1. Ask Yourself if the Anger is Justified
Sometimes anger is perfectly reasonable and it is
always emotionally wise to consider the feelings of
others during an interaction. You should ask
yourself why the person is angry, what role you
may have played, and if there is anything you can
or should do to resolve the situation. It’s
important to note that a person can be justifiably
angry, yet express that anger in an unjustifiable
way. In other words, if I spill a drink on someone
at a party, it makes perfect sense that they would
be angry with me. That response is perfectly
justified. What would be unjustified and
unacceptable is if they expressed that anger by
yelling at me, swearing at me, or becoming
physically aggressive.
I tease these two things apart because we can
address our own mistakes even if someone
responds in a way that is unnecessarily cruel or
insulting. If I spill a drink on someone, and they
yell at me in response, I can still apologize and
offer to buy them a drink to make up for my
error. I can tell them I don’t appreciate their
yelling at me, but that I’m still sorry for spilling
on them.
2. Stay Calm (at least on the outside)
One of the most important things can do when
someone is angry at us is to stay calm . By that,
I mean to avoid yelling, swearing, or raising our
voice. We may not feel calm in the situation, but
we can still act calmly. By speaking slowly and
directly, and keeping our voice calm and soft,
we’re less likely to exacerbate a situation. People
tend to match each other’s volumes, pace, and
general tone, so instead of meeting the angry
person where he or she is at—and escalating the
situation—try to de-escalate the situation by
subtly encouraging them to lower their voice.
3. Avoid Character Assaults
A guaranteed way to escalate an angry situation
is to attack the other person’s character.
Insulting them, or even saying things like, “You
always do this,” is likely to make things worse.
Instead, focus on specific behaviors or feelings in
the moment . Instead of saying, "You always yell
at me when you’re angry,” say, "Please don’t yell
at me.” Instead of saying, “You’re so impatient,”
say, “Can you please be patient with me.” Those
may seem like subtle differences but you don’t
want the person to feel attacked, as it will make
them even more likely to lash out. It’s quite
possible, maybe even likely, that the person really
is too impatient, and if this is someone you are in
a relationship with, you probably want to talk
with them about that impatience at some point.
However, the middle of an angry exchange isn’t
the best time for that conversation.
4. Know When to Disengage
In any exchange with an overly angry person,
there may come a point when you need to
disengage from the situation. There are lots of
reasons why this might be the smart thing to do:
To stay safe, for one ( see below ), but also, and
more commonly, because the situation is such that
there is unlikely to be any positive resolution. The
person may be so angry that a healthy,
reasonable conversation simply can’t be had at
the time. If that’s what is going on, the best
thing to do might be to say, “Let’s talk about this
later when we’re calm,” and move on. Or, if it’s a
stranger you’ll never see again, simply say, “I’m
sorry for my part in this,” and walk away.
5. Stay Safe
Finally, but fundamentally, when you’re dealing
with an angry person, you’ve got to make sure
you’re safe. People can be angry without being
physically aggressive, of course. An angry person
is not necessarily a violent person; far from it.
However, we need to be aware of the fact that
when people are angry, they can feel the urge to
lash out, sometimes physically. If you don’t feel
safe, get away from the person. Period. If you
absolutely must interact with someone who you
feel threatened by, make sure you aren’t alone
with the individual, and enter the situation with a
plan to get yourself out safely should it come to
that. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-the-rage/201506/5-ways-deal-angry-people?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost