Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,038,273 members, 7,452,919 topics. Date: Tuesday, 06 June 2023 at 02:41 PM

Bin Gbagbo, The Undisputed King Of Jokes Section....blockbuster!!! - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Bin Gbagbo, The Undisputed King Of Jokes Section....blockbuster!!! (1639 Views)

Chronicles Of Jokes / Jarizod's Book Of Jokes / I Am The Undisputed Most Beautiful & Sexiest Girl In Romanceland (pics) (2) (3) (4)

(1) (Reply) (Go Down)

Bin Gbagbo, The Undisputed King Of Jokes Section....blockbuster!!! by bingbagbo(m): 4:34pm On May 09, 2015
Kwaata's daughter, Erimma was not doing well at school,
So he hired a home teacher for her, the Teacher was Mr OGBUVUGBUVU.
mR OGBUVUGBUVU asked Kwaata which subjects he will teach Erimma and Kwaata replied "all subjects"
After six months, Kwaata found out that Erimma was pregnant, so he asked her and she confessed it was MR OGBUVUGBUVU who was responsible.
"So where did he make you pregnant?" Kwaata asked
Errimma replied "Daddy in the garden!!" grin
Kwaata was angry, so he summoned MR OGBUVGBUVU.

Kwaata: mr man, what did i employ u for?

MR OGBUVUBGUVU: That's a steewpid question, u know i teach

Kwaata: Who made Erimma pregnant?

MR OGBUVUGBUVU: Another steewpid one, u know it me

Kwwaata: listen, was that part of the teaching work?

MR OGBUVUGBUVU: of course, remember, u asked me to teach all subjects? so i taught her all....besides when last did you pay me?..i had to compensate myself with your daughter . Now tell me oga Kwaata, who is responsible for " drupy", the family dog's pregnancy?

Kwaata: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! we can settle this amicably now sah grin

Erimma miscarried instantly grin grin
Re: Bin Gbagbo, The Undisputed King Of Jokes Section....blockbuster!!! by bingbagbo(m): 5:27pm On May 09, 2015
All religions provide instruction for a way of living. But it is only Jesus who offers deliverance, forgiveness for sin, and transformation. “Jesus did not only teach or expound His message. He was identical with His message.”[5]

The truth of Zacharias’ point is underscored by the number of times in the Gospels that Jesus’ teaching message was simply “Come to me” or “Follow me” or “Obey me.” Also, Jesus made it clear that his primary mission was to forgive sins, something only God could do.

In The World’s Great Religions, Huston Smith observed that of all religious leaders only Jesus claimed to be divine.[6]

And that leads us to the question of what Jesus really did claim for himself; specifically, did Jesus claim to be God?
Re: Bin Gbagbo, The Undisputed King Of Jokes Section....blockbuster!!! by bingbagbo(m): 5:34pm On May 09, 2015
ohn Piper explains that Jesus claimed power which uniquely belonged to God.

“…Jesus’ friends and enemies were staggered again and again by what he said and did. He would be walking down the road, seemingly like any other man, then turn and say something like, ‘Before Abraham was, I am.’ Or, ‘If you have seen me, you have seen the Father.’ Or, very calmly, after being accused of blasphemy, he would say, [b]‘The Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.’ [/b]To the dead he might simply say, ‘Come forth,’ or, ‘Rise up.’

And they would obey. To the storms on the sea he would say, ‘Be still.’ And to a loaf of bread he would say, ‘Become a thousand meals.’ And it was done immediately.”[7]

But what did Jesus really mean by such statements? Is it possible Jesus was merely a prophet like Moses or Elijah, or Daniel? Even a superficial reading of the Gospels reveals that Jesus claimed to be someone more than a prophet. No other prophet had made such claims about himself; in fact, no other prophet ever put himself in God’s place.

Some argue that Jesus never explicitly said, “I am God.” It is true that he never stated the exact words, “I am God.” However, Jesus also never explicitly said, “I am a man,” or “I am a prophet.” Yet Jesus was undoubtedly human, and his followers considered him a prophet like Moses and Elijah. So we cannot rule out Jesus being divine just because he didn’t say those exact words, anymore than we can say he wasn’t a prophet.

