Hello awesome people of this thread, I decided to post this here and not the 'Romance' section because this has to do with a 'Home in view'. I created this 'Moniker' for the sake of confidentiality.. My story is quite long but please bear with me and kindly advice me.
I'll be 25 years later this year. This guy and I met way back in the university, I was naïve and knew nothing much about relationships. I loved him so much from the very start of the relationship, yes I know it shouldn't be but yes I loved him outrightly. It was 2months into the relationship that I discovered he has other relationships. I naively stayed cos I thought I could change him. Different fights occurred especially over other ladies, but in all I stayed put in the relationship. I still stayed even after I realised he doesn't love me, rather he wants me for sex, to cook for him and his pals and even do his laundry.
Two years into the relationship, I got pregnant and since he had graduated I called to inform him, but he told me to get rid of it and move on with my life. I couldn't bring myself to abort the innocent child, so I kept it, my mum contacted his mum and they came over to meet my people, shortly before I put to bed. It was like he was even forced to come. I had the child through C.S and on our child's naming he specifically referred to me as 'My Child's Mum', right there in front of everyone. I kept smiling like a fool just so people will believe all is well. I should also mention that 3weeks after the CS I agreed to sleep with him, just to keep him from sleeping with other women.
He claims he has grown to love me, but hey, he cheats on me, and whenever I get to know, he calls me degrading names, insults d living daylight out of me, uses names like 'Hoe, Bitch' and co. He talks to me without any Iota of respect, even before his family and friends. Whenever I talk to him about how he treats me, he says I complain too much, he says I nag and all. And just lately, he has been all and about me walking away if I can't take him for who he is. Our son is going on 3, and am supposed to get married to this man after my 'Masters' programe, which am almost through with. Its like the only thing we do is have s*x, he can't even hug me outside or be proud of me whenever we are outside, he once insulted me in d presence of his friends on one of our occasional visits. Yet he claims to love me. I can't even touch his phone, because he made me realise I have no right whatsoever to touch his phone. I feel like am not good enough, I feel like those other ladies he keeps are better than me. I am suppose to get married to this man in six months time but I don't see myself been happy in that marriage. At the same time his mum talked to me that she doesn't wish for me to have my kids born to different fathers. He keeps telling me at every quarrel that if I want to leave I am free to. He doesn't care if I stay or leave I.e he is indifferent about the whole marriage issue. His mum wants us to end up together. Am really confused, my happiness is at stake. Pls advice me. Mutter, Babyosisi, EfemenaXY, ShiningMama, Moca and the rest, please help me. I'm really loosing my sanity.

You dont need answers. He doesn't love you so don't marry him. Forget what people will say. He will surely send you to an early grave.

What you should do is clearly written in the story. Wait, are you trying to tell us that after all this(ranging from insult, to having sex weeks after delivery, and all) you still chose to marry him? The worst will come when you get married to him. Run now or forever regret it. He doesn't deserve you. For once reason like a grown up woman!
And for his mum, throw away her advice into the nearest bin, your happiness and future is at hand; you don't need to be a single mom while living with a husband.
Don't think its the end of the world for you. Just brush up, melt that love you have for him and move on. I know its hard but you will be fine without him. Someone who deserves you will come.

It's disheartening to read ur doing masters and yet ur as confused as a secondary school girl. Bottom line is u lack self esteem and worth from the onset and now the odds are down the best advice lies within u. only the u inside can advice u

Don't marry him, simple!

Na you carry your hand go put for fire. Did the fire burn you or not?

Come to think of it.
At 25 years of age you are no longer a child. Are you that stupid? You slept with him 3 weeks after a CS delivery.
The young man is wicked to have treated you this way but you have been a fool all this while.
Make up your mind young lady to start afresh or you will totally ruin your life

obi4eze:
Na you carry your hand go put for fire. Did the fire burn you or not?

Come to think of it.
At 25 years of age you are no longer a child. Are you that stupid? You slept with him 3 weeks after a CS delivery.
The young man is wicked to have treated you this way but you have been a fool all this while.

easy bro, she asked for advice not insults.

Don't be scared to move on with your life,if you are not happy with him,leave him now. Don't get married to him out of pressure from your mum or because of your baby.

It is obvious the man does not care or love you,why are you still bothering him? . Forget about him and move on with your life for your own sanity. You don't deserve less from any man,you are the only one to tell yourself.

Don't dig your grave.

Do not marry him.

How much clearer can God speak before you hear?

It is true that you may want all your kids from your man like your mum thinks but however ideal that sounds that should be your reason for ending up with this man.
Again, you may feel that the odds of finding a man who loves you inspite of the child you had outside is high but my dear stay strong. You will.

Cheers!

zinachidi:
easy bro, she asked for advice not insults.

She deserves even more than what I said...

BTW I didn't insult her but stated the fact...

Thanks to u all for ur advice. He has this kind of hold on me that I just don't get. Each time I say I quit, he seems to always find his way back. He knows I have a soft spot for him, he knows I love him and yes he uses it well to his advantage. I really need to break free from this hold he has. Pls how can I break free, am so confused. His mum and everyone keeps encouraging me to keep praying for him, that he'll change.

