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Follow Me Thank God. How God Saved My Life. - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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Follow Me Thank God. How God Saved My Life. by AlfaSeltzer(m): 2:27pm On Jun 08, 2015
So last friday I traveled to Port Harcourt and slept in a very good hotel. At night there was no light and I opened the window to get some fresh air. That was when it happened. A big mosquito just perched on my forearm and gave me the bite of my life.
You see, I'm allergic to malaria so the next morning I rushed to a local clinic for blood tests. It cost 80000 naira. And in the evening the result came back positive for malaria parasite. I knew that my life was finished but in the morning for the first time in many years, I went to church.
The pastor was a powerful man of god and he prayed against the spirit of malaria after I gave him 50000 naira.
So today, monday, I'm back in onitsha and I'm still alive. god is really wonderful.
God has conquered the evil mosquito from port harcourt.
I am now a child of god, the parasite killer.
I will no longer fear the bite of any mosquito as god is with me.
I have done some research on this subject and found out that mosquito malaria kills millions of people every year. That is how I know that I am a chosen one of god. Thousands died today from malaria but I did not.
To all the mosquitoes getting ready to bite me today, I'll leave you with this quote:
Psalm 91:7 “A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; but it shall not come near you.”
Re: Follow Me Thank God. How God Saved My Life. by Hawlahscho(m): 2:29pm On Jun 08, 2015
In Case
Re: Follow Me Thank God. How God Saved My Life. by adexsimply(m): 2:29pm On Jun 08, 2015
Lol. Make I just dey watch
Re: Follow Me Thank God. How God Saved My Life. by Nobody: 2:44pm On Jun 08, 2015
AlfaSeltzer:
So last friday I traveled to Port Harcourt and slept in a very good hotel. At night there was no light and I opened the window to get some fresh air. That was when it happened. A big mosquito just perched on my forearm and gave me the bite of my life.
You see, I'm allergic to malaria so the next morning I rushed to a local clinic for blood tests. It cost 80000 naira. And in the evening the result came back positive for malaria parasite. I knew that my life was finished but in the morning for the first time in many years, I went to church.
The pastor was a powerful man of god and he prayed against the spirit of malaria after I gave him 50000 naira.
So today, monday, I'm back in onitsha and I'm still alive. god is really wonderful.
God has conquered the evil mosquito from port harcourt.
I am now a child of god, the parasite killer.
I will no longer fear the bite of any mosquito as god is with me.
I have done some research on this subject and found out that mosquito malaria kills millions of people every year. That is how I know that I am a chosen one of god. Thousands died today from malaria but I did not.
To all the mosquitoes getting ready to bite me today, I'll leave you with this quote:
Psalm 91:7 “A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; but it shall not come near you.”
Today is monday, 3 days is all it is
Re: Follow Me Thank God. How God Saved My Life. by AlfaSeltzer(m): 2:45pm On Jun 08, 2015
polymathic:
Today is monday, 3 days is all it is

you scoffer. don't doubt the power of the almighty god against a mosquito.

a mosquito can never win a battle against our god.
Re: Follow Me Thank God. How God Saved My Life. by texanomaly(f): 4:59pm On Jun 08, 2015
Not again. Unlike some, undecided sarcasm is not lost on me.

1 Like

Re: Follow Me Thank God. How God Saved My Life. by AlfaSeltzer(m): 11:48pm On Jun 08, 2015
texanomaly:
Not again. Unlike some, undecided sarcasm is not lost on me.

Some think it's a joke
but our god acts in mysterious ways
Re: Follow Me Thank God. How God Saved My Life. by texanomaly(f): 12:02am On Jun 09, 2015
AlfaSeltzer:


Some think it's a joke
but our god acts in mysterious ways

Smh

Wish me happy birthday. grin
Re: Follow Me Thank God. How God Saved My Life. by AlfaSeltzer(m): 12:04am On Jun 09, 2015
texanomaly:


Smh

Wish me happy birthday. grin

what's your age?
Re: Follow Me Thank God. How God Saved My Life. by texanomaly(f): 12:27am On Jun 09, 2015
AlfaSeltzer:


what's your age?

Younger than you. tongue
Re: Follow Me Thank God. How God Saved My Life. by AlfaSeltzer(m): 7:42am On Jun 09, 2015
texanomaly:


Younger than you. tongue

Can you be more precise please?
Re: Follow Me Thank God. How God Saved My Life. by texanomaly(f): 1:10pm On Jun 09, 2015
AlfaSeltzer:


Can you be more precise please?

Nope
Re: Follow Me Thank God. How God Saved My Life. by AlfaSeltzer(m): 1:15pm On Jun 09, 2015
texanomaly:


Nope

According to some people, we could be spectacular

When Gemini and Sagittarius come together in a love affair, it can be a truly spectacular match! These two are extremely compatible; any rough spots they encounter during the course of the relationship are sure to be smoothed over with a minimum of effort. Gemini is quite able to provide pioneering, adventurous Sagittarius with the independence Sagittarius requires in a close relationship, because Gemini shares that same need. While Sagittarius needs physical independence, Gemini needs mental freedom, but the need is the same at base. These two both love new experiences, people and sensations, and are sure to have great adventures together. Both have attention spans that love to move quickly from one thing to the next in order to absorb as much experience as possible.