In fact, Jesus’ statements about himself contradict the notion that he was simply a great man or a prophet. On more than one occasion, Jesus referred to himself as God’s Son. When asked whether he thought it far-fetched for Jesus to be the Son of God, lead singer of U2, Bono, answered:
“No, it’s not far-fetched to me. Look, the secular response to the Christ story always goes like this: He was a great prophet, obviously a very interesting guy, had a lot to say along the lines of other great prophets,… But actually Christ doesn’t allow you that. He doesn’t let you off the hook. Christ says, No. I’m not saying I’m a teacher, don’t call me a teacher. I’m not saying I’m a prophet….I’m saying I’m God incarnate.” And people say: No, no, please, just be a prophet. A prophet we can take.
Re: Bin Gbagbo, The Undisputed King Of Jokes Section....blockbuster!!! by bingbagbo(m): 5:38pm On May 09, 2015
Before we examine Jesus’ claims, it is important to understand that he made them in the context of the Jewish belief in one God (monotheism). No faithful Jew would ever believe in more than one God. And Jesus believed in the one God, praying to his Father as, “the only true God.”[9]

But in that same prayer, Jesus spoke of having always existed with his Father. And when Philip asked Jesus to show them the Father, Jesus said, “Philip, have I been with you so long and you don’t know me? Whoever has seen me, has seen the Father.”[10] So the question is: “Was Jesus claiming to be the Hebrew God who created the universe?”

Jesus continually referred to himself in ways that confounded his listeners. As Piper notes, Jesus made the audacious statement, “Before Abraham was, I AM.”[11] He told Martha and others around her, “I AM the resurrection and the life; he who believes in me, though he is dead, yet shall he live.”[12] Likewise, Jesus would make statements like, “I AM the light of the world,”[13] “I AM the only way to God,”[14] or, “I AM the “truth.”[15] These and several other of his claims were preceded by the sacred words for God, “I AM” (ego eimi)[16]. What did Jesus mean by such statements, and what is the significance of the term, “I AM”?

Once again, we must go back to context. In the Hebrew Scriptures, when Moses asked God His name at the burning bush, God answered, “I AM.” He was revealing to Moses that He is the one and only God who is outside of time and has always existed. Incredibly, Jesus was using these holy words to describe himself. The question is, “Why?”

Since the time of Moses, no practicing Jew would ever refer to himself or anyone else by “I AM.” As a result, Jesus’ “I AM” claims infuriated the Jewish leaders. One time, for example, some leaders explained to Jesus why they were trying to kill him: “Because you, a mere man, have made yourself God.”[17]
Re: Bin Gbagbo, The Undisputed King Of Jokes Section....blockbuster!!! by bingbagbo(m): 5:40pm On May 09, 2015
Jesus’ usage of God’s name greatly angered the religious leaders. The point is that these Old Testament scholars knew exactly what he was saying—he was claiming to be God, the Creator of the universe. It is only this claim that would have brought the accusation of blasphemy. To read into the text that Jesus claimed to be God is clearly warranted, not simply by his words, but also by their reaction to those words.

C. S. Lewis initially considered Jesus a myth. But this literary genius who knew myths well, concluded that Jesus had to have been a real person. Furthermore, as Lewis investigated the evidence for Jesus, he became convinced that not only was Jesus real, but he was unlike any man who had ever lived. Lewis writes,

“Then comes the real shock,’ wrote Lewis: ‘Among these Jews there suddenly turns up a man who goes about talking as if He was God. He claims to forgive sins. He says He always existed. He says He is coming to judge the world at the end of time.”[18]

To Lewis, Jesus’ claims were simply too radical and profound to have been made by an ordinary teacher or religious leader. (For a more in-depth look at Jesus’ claim to deity, see “Did Jesus Claim to be God?”
Re: Bin Gbagbo, The Undisputed King Of Jokes Section....blockbuster!!! by bingbagbo(m): 5:41pm On May 09, 2015
Some have argued that Jesus was only claiming to be part of God. But the idea that we are all part of God, and that within us is the seed of divinity, is simply not a possible meaning for Jesus’ words and actions. Such thoughts are revisionist, foreign to his teaching, foreign to his stated beliefs, and foreign to his disciples’ understanding of his teaching.

Jesus taught that he is God in the way the Jews understood God and the way the Hebrew Scriptures portrayed God, not in the way the New Age movement understands God. Neither Jesus nor his audience had been weaned on Star Wars, and so when they spoke of God, they were not speaking of cosmic forces. It’s simply bad history to redefine what Jesus meant by the concept of God.

