Affairs of the heart:
1. “I’ve just been on holiday with my mistress.
I’ve just got back and work want to know where
I’ve been. I’d like a sick note to cover me.”
2. “I need some advice as I want to break up with
my boyfriend and I don’t know what to say”
3. “Doctor, I have cheated on my partner and now
I don’t know who to choose”.
4. “Can you settle a marital dispute? My wife
thinks paracetamol is better, I think ibuprofen is.
Who’s right?”
5. “Doctor, can you tell my husband to stop
buying food that’s near it’s ‘sell by’ date as he’s
wasting money.”
Anxious parents:
1. “Doctor, please tell my son to study harder so
he can get into Eton.”
2. “My sleepy baby keeps rubbing her eyes.”
3. “What normal 15-year-old boy doesn’t have
porn on their computer?! I’ve looked and looked
but he really doesn’t! That’s not normal!”
4. “My daughter has a brown rash on her
leg.” (felt tip pen ink which was rubbed off with
an Alco wipe pad)
5. “My son’s shoes are rubbing him.”

LMAO

Cosmetic concerns
1. “I have ugly feet.”
2. Do you have something to make my nails
stronger & hair shinier before my holiday
tomorrow?”
3. “My chin looks too fat in photos on Facebook
– I need an operation.”
4. “I’ve bought these fancy anti-ageing face
creams. Can you look at the ingredients and tell
me which order I should use them in?”
5. “I have grey hairs….I’m nearly 40….have I got a
medical condition?”
The most minor of problems
1. “I have sneezed twice in the last hour”.
2. Can you fix my sprained ankle before I go out
tonight as I want to wear heels.”
3. “I broke my nail.”
4. “I have had a sore throat since this morning.”
5. I had an insect bite last week and it itched like
hell. It’s gone now, but wondered if it will itch if I
get another one?”
Everyday life
1. “Doctor – my stomach makes this weird
rumbling/gurgling noise whenever I haven’t
eaten.”
2. “A bird pooped on me”.
3. “My skin is too soft.”
4. “I get sore feet when I dance in high heels.”
5. My lodger is annoying me because he’s
spending too much time in his room.”

hahahaha
whiteys sef ehn