I laughed after reading this, think I should share with you.
Marriage software.
This is what a guy wrote to a Systems Analyst -
(Marriage Software Div); and the reply he got.
Dear Systems Analyst, I am desperate for some help! I
recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife
1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child
Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable
resources.
This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition
Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches
during systems initialization and then it monitors all other
system activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no
longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected.
Attempting to operate selected "Soccer 6.3" always fails and
"Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0
in the background whilst attempting to run any of my
favorite applications. Be it online or offline.
I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall
doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?
.... The Systems Analyst replied:
Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic
misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program.
Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND
ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an
OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run
everything on your current platform.
You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still
convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed
to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge
the program files from the System once it is installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0
but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual
under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed
and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any
faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused
them, you must run the.........
C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid
attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire
system.
It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE
ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the
operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can
be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional
Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or
"HUGS\ KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING
1000.0" or even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child
processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary
2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood
Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0
and the system will almost certainly CRASH.
BEST WISHES!
Yours,
Systems Analyst.
Enjoy this as well!
INSTALLING HUSBAND !!!
A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy
Dear Tech Support,t
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system
performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery
applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed
undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, NO MONEY 3.0
and FOOTBALL 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix
these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
_______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
Reply
DEAR Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment
Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulove dme. Html and try
to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt
3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0shoul d
then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and
Flowers 3.5..
However, remember, overuse of the above application can
cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will
download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install
Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that
will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend
5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will
crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does
have limited memory and cannot learn new applications
quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve
memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Goodlooks 7.7.
Culled from D-Bishop (a.k.a Bruke Bruce Emeriewen )

Dude and u xpect me to read al dis ?? Uh