Lewis explains,

Now let us get this clear. Among Pantheists, like the Indians, anyone might say that he was a part of God, or one with God….But this man, since He was a Jew, could not mean that kind of God. God, in their language, meant the Being outside the world, who had made it and was infinitely different from anything else. And when you have grasped that, you will see that what this man said was, quite simply, the most shocking thing that has ever been uttered by human lips
Re: Bin Gbagbo, The Undisputed King Of Jokes Section....blockbuster!!! by bingbagbo(m): 5:43pm On May 09, 2015
Certainly there are those who accept Jesus as a great teacher, yet are unwilling to call him God. As a Deist, we’ve seen that Thomas Jefferson had no problem accepting Jesus’ teachings on morals and ethics while denying his deity.[20] But as we’ve said, and will explore further, if Jesus was not who he claimed to be, then we must examine some other alternatives, none of which would make him a great moral teacher. Lewis, argued, “I am trying here to prevent anyone from saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: ‘I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept his claim to be God.’ That is the one thing we must not say.”[21]

In his quest for truth, Lewis knew that he could not have it both ways with the identity of Jesus. Either Jesus was who he claimed to be—God in the flesh—or his claims were false. And if they were false, Jesus could not be a great moral teacher. He would either be lying intentionally or he would be a lunatic with a God complex.
Re: Bin Gbagbo, The Undisputed King Of Jokes Section....blockbuster!!! by bingbagbo(m): 5:44pm On May 09, 2015
ven Jesus’ harshest critics rarely have called him a liar. That label certainly doesn’t fit with Jesus’ high moral and ethical teaching. But if Jesus isn’t who he claimed to be, we must consider the option that he was intentionally misleading everyone.

One of the best-known and most influential political works of all time was written by Niccolò Machiavelli in 1532. In his classic, The Prince, Machiavelli exalts power, success, image, and efficiency above loyalty, faith, and honesty. According to Machiavelli, lying is okay if it accomplishes a political end.

Could Jesus Christ have built his entire ministry upon a lie just to gain power, fame, or success? In fact, the Jewish opponents of Jesus were constantly trying to expose him as a fraud and liar. They would barrage him with questions in attempts to trip him up and make him contradict himself. Yet Jesus responded with remarkable consistency.

The question we must deal with is: What could possibly motivate Jesus to live his entire life as a lie? He taught that God was opposed to lying and hypocrisy, so he wouldn’t have been doing it to please his Father. He certainly didn’t lie for his followers’ benefit, since all but one were martyred rather than renouncing his Lordship (see “Did the Apostles believe Jesus is God?” . And so we are left with only two other reasonable explanations, each of which is problematic.
Re: Bin Gbagbo, The Undisputed King Of Jokes Section....blockbuster!!! by bingbagbo(m): 5:45pm On May 09, 2015
Many people have lied for personal gain. In fact, the motivation of most lies is some perceived benefit to oneself. What could Jesus have hoped to gain from lying about his identity? Power would be the most obvious answer. If people believed he was God, he would have tremendous power. (That is why many ancient leaders, such as the Caesars, claimed divine origin.)

The rub with this explanation is that Jesus shunned all attempts to move him in the direction of seated power, instead chastising those who abused such power and lived their lives pursuing it. He also chose to reach out to the outcasts (prostitutes and lepers), those without power, creating a network of people whose influence was less than zero. In a way that could only be described as bizarre, all that Jesus did and said moved diametrically in the other direction from power.

It would seem that if power was Jesus’ motivation, he would have avoided the cross at all costs. Yet, on several occasions, he told his disciples that the cross was his destiny and mission. How would dying on a Roman cross bring one power?

Death, of course, brings all things into proper focus. And while many martyrs have died for a cause they believed in, few have been willing to die for a known lie. Certainly all hopes for Jesus’ own personal gain would have ended on the cross. Yet, to his last breath, he would not relinquish his claim of being the unique Son of God. New Testament scholar, J. I. Packer, points out that this title asserts Jesus’ personal deity.

(1) (Reply)

Read The True Meaning Of The Word "GOBE" / Who Is Most Stupid / Please Help Us Caption This Picture

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2023 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 108
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.