Gemini and Sagittarius are great friends, besides being well-matched lovers. They share a deep understanding and a very similar life view, based on a general, refreshing optimism and enthusiasm. Sagittarius can sometimes be a bit too blunt, saying things without thinking beforehand about whether they’ll hurt someone or not, but Gemini is a hardy sort and, like Sagittarius, can forgive and forget quickly. These two don’t have time or the interest required to hold a grudge.

Gemini is ruled by Mercury (Communication) and Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter (Luck). Mercury lends Gemini their chatty, intellectual demeanor; Jupiter is about both luck and philosophy, and lends Sagittarius their constant questing for knowledge and truth. This is a great match — Gemini comes up with a new idea and Sagittarius jumps right on, ready to explore it to its limits.

Gemini is an Air Sign and Sagittarius is a Fire Sign. This is quite the active relationship! Air spreads Fire far and wide, helping it increase in power. Gemini and Sagittarius together have just this effect on one another. Theirs is a very fiery, passionate connection; there’s always something going on. Sometimes what’s going on escalates into a real argument and actually hurt feelings; these Signs are opposite one another in the Zodiac, which means they have quite a deep and complex connection. In other words, when it’s good it’s very, very good, but when it’s bad it can be terrible. These two may fight most about who’s in charge; they both have competitive streaks that can flare up at inopportune moments. The good thing is, although they may disagree often, their differences of opinion don’t last long — Gemini is too busy moving on to the next challenge to hold a grudge, and Sagittarius can forgive anything but a lack of respect from their Gemini lover.

Gemini and Sagittarius are both Mutable Signs and are thus extremely compatible. They’re both flexible in the extreme, quite willing and able to adapt to change. This is a good thing; when Gemini changes their mind mid-thought, Sagittarius has no problem taking a 180-degree turn and keeping right up with their high-flying partner. When Sagittarius suddenly gets the travel bug, Gemini is very amiable about hopping in the car and going right along.

What’s the best aspect of the Gemini-Sagittarius relationship? Their mutual interest in cultivating knowledge, utilizing intellect and turning it into action. They are well-matched in their enthusiasm, energy and drive. Common interests and similar personalities make them a compatible couple.
http://www.astrology.com/love/compatibility/gemini-sagittarius.html
Re: Follow Me Thank God. How God Saved My Life. by texanomaly(f): 1:33pm On Jun 09, 2015
AlfaSeltzer:


According to some people, we could be spectacular


When Gemini and Sagittarius come together in a love affair, it can be a truly spectacular match! These two are extremely compatible; any rough spots they encounter during the course of the relationship are sure to be smoothed over with a minimum of effort. Gemini is quite able to provide pioneering, adventurous Sagittarius with the independence Sagittarius requires in a close relationship, because Gemini shares that same need. While Sagittarius needs physical independence, Gemini needs mental freedom, but the need is the same at base. These two both love new experiences, people and sensations, and are sure to have great adventures together. Both have attention spans that love to move quickly from one thing to the next in order to absorb as much experience as possible.

Gemini and Sagittarius are great friends, besides being well-matched lovers. They share a deep understanding and a very similar life view, based on a general, refreshing optimism and enthusiasm. Sagittarius can sometimes be a bit too blunt, saying things without thinking beforehand about whether they’ll hurt someone or not, but Gemini is a hardy sort and, like Sagittarius, can forgive and forget quickly. These two don’t have time or the interest required to hold a grudge.

Gemini is ruled by Mercury (Communication) and Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter (Luck). Mercury lends Gemini their chatty, intellectual demeanor; Jupiter is about both luck and philosophy, and lends Sagittarius their constant questing for knowledge and truth. This is a great match — Gemini comes up with a new idea and Sagittarius jumps right on, ready to explore it to its limits.

Gemini is an Air Sign and Sagittarius is a Fire Sign. This is quite the active relationship! Air spreads Fire far and wide, helping it increase in power. Gemini and Sagittarius together have just this effect on one another. Theirs is a very fiery, passionate connection; there’s always something going on. Sometimes what’s going on escalates into a real argument and actually hurt feelings; these Signs are opposite one another in the Zodiac, which means they have quite a deep and complex connection. In other words, when it’s good it’s very, very good, but when it’s bad it can be terrible. These two may fight most about who’s in charge; they both have competitive streaks that can flare up at inopportune moments. The good thing is, although they may disagree often, their differences of opinion don’t last long — Gemini is too busy moving on to the next challenge to hold a grudge, and Sagittarius can forgive anything but a lack of respect from their Gemini lover.

Gemini and Sagittarius are both Mutable Signs and are thus extremely compatible. They’re both flexible in the extreme, quite willing and able to adapt to change. This is a good thing; when Gemini changes their mind mid-thought, Sagittarius has no problem taking a 180-degree turn and keeping right up with their high-flying partner. When Sagittarius suddenly gets the travel bug, Gemini is very amiable about hopping in the car and going right along.

What’s the best aspect of the Gemini-Sagittarius relationship? Their mutual interest in cultivating knowledge, utilizing intellect and turning it into action. They are well-matched in their enthusiasm, energy and drive. Common interests and similar personalities make them a compatible couple.
http://www.astrology.com/love/compatibility/gemini-sagittarius.html


OMG! This describes me perfectly. shocked
I'm a true Gemini! cool

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