My dear
I won't ask u marry him or not

But the only thing I gotta ask u is
Do u make yourself happy at all?
I mean do u only live your life for him?

What else do i have 2 say?

Posters above me has said it all. Run 4 ur dear life.. Marriage is all about happiness, understanding, loving each other e.t.c,

So girl u better run without lookin back

Dyt:
My dear
I won't ask u marry him or not

But the only thing I gotta ask u is
Do u make yourself happy at all?
I mean do u only live your life for him?

Abi o

Young woman
Marriage is no bed of roses
Sometimes in relationships we shape our partners to our taste
I don't mean change cos u can't change someone
Everyone has something hidden in them that they don't believe they could ever be
Could be good or bad

But then
I don't even believe you haven't done nothing to this young man

#maybe just my own weird thoughts

lagunna1:


Abi o

Bobo mi
Haffar

Dyt:


Bobo mi
Haffar

Mi miss e ni

lagunna1:


Mi miss e ni

Clean ur mouth

Listen to me earnestly @u, the deal has bin done wit a baby on ground. U av come to know him and to bear him upto this point some ravages av bin done though but i beg u not to jeopardise d whole tin d more, he is a hardguy no doubt abt that but he is so bkos of d way u presented yourself and d way u handle. I aint gonna say u shud dump him who knows d next guy u get may do more sabbotage, alot of guys outta dia these days are very stupid and i am not innocent of that too. I advise u to giv him a long break and nucture him to become d kind guy u desire, brk every affection, care, not even d cheap sex he gets from u shud b allow anymore for d main time untill u fix his damn asshole. I hope he changes or at least he gives u good reason to get going wit him

Dyt:


Clean ur mouth

Idipa mi

treat a lady badly, she will love you more..
treat a lady nice, she will take you for granted.
#fact

if you love your self and life...... you will make the best of choice







let your head lead you to make the right choices and not your heart......
you head makes you project into the future while your heart just talks about your immediate feeling

lagunna1:


Idipa mi

Oniyeye

I see no reason you should marry him, he has told you severally to leave. Doesnt sound like someone who wants you.
But only God knows why scenarios like this keep playing out.
Where some people dey find this kind loyal, warm and selfless babe pesin dey misuse am?
God pls no make babe with qualities as these pass me by oh.

Emeraldey:
Thanks to u all for ur advice. He has this kind of hold on me that I just don't get. Each time I say I quit, he seems to always find his way back. He knows I have a soft spot for him, he knows I love him and yes he uses it well to his advantage. I really need to break free from this hold he has. Pls how can I break free, am so confused. His mum and everyone keeps encouraging me to keep praying for him, that he'll change.

There is no place where it is written that you must marry ur baby father. shey pregnancy na disease ni. Look here, all dis gibberish of u having a soft spot for him and If u like ur sanity abeg dont marry him yet even if you have to. You see pit with ur two eyes open u wanna enter into it. from the unset go u don dai suffer and u never marry am when u do nko. dont u know that bad attitude most times increase after the wedding.

You are not the holy spirit who will change him.. Na God work b dat but if u think u can cope all well and good but remember loneliness kill faster than anyoda disease. for Christ sake u are a masters student which mean u can actually take care of urself. Gather ur self esteem and make urself a better person. For ur soft spot abeg make it hard spot abeg.. life is too short to be suffering for no just cause.

Don't have anything to say to you. You admitted he has been this way all along. Weak women suck. Good luck.

Emeraldey:
I feel like am not good enough, I feel like those other ladies he keeps are better than me.

So if you feel good enough and know you are as good as those women, will you leave him? Is it possible to love someone who does not give a flip about you to the point of committing to him for life. This man is a charmer he has been upfront with you about everything its left for you to make a choice marry him or not.

You can't beg someone into loving you.

@OP:

Why are still with this man?

What are you enjoying in the relationship?

bukatyne:
@OP:

Why are still with this man?

What are you enjoying in the relationship?

Maybe a part of me was scared that he might take my baby from me....

temi4fash:


for Christ sake u are a masters student which mean u can actually take care of urself.

On the contrary dearie, am not fending for myself yet, as am yet to get a job. My parents footed d bills for my masters.

Dyt:
Young woman
Marriage is no bed of roses
Sometimes in relationships we shape our partners to our taste
I don't mean change cos u can't change someone
Everyone has something hidden in them that they don't believe they could ever be
Could be good or bad

But then
I don't even believe you haven't done nothing to this young man

#maybe just my own weird thoughts

want u as my 'special adviser on marital issues'

Dear OP I don't have strength to talk to much, let me quickly paint a picture. Can you imagine living like ths for the rest of your life? In your 30's, your 40's, 50's, 60's , 70's, 80's and God willing your 90's?

Do you want your son to grow up treating women the way that man treats you? Think about it, that's all I have to say.