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His Ikoyi Experience!!! - Literature - Nairaland

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His Ikoyi Experience!!! by obicute007(m): 10:20pm On Apr 04, 2015
It’s been three months since i lost my job and was
pretty broke. Even my generator noticed we were
now managing fuel and it decided to stop
working. Life was getting frustrating.
One Wednesday afternoon, i laid on my bed
counting the ceilings in my self contained apartment
when Jessica my “runs girl” female neighbour
walked in and was like…
“Roma, you sef, no let dis unemployment matter
frustrate you, come let me teach you a business
opportunity you never thought of.”
She told me how she usually woke up very early
on saturdays and board a bus from Ikorodu where
we were living to Ikoyi just to go jogging with
the aim of catching the attention of some big boys
on banana island and how its been working out so
far and she was pretty sure that there were big
girls of ikoyi who would pick interest in me.
I was excited since there was nothing illegal about
it, afterall hunger was already giving me six
packs, i was hoping to catch my own big fish also.
I went to the bank, withdrew the last N4500 in
my account and bought
sports wears and running spikes, hoping to look like
Usian Bolt come saturday.
Saturday came, i woke up as early as 4:30am,
wore my sports wear
underneath then put on a casual jeans and polo to
appear decent cause my sportswear was a bit tight
and I looked funny.
I reached Ikoyi by 5:00am and it was still a bit
dark, i removed my jeans and polo at an
uncompleted building, hid it at a corner, waited till
it was 6.am and i immediately hit the streets
running, hoping to catch my big fish today.
I ran to and fro ikoyi hoping to be noticed soon, on
reaching ikoyi-lekki link bridge, it was like a
market place. People from different parts of Lagos
were seen partaking in one form of exercise or the
other.
I noticed a group of young sophisticated ladies and
vowed in my mind they must notice my presence
here.
I began jogging in stunts, chest jogging, broad
shoulder jogging, six pack jogging and many
unnamed styles of jogging..
Thirty minutes passed and i wasn’t attracting
anyone’s attention, so i thought maybe what these
ladies need is a man who can protect them.
I started performing boxing stunts, high jab, low
jab, hard jab and many more until a very huge
man walked up to me and asked if I am a boxer, i
replied no and he said he just wants us to fight-
train together. I told him i was a dancer and was
choreographing my new dance moves and he left.
I decided that today was not my day and was
heading home, so i went to get my clothes from
the uncompleted building were i hid them.
Few blocks away, an obvious mad man walked
passed me, dressed in the same clothes i came
with, i prayed for it to be a coincidence until
when i got to the building and couldn’t find my
clothes. It then dawned on me that my
transportation was in the pocket of my jeans
trouser that the mad man took.
I was so frustrated. Why must bad things always
happen to good people i thought.
I jogged back to the bridge and intentionally
fainted there, as people
gathered around and i was receiving first aid, i
heard one of those ladies telling her friend that
she picked interest in me earlier but who knows,
maybe i was epileptic.
i was so pained inside, an ambulance arrived and
took me away.
while inside the ambulance, the nurse has already
masked me with an oxygen mask and I overheard
her telling the driver that there was no credit
card on me and she doesn’t think i can afford the
hospital bill. That was when i opened my eyes and
saw a St. Nicholas hospital I.D on her ( most
expensive hospital on lagos island ).
I had to plead with them that i don’t have money
to pay their bills before they eventually dropped me
off on kingsway road ikoyi.
I had to trek back from the island to ikorodu.
That was how i got to know that Third Mainland
Bridge by foot is 1hr,45mins at the speed of 3km/
h.
On getting to Ketu, the Lord in his infinite
mercies used a bus conductor to help my situation,
(those guys are nice at times)
I write you this piece while I recover in my
bedroom, please i also need a job.
ROMA.




source; http://naijasinglegirl.com/blog-visitor-my-ikoyi-experience

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