Over time, often times, Several Husbands have been put in a
tight position to make certain decisions between their
mothers and wives...

This could be as a result of the "natural" competition
between women or better put "the struggle for the position
of the most-preferred"

And as a result of this, a man is made to make decisions on
whom he prefers, and any decision made goes down badly
either ways.

In 1954, one study revealed that only one in four women
even liked her mother-in-law, and new research shows just
how deep-seated the tension is.

A study of hundreds of families has revealed that nearly
two-thirds of women complain they've suffered long-term
unhappiness and stress because of friction with their
husband's mother.
During the research - conducted over two decades - women
accused their mothers-in-law of showing unreasonably
jealous love towards their sons.
In turn, mothers-in-law complained that they were excluded
from their sons' lives by their wives.

Dr Terri Apter, a psychologist and senior tutor at Newnham
College, Cambridge, carried out the research for her book
What Do You Want From Me?,
She explains: 'The conflict often arises from an assumption
that each is criticising or undermining the other woman. But
this mutual unease may have less to do with actual attitudes
and far more to do with persistent female stereotypes that
few of us manage to shake off completely.
Both the mother and the wife are struggling to achieve the
same position in the family - primary woman. Each tries to
establish or protect their status. Each feels threatened by the
other.'
Her conclusion? 'It's a tragedy,' she says. 'This impasse
divides women who should have so much in common, and
who could benefit from each other's friendship. It causes
both sides terrible unhappiness and distress.'

Many daughters-in-law assume that no matter how
modern their mothers-in-law are, they will be judged on
their cooking, cleaning and child-rearing abilities.

At the same time, mothers-in-law often interpret the
decisions of their daughters-in-law to do things differently
from them - whether in relation to childcare, career or
running the home - as a rejection of their own choices.
Daughters-in-law assume that as a fellow woman, their
mother-in-law will be their ally when they disagree with their
husband. But inevitably a mother's unconditional love will
trump any female bonding.
It's the disappointment felt by both women that 'gives these
relationships their distinctive negative charge',

Add to that a mother's conflicting feelings of pride and loss
as a son marries, a wife's insecurity about balancing work
and home responsibilities, and the tendency of most women
to be more sensitive to criticism than men, and you have the
perfect formula for years of trouble.

These tensions don't just cause friction within families. They
can put even the best marriages at risk.

As far as I'm concerned, I don't feel its necessary for a man
to be put in this "awkward" position, I feel that love between
these two women would do far more good than harm. At the
same time I don't seem to understand the reason behind
the disunity of wives and mother-in-laws or is it normal or
natural as some would call it?.

Share your thoughts!!!.

If mother in laws are true believers, de shud kmow der boundaries.

Most atimes, if d son is too attached 2 mummy, den twil take some time b4 he understands he has a home.
Also, for couples living in family house wt der MIL, der is sure gonna b friction.

My view, "couples shud watch d info de dish out 2 der inlaws, visit family house once a yle, & b smart!!!

NO WOMAN IN THIS WORLD CAN STAND UP TO MY MOTHER THE WAY WE SEE IN THAT PIC.

If the husband is man enough there should be no tension. A husband should cling to his wife and family....and any outsider trying to cause tension should be told to ehmmm... butt out period...no discussion.

Women are their own worst enemies. Simples.

An older woman is expected to nurture and care for her son's wife like her own daughter. A younger lady is expected to accord same respect as her parents to her mother in-law.

I wonder what and where the competition is between two and entirely different age group? oshisko

Simple question and some dolts are already spouting the "real man" trope.

The reason is simple really. For starters, women manipulate their men emotionally. Mothers know this and try to protect their sons by running interference. She knows what she did to her husband and doesn't want her son to be victimised thus.

Also, it's about protecting her son's interests in terms of the wife being wifely enough, if you get my drift.

Now, whether a man can properly manage the relationship between his wife and mother is another matter altogether.

...who cares?

My wife, mother, MIL, wifey' sisters, female cousins & friends all know that if their "tension" for one second impairs my utility they will get "commanded".

I have other things to concern myself with besides female pettiness.


TV^MIC

Everybody involves should respect themselves .Some women expect the mother to disappear as soon as they get married to the son.
My mother has been there and will always be there,so lets the woman mind her business being my wife and the mother being my mother.

Man ownership.

veave:
Man ownership.

no only dat, I thnk women jus compete with each other for everything.

winner01:
no only dat, I thnk women jus compete with each other for everything.

Hahahaha... it revolves around the man. mama thinks its her son and her right, she was there first. Wife thinks its her husband and solely her right, mama should give way.

veave:



Hahahaha... it revolves around the man. mama thinks its her son and her right, she was there first. Wife thinks its her husband and solely her right, mama should give way.

yeah you are right, but its not in the place of the wife to stand up to her mother-in-law. Except you wanna make your husband rilly mad..we love our wives but nothing can compare to motherly love.

winner01:
yeah you are right, but its not in the place of the wife to stand up to her mother-in-law. Except you wanna make your husband rilly mad..we love our wives but nothing can compare to motherly love.

