The broken
Oge sat staring at the ceiling. Insomnia was already a part of him. He wondered why he always found it difficult to sleep. Different thoughts raced through his mind. His doctor had advised him to sleep more and reduce his thinking because his blood pressure was a little high. I have to reduce or stop these thoughts, he mused. He reminisced about his life.
He remembered how lovely his childhood was. He used to look forward to holidays which his family spent hanging out at the beach or parks. Good oldies, he thought with a smile. He was the only child and he felt on top of the world due to the attention bestowed on him. Everything was going on like a fairytale until that day. The day that shaped his whole life. He just got back from school and he heard his mum and dad arguing bitterly. His young mind could not comprehend what the whole commotion was all about. That argument had led to the break up of a happy home. Even after many years, he still did not understand why people break up. Why get married in the first place, he whispered. He wondered who was to blame; the husband or the wife or maybe the family members. That break up had shattered him. He had no one to tell his pains to; to share his fears. He had kept his pains, anger and fears hidden. Guess it’s the children that suffers the most, he reasoned.
He got up from his bed and went to his fridge. Vodka was what his system needed; at least that’s what he thought. He moved to the sitting room; poured himself a shot and sat down to reflect more. He shied away from commitment because of the fear of break up. Linda, Sade, Aminat among the girls he had dated. Girls from different walks of life; different tribes, religion and occupation. But something kept holding him back. His last break up had shattered him just like his parents break up did.
Emmanuella; that was her name. He loved calling her Ella. He really had big plans for her. He was ready to push away his fears and take the risk because they had a good thing going. He loved being in her company and was always cuddling her or touching her. You are a cat, she once said. He smiled at the memory but a frown was back on his face when he remembered how it turned out. He stood up and paced around his living room trying to push the memory off his mind to no avail. He remembered that scenario just like yesterday too.

‘Hi love’, he said on getting to Ella’s hostel. She reacted coldly to his greeting. He was shocked because it was unusual.
‘Sorry I came late. I can explain‘, he tried pacifying her for what he felt was the reason behind her reaction and proceeded to hug her. She pushed him away from her. That shocked him momentarily.
‘Take a seat. We need to talk‘, she said looking straight at him. He remembered how fast his heart was beating. He knew something was not right. Was she ill? Did I do something wrong? Different thoughts but no answer so he took his seat.
‘I need a break’, she informed him and continued while he was speechless, ‘you’re a nice guy and all but I just need the break’.
‘Is this a joke or something’, he said after finding his voice. He laughed hoping she was joking but the look on her face told him otherwise. And just like that; the relationship was off. No reasons given, no apology. It was years later he realised someone told her something about him. Third party, he mused shaking his head, Some marriages and relationships are destroyed by that. He wondered why Ella did not talk to him about it before making a decision. Not all third party are backstabbers, he wondered why his own story was different.
He took another shot of vodka. His life had changed dramatically since then. He had stayed off women ever since; except for flings. He knew he needed some good loving but he was not ready to risk being hurt. His life had been boring ever since. He concentrated more on his work and nothing more. He shut everything out of his mind; his parents break up and his nonexistent love life. He knew he needed some spice but he was not ready to push it. His phone rang just then.
‘Hello Ogechukwu’, his mum said.
‘Hi mum’, he said wondering why she was calling late at night, ‘why are you awake by this time’.
‘Why have you been avoiding me?’, she said sounding sad, ‘I want to see you, biko. I miss you’.
‘Work has been stressful‘, he said rolling his eyes.
‘Find time to come see me,’ she pleaded, ‘I promise not to nag about getting a wife’.
‘I’ll try’, he sighed. He knew he had been giving her a cold shoulder for a while. He just wanted to be alone; no attachment from his mum, his dad or anybody for that matter. Their constant arguments about his love life did not help matters. Guess I’m more broken than I want to admit, he sighed. He took the remote of his home theatre and played music. Music always came to his rescue and he relaxed. ‘Renegade’ by Paul play came on and the words made him smile.

……Many times I said I love you
Baby that’s a lie
I was a victim of a broken heart
So many times
Love is in a deep sleep
No one to wake it up
Before I give it up
Baby can you wake it up
Renegade; that is what I am
All the way; Baby can you stand
Everyday; I’m running from myself
Looking for a space

NB: watch out for the story on the Storyteller and how they met. Sit back, relax and I can promise you’ll enjoy the ride all the way.
Twitter: @yopeolu
www.realyans./2014/10/08/the-convict-the-broken-and-the-storyteller-2/

carry go