THE CONTRACT

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at AsoRock. One is fromEast, another is from West, and the third is from North. All three go with an Aso Rock official to examine the fence. The Northern contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about #900,000. #400,000 for materials, #400,000 for my crew, and #100,000 profit for me".
The Weatern contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for #700,000, #300,000 for materials, #300,000 for my crew, and #100,000 profit for me."
The Eastern contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the Aso Rock official and whispers, "#2.700,000" The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Eastern contractor whispers back, "#1,000,000 for me, #1,000,000 for you, and we hire the guy from the West to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.

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THE LAWYER AND THE POLICE

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a police. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from Abuja and has a better education than an police from the north.
The police asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?" The police responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," says the police impatiently.
The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can take me to the station.
If not, you let me go and don't take me to the station." The police says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the police takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The police says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

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WHY SOME GUYS DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND


Some guys where interviewed on why they are yet to have a girlfriend and then proceed to marriage and below are some of their reasons.
Ladies Handbag - #9,000 while Men's Wallet- #700
Ladies Fixing of Hair - #5000 while Men Hair Cut is just #150
Ladies Fixing of Nails - #1500 while Men Nail Cutter is #50
Ladies Bra is #1500 while Men Singlet is # 200
A set of G string is #1500 while Men Boxers is #300
Sanitary Pad is #250 while Men Handkerchief is #50
Ladies Stomach is extra large while Men"s Stomach is extra small
.IF I DON'T TAKE GOOD CARE OF MYSELF WHO WIL blessed are men who remain single they will be the richest man on earth..
.Abi I lie??

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Remember to laugh no matter how tough the going gets