Okay, noted for future purposes

Well to me,I think there's always tension where d mother inlaw and d wife looks up to d man b4 dey can eat,everybody wants to take d larger share,in a situation where d mother inlaw is rich,I tink d reverse is d case. My opinion though

mil can nevr b pleased.d minute deir son gets married dey get jealous.wen u do smtn fr dem u re d best,d day u cnt meet up u are bad, d best use wisdom and do nt start anything u cant finish,majority feel is a privelege u married deir son,so u shuld b doing d calling,d texting,d caring bla bla

Mine passed shortly after I arrived, miss her sometimes. If u want to make your marriage work, you have to start from the grassroot. As a woman, u have to wear the garment of patience and endurance. Dump your rights in your fathers house oh( talking from experience). Remember, for most of the MILs, there will always be tension and unhealthy cold rivalry. But in my case I acted like a pure zombie and conquered @ last. She didn't have any option than to love and accept me

craziebone:
NO WOMAN IN THIS WORLD CAN STAND UP TO MY MOTHER THE WAY WE SEE IN THAT PIC.

Well then marry your mother or tell her to respect her boundaries

@OP:

I honestly do not understand How a MIL and DIL can compete for the 1st position in the 'man's life

Like seriously?

That's why women should get something going for them.

They should learn kids are just to be trained for their own lives/purpose and will fly out of their parents ' nest at the right time.

Women!

I need not say more.

pwerrymansion:
Mine passed shortly after I arrived, miss her sometimes. If u want to make your marriage work, you have to start from the grassroot. As a woman, u have to wear the garment of patience and endurance. Dump your rights in your fathers house oh( talking from experience). Remember, for most of the MILs, there will always be tension and unhealthy cold rivalry. But in my case I acted like a pure zombie and conquered @ last. She didn't have any option than to love and accept me

likr u said she passed on shortly after so u did not experience her cos been married is d basic tin,secondly how long are u married

Rosarie:
likr u said she passed on shortly after so u did not experience her cos been married is d basic tin,secondly how long are u married

I lived with her for one year and trust me, one year is enough for two women to tear down the roof. I've been married for 10yrs

We can dress it up all we like by saying it's down to clashes of personality,but I'm convinced that women have a primeval need to stake their turf.To do that,you have to usurp the power of the other woman.



Each is the primary woman in her primary family.As each tries to establish and protect her status,each feels threatened by the other.



Daughter-in-law assume that as a fellow woman,their mother-in-law will be their ally when they disagree with their husband.But inevitably a mother's unconditional love will trump any female bonding.




It's the disappointment felt by both women that gives these relationships their distinctive negative charge.



FACT - Rivalry is so ingrained in some daughter-in-law's that it doesn't matter how lovely her mother-in-law is.


DISCLAIMER - If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars,just intense negotiations every 28days.

The meddling mothers-in-law who keep encroaching.
Why they can't stay in their own homes is a big nuisance!

craziebone:
NO WOMAN IN THIS WORLD CAN STAND UP TO MY MOTHER THE WAY WE SEE IN THAT PIC.

another one

bukatyne:


Well then marry your mother or tell her to respect her boundaries

@OP:

I honestly do not understand How a MIL and DIL can compete for the 1st position in the 'man's life

Like seriously?

That's why women should get something going for them.

They should learn kids are just to be trained for their own lives/purpose and will fly out of their parents ' nest at the right time.

we are not animals, we are humans who have gone to evolve culture and as a result of that, family. Family is characterized by blood relation and is also solidified by emotions which brings about unconditional solidarity. Animals do not have any of these, hence the "children "fly" away when they reach maturity.

Thanks to liberals the world over, we have come to accept it that marriages do not have to last forever. So tell me why i should forget about my mum, who was there with me from the very begining; who cleaned my mess when i messed up my diaper; who provided me provisions when i was going off to boarding school; who took me to hospital on her back when i was sick; why should i sever ties with such a woman just because i have found someone, with whom i claim to share some little emotion that are here today and tommorrow is gone,

craziebone:


we are not animals, we are humans who have gone to evolve culture and as a result of that, family. Family is characterized by blood relation and is also solidified by emotions which brings about unconditional solidarity. Animals do not have any of these, hence the "children "fly" away when they reach maturity.

Thanks to liberals the world over, we have come to accept it that marriages do not have to last forever. So tell me why i should forget about my mum, who was there with me from the very begining; who cleaned my mess when i messed up my diaper; who provided me provisions when i was going off to boarding school; who took me to hospital on her back when i was sick; why should i sever ties with such a woman just because i have found someone, with whom i claim to share some little emotion that are here today and tommorrow is gone,

Well well, Bible says a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife... Take that up with God.

That aside, nobody is saying forget your parents but they should know their boundaries and mind their business when necessary.

Afteral, your wife's parents also did the same for her yet you would not appreciate them interfering in your marriage because they changed her Pampers when she was a baby.

And yes, children fly out the nest of their parents that's why you don't call mom or dad for every problem encountered.

If you have not moved out of your parents' home, you are planning to Some day.

Isn't it interesting that on the average it is husband's mothers who are a pain in the neck?

