FLOWS by desmondDessi



Have you sin her?/the kinda seen(sin)/its not with the eyes o/she controlling different joystick/like say she na pilot/

Am the chef,the kind of flows that I cook up/you are the waiter,but still couldn't deliver thm

I have been delivering all kind of metaphors/na you know if you wanna call me the metal King/all your life has been one way/you shouldn't understand this(metaphor).

I am in my early 20s/I have kept two murders(mothers) to my name/ One of them died when I was only twelve/she has always been that CAPITAL TWELVE L ALPHABET to me(Love).
I know I just struck you dumb for a minute/that's the fun if it/buht I hope u gerrit.

/I started being a/an always penman in my early age,mostly on sad stories/I hope I don't pen you to your early grave......jokingly o

Months back I always write on Love(hurt)/ then came the shove/ o mehn its hurts like putting hands on stove/ lots of script/never brought them out/ CU's I will be booed for what I did for love/deep down in my heart/I know those script will make a good scene in Bollywood.....for love.

if you ask me WHY/well I don't know/put the sane(same) question to my shadow/well he is black too/and probably don't know too/we two(too) are too big for one's breeches.

Am a novice but own the school you enrolled in/my brother you nor reach.


••••••run a spot check please••••••
Tell me where I got it wrong,where I didn't do well.....or if the whole art is not there at all....abeg ur comments are needed....am new here.


make a critic and make it thick abeg.

desmondDessi:
FLOWS by desmondDessi



Have you sin her?/the kinda seen(sin)/its not with the eyes o/she controlling different joystick/like say she na pilot/

Am the chef,the kind of flows that I cook up/you are the waiter,but still couldn't deliver thm

I have been delivering all kind of metaphors/na you know if you wanna call me the metal King/all your life has been one way/you shouldn't understand this(metaphor).

I am in my early 20s/I have kept two murders(mothers) to my name/ One of them died when I was only twelve/she has always been that CAPITAL TWELVE L ALPHABET to me(Love).
I know I just struck you dumb for a minute/that's the fun if it/buht I hope u gerrit.

/I started being a/an always penman in my early age,mostly on sad stories/I hope I don't pen you to your early grave......jokingly o

Months back I always write on Love(hurt)/ then came the shove/ o mehn its hurts like putting hands on stove/ lots of script/never brought them out/ CU's I will be booed for what I did for love/deep down in my heart/I know those script will make a good scene in Bollywood.....for love.

if you ask me WHY/well I don't know/put the sane(same) question to my shadow/well he is black too/and probably don't know too/we two(too) are too big for one's breeches.

Am a novice but own the school you enrolled in/my brother you nor reach.


••••••run a spot check please••••••
Tell me where I got it wrong,where I didn't do well.....or if the whole art is not there at all....abeg ur comments are needed....am new here.


make a critic and make it thick abeg.

I've never really been good at critiquing but all I can say is read more books dear, get your vocab up, even I still add to my vocab. Structure your sentences properly, I could grasp what you were trying to say but u need to word it better.

We will both practise oo, eventually we will get there. #Shikena

coogar
emaprince
Kr0ne
elymaxiimus
dj5naira
ibime
giyazz
theprekky
thunderstorm
liricyst
guykhena
lagunna1
danbrowndmf
sosiqdude

Adanna28:


I've never really been good at critiquing but all I can say is read more books dear, get your vocab up, even I still add to my vocab. Structure your sentences properly, I could grasp what you were trying to say but u need to word it better.

We will both practise oo, eventually we will get there. #Shikena

Thanks....I really appreciate this.....have seen wat u can do,yeah.... I read some wordings by u last week,great work.

desmondDessi:

Thanks....I really appreciate this.....have seen wat u can do,yeah.... I read some wordings by u last week,great work.

Thank you dear, we learn n grow together.

Improve your diction.

Read and study how d0pe guys create their writtens

Emulate them (for a start)

Continuously feed your brain. I.e, be a voracious reader. This way, you won't know the meaning of "writers block"...


Cheers!

I admire your verses too, espec your recent one what I like about you most is how humble you are. You even seek for advice for learning when you are quite dope.

I am happy we are friends on here.

Adanna28:
I admire your verses too, espec your recent one what I like about you most is how humble you are. You even seek for advice for learning when you are quite dope.

I am happy we are friends on here.

You should see my face now Awwww
Thanks

well i did spot some good ideas...

But here's my advice. You have to lock down rhyming. That's the first stage. Its rap cos of rhymes.
Usually i first have an idea of what i want to say..then find the rhymes to help me tell it best.
Practise rhyming words...practise rhyming schemes. You can start with 2/3 syllables. If you not sure how to rhyme a word...Google its pronunciation. Immediately you would know what rhymes with it.

Once you get that. ...dive into metaphors and similes cos they help your audience envision what you have in mind.

Just keep scripting and practising bro
textceeing takes an insane amount of practise...i could dig up some of my first verses on ffr for you...and you would laugh at me die.
Let krystle said...we all practise.
even if Practice doesn't make you perfect....it makes you effing good

liricyst:
well i did spot some good ideas...

But here's my advice. You have to lock down rhyming. That's the first stage. Its rap cos of rhymes.
Usually i first have an idea of what i want to say..then find the rhymes to help me tell it best.
Practise rhyming words...practise rhyming schemes. You can start with 2/3 syllables. If you not sure how to rhyme a word...Google its pronunciation. Immediately you would know what rhymes with it.

Once you get that. ...dive into metaphors and similes cos they help your audience envision what you have in mind.

Just keep scripting and practising bro
textceeing takes an insane amount of practise...i could dig up some of my first verses on ffr for you...and you would laugh at me die.
Let krystle said...we all practise.
even if Practice doesn't make you perfect....it makes you effing good

I'll be glad to see ur 1st drops on ffr...Thanks.