What comes to mind when you think of the
Modern Gentleman? Sturdy mahogany tables,
perhaps? Whiskey cocktails? Leather satchels
and perfectly-cuffed chino pants?
The Modern Gentleman glides through life with
a permanent “Early Bird” Instagram filter
enveloping every move he makes. He is the
mysterious man at the end of the bar, yet the
life of the party. He’s the strong, silent type,
but is always willing to initiate conversation.
He is groomed, yet rugged. Sexually assertive,
though consent-seeking. A world traveler, but
always by your side. He has all the free time in
the world, though he possesses the financial
security needed to live worry-free.
In other words, the Modern Gentleman is a
sensationalized paradox, and the thoughts of
the women who think he exists might be
described similarly.

While the idea of the gentleman has existed
since the conception of courtship, courtship
itself has progressed greatly over time.
The straight-forwardness of the mate-selecting
pursuits that exist in Henry James novels and
made-for-TV Jane Austen tales is no longer;
however, the notion of men pursuing women
for eventual marriage and reproduction
remains alive and well.

Why is it then that the idea of the gentleman
seems so stuck in time and stifled by an
unrealistic and widespread view of how a man
should act and the lifestyle he should embody?
The issue stems from the contradictory fact
that a Modern Gentleman is expected to
epitomize the general habits and behaviors of
the stylized, Hollywood versions of the men of
decades past.
A large portion of single women use the term
“Modern Gentleman” to describe an ideal man.
Yet, the modern man they are looking for is
held to standards not fit for contemporary times.
If women want this idea of a Modern Gentleman to exist, it’s crucial that they re-evaluate the
values and standards they are holding men to.

Women want men to hold open doors for them,
but more and more doors are becoming
automatic.


They say there is no love like the love of our
grandparents. This is a beautiful sentiment, but
it should be noted that our grandparents lived
in a generation in which the values of marriage
were much less likely to be based off the belief
of soulmates and love alone.
While the worsening divorce rate is alarming, it
does present a sense of growth that perhaps
demonstrates that we are beginning to
understand the importance of our own
independence and needs when it comes
commitment. The increased divorce rate may
also point to an improving economy.
This is crucial as women continue the fight to
further themselves from the resistant attitudes
and underlying misogyny of our grandparents’
time, and find consistency in women’s rights.
While more women are CEOs than ever, the
highest paid female CEOs still make less than
half of the highest paid male CEOs.

As the roles and statuses of women continue to
evolve, the role of a man as a potential spouse
and companion will also evolve. The gentlemen
of the old days are not the gentlemen of today.


It’s easy to agree that technology has sadly
altered the way we communicate with one
another. Face-to-face communication is
selective and phone calls feel like as much work
as compiling your taxes.
Yet, men are often held to a standard that
requires them to deny the most modern and
efficient forms of communication by reverting
back to the less-popular and more time-
consuming methods.
The idea behind calling instead of texting or
taking the time to compose a letter makes
sense as a metaphor for men “going above and
beyond” for a woman.
However, for men to ditch the practicalities of
technology and mainstream approaches to
communication as a sign of being a true
gentleman is simply unfair.
Men are not lazy or rude if they text instead of
call. They are people, and people send text
messages instead of calling.


A quick Google image search of “modern
gentleman” reveals a steady stream of
expensive, fitted suits and professionally
maintained beards. There are no signs of
respect for women, sexual consent, marriage or
child raising.
While the “Mad Men” era of men who have a
penchant for scotch and Italian wool fedoras is
understandably attractive, is it fair to base a
man’s values on a delusory and hyperbolic
aesthetic from a much more misogynistic time?
The term “Modern Gentleman” correlates more
with an overall appearance and style. Women
who pair this visual of a man with the
characteristics of a desirable partner and
potential husband are unlikely to find the full package.
The Google image Modern Gentleman is a pre-
meditated, constructed idea, made to grace
the pages of GQ and sweet-talk us through 30-
second liquor commercials.


Merriam-Webster defines chivalry as “the
system and values (such as loyalty and honor)
that knights in the middle ages were expected
to follow.”
Sure, chivalry has the ability to transcend
generations and cultures, but many women still
perpetuate the idea that men should physically
fight over their love. This made sense when
women were considered the property of
men, and a real gentleman wouldn’t let that
happen again.

So true

I dont usually comment but when i do.
.
.
Me i no be gentleman
i no b gentleman @ll o
i be africaman original