When some of the women on this thread become mother-in-laws, I'm pretty sure their opinion and perspective will change.

bukatyne:


Well well, Bible says a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife... Take that up with God.

That aside, nobody is saying forget your parents but they should know their boundaries and mind their business when necessary.

Afteral, your wife's parents also did the same for her yet you would not appreciate them interfering in your marriage because they changed her Pampers when she was a baby.

And yes, children fly out the nest of their parents that's why you don't call mom or dad for every problem encountered.

If you have not moved out of your parents' home, you are planning to Some day.

Isn't it interesting that on the average it is husband's mothers who are a pain in the neck?

i am sure you know that Jesus healed Peter's mother-in-law. That's to show you that that passage you quoted do not imply what you are talking about.

No, hubby's mother are not always the pain in the assss. Nollywood and feminism has brainwashed women to always interprete mother inlaws actions like you are doing.

No, wives parents and siblings don't stay away from their sister's matrimonial home. They are the most frequent around. Generally, women are not comfortable with her hubby's people but she will always bring all of her siblings to her matrimonial home. I have seen this with my eyes!

craziebone:


i am sure you know that Jesus healed Peter's mother-in-law. That's to show you that that passage you quoted do not imply what you are talking about.

No, hubby's mother are not always the pain in the assss. Nollywood and feminism has brainwashed women to always interprete mother inlaws actions like you are doing.

No, wives parents and siblings don't stay away from their sister's matrimonial home. They are the most frequent around. Generally, women are not comfortable with her hubby's people but she will always bring all of her siblings to her matrimonial home. I have seen this with my eyes!

Nollywood, maybe.... feminism? I wonder How it concerns This issue

The story of people around must be drama then. In counselling, women's meeting, women symposium etc. In-laws especially MILs are treated meaning all these people are paranoid.

Are There Some troublesome wives? Yes

A wife's relative might come around more however I cannot fathom a wife's sister claiming that it's her sister's house to the husband etc.

I agree that marriage does not mean discarding your nuclear family, they become extended.

On another note, What does that verse mean?

bukatyne:


Nollywood, maybe.... feminism? I wonder How it concerns This issue

The story of people around must be drama then. In counselling, women's meeting, women symposium etc. In-laws especially MILs are treated meaning all these people are paranoid.

Are There Some troublesome wives? Yes

A wife's relative might come around more however I cannot fathom a wife's sister claiming that it's her sister's house to the husband etc.

I agree that marriage does not mean discarding your nuclear family, they become extended.

On another note, What does that verse mean?

i have seen and heard women say it loud and clear with a feminist undertone, that they are not going to tolerate their husband's family. Some even say the days are long gone.

But the bottom line is, i can't let another woman stand up to my mother that way. If she hadn't taken care of me to the point that i look attractive to you, you wouldn't have considered marriage with me.

To be honest, i have a strong and strange reaction to the sight of DILs put up an automatic reaction towards her in-laws.

pwerrymansion:
I lived with her for one year and trust me, one year is enough for two women to tear down the roof. I've been married for 10yrs

that's what we are talking about. Why should it be that they can "tear down the roof"? We guys quarrell too but you don't see that thing very much.

craziebone:


i have seen and heard women say it loud and clear with a feminist undertone, that they are not going to tolerate their husband's family. Some even say the days are long gone.

But the bottom line is, i can't let another woman stand up to my mother that way. If she hadn't taken care of me to the point that i look attractive to you, you wouldn't have considered marriage with me.

To be honest, i have a strong and strange reaction to the sight of DILs put up an automatic reaction towards her in-laws.

Tolerating a husband's family have got nothing to do with feminism but again, whose definition are We working with?

The major person who decides that any woman (I guess you are referring to your wife) will not stand up to your mom. That way is your mother herself and you when your mother goes out of line.

Your matrimonial home belongs to you and your wife. All others are to abide by the rules and If they are not comfy, they disappear to where they can influence things as they want it.

And yes, the days of DIL s taking crap from their husband's family is over

Have you ever wondered why husbands have less issues with in-laws?

bukatyne:


Tolerating a husband's family have got nothing to do with feminism but again, whose definition are We working with?

The major person who decides that any woman (I guess you are referring to your wife) will not stand up to your mom. That way is your mother herself and you when your mother goes out of line.

Your matrimonial home belongs to you and your wife. All others are to abide by the rules and If they are not comfy, they disappear to where they can influence things as they want it.

And yes, the days of DIL s taking crap from their husband's family is over

Have you ever wondered why husbands have less issues with in-laws?

Gbam!
And a man who understands that will have a happy home
My mom was in my house rearranging my cups and spices and dishes in the cabinet
She felt my salt and pepper and curry and thyme should take a place on the top right cupboard where my flat dishes were
I returned and she had rearranged everything
I said thanks mom but I prefer it the way I kept it and I switched it back
She took it nicely,
I also said mom,when you go to nnamdi's house,please don't rearrange anything there
People need to speak to their moms before they go visiting their married sons
Even their best intentions can cause katakata
Too many marriages have crashed and almost crashed after visits from the man's mother
We can't run from that reality