Stepdaughter - Family - Nairaland
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| Stepdaughter by Iranoladun(f): 6:38pm On Feb 22, 2009 |
I have a stepdaughter who doesn't help with household chores and my husband support her behaviour. Pls advise |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Akinagirl(f): 7:56pm On Feb 22, 2009 |
Not that it matters because everyone should help out but how old is she? And why is her father wanting her to be lazy? |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Busybody2(f): 8:00pm On Feb 22, 2009 |
It depends on how old the girl is, it could also involve the situation surrounding her dad's divorce/seperation from her mum. |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Iranoladun(f): 10:15pm On Feb 22, 2009 |
She's 29 and my husband had her while he was an undergraduate; he never lived with or marry her mumm |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Akinagirl(f): 10:58pm On Feb 22, 2009 |
Well she needs to get her act together, at 29 why does she not have her own place? WTF nonsense. |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Gamine(f): 11:17pm On Feb 22, 2009 |
29  i can see why she isnt married yet.  |
| Re: Stepdaughter by tope2000(f): 11:24pm On Feb 22, 2009 |
29??  you shud marry her off already |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Nobody: 11:25pm On Feb 22, 2009 |
Gamine:True that. At 29 still living with daddy while her mates are folding up aso epi (abi wetin dem call am?) ? Pure nonsense. |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Iranoladun(f): 11:47pm On Feb 22, 2009 |
Appreciate your comments but need your advise |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Treetop20(m): 12:09am On Feb 23, 2009 |
Iranoladun:marry her off she is a grown woman |
| Re: Stepdaughter by bigfather(m): 1:46am On Feb 23, 2009 |
Iranoladun: Please let her be,since your husband supports her acts. Just protect your own marriage. |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Nobody: 8:12am On Feb 23, 2009 |
Some people just dont like to do house work. I am sorry to say madam, she is 29 a grown woman, you cant make her do anything she doesnt want to do. Just tolerate her till she finds her own place or gets married. Just let it be |
| Re: Stepdaughter by spikedcylinder: 8:32am On Feb 23, 2009 |
You people and your gibberish. Whats wrong with being 29 and not yet married? The OP asked for advise on how to get her step daughter to help out with house work and you all are yapping on about her marital status. Is that the issue? Its her father's house isn't it? |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Sissy3(f): 8:39am On Feb 23, 2009 |
spikedcylinder: exactly !!! |
| Re: Stepdaughter by meexteriox(m): 9:48am On Feb 23, 2009 |
aisha2: I go with you all the way. If at 29, she is not sensible enough to know her duties in her father's house, then i wonder her fate in her future husband's house. Just tolerate her, certainly she can't live with you guys forever. What she sows, she reap - shikena. |
| Re: Stepdaughter by benedictac(f): 10:03am On Feb 23, 2009 |
Dear poster, I have a question for you. Do you love this you step daugther as if she were yours? If yes, then follow this my advice and with prayers. I will advice you to probably bring her closer. Make her see reasons with you that you are not asking her to do house chores because you are seeing her as a maid or because you cannot do without her but you love her as a daughter/sister and wished the best for her in her marriage. Make her understand that if she is used to house chores now it will do her a great favour in marriage coz no man no matter how loving he may be loves a lazy wife let alone his family most especially the mother (mother-inlaw). I think when you speak to her in love she would certainly see reasons with you. Afterall if she were to be your daughter you wont leave her to her fate. thank you. Pls apply wisdom. |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Nobody: 10:15am On Feb 23, 2009 |
benedictac:Her Step Daughter is 29, you may succeed with this tactics with a 9 yr old or 12 yr old step daughter, not a 29 yr old. |
| Re: Stepdaughter by benedictac(f): 10:32am On Feb 23, 2009 |
@ aisha2 My dear, in every impossibility there is alway a possibility. Anyway there is no crime in trying. It is better to try and fail than not try at all. |
| Re: Stepdaughter by spikedcylinder: 11:23am On Feb 23, 2009 |
aisha2: I agree. It is a lot easier with a young child. I have to ask though, if you married her with her father then its not a new issue. Why didn't you tackle this when she was younger? Or did you marry her dad last year? |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Iranoladun(f): 12:07pm On Feb 23, 2009 |
Thanks @aisha2 and @benedictac. I've tried the persuasion/explanation aspects in the past without much success; she'd only change for a while and go back to her old ways. @spikecylinder: I married her father when she was 11 years old and the household chore's been an issue whenever she's on holidays. she does household works whenever she visit other family members house; so it is a deliberate act on her part. I have tried so much to accommodate or tolerate her like I would treat my own daughter, its just that I don't feel comfortable sometimes having a grown up woman in the house doing nothing while I and the rest of the family are sweating it out. The issue of marriage is not on her agenda now hence I cannot say my tolerance period will be short for those who advise that I tolerate her behaviour. I also realize it is her father's house but it's also mine and she's laying a bad precedent for others in my home. |
| Re: Stepdaughter by spikedcylinder: 12:13pm On Feb 23, 2009 |
Then I think you should take it up with her dad as you suspect this is deliberate on her part. What does her dad have to say about this? Does he think its deliberate or he thinks your just like to pick on her? |
| Re: Stepdaughter by JJYOU: 12:27pm On Feb 23, 2009 |
she is 29. you have tolerated for 18yrs just continue to ignore her. |
| Re: Stepdaughter by benedictac(f): 12:47pm On Feb 23, 2009 |
JJYOU: i agree with you. Just ignore her and do ur part |
| Re: Stepdaughter by mogentle(m): 1:08pm On Feb 23, 2009 |
benedictac: I agree with that. what you will tolerate cannot be as much as what you've tolerated. The show will soon end. Just Save your Marriage. |
| Re: Stepdaughter by tRoOE(f): 3:48pm On Feb 23, 2009 |
[color=#990000]@poster My gut tells me there is more to this ur story  Why don't you tell us how your maltreat her, instead of trying to portray urslef as the good step-mother [/ color] |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Iranoladun(f): 4:29pm On Feb 23, 2009 |
Just listen to yourself; how possible it is to maltreat a 29year old girl who is a graduate (currently running a master program) and who refuses to even help with basic cooking of food (mind you she's gonna eat part of the same food) how much more other household chores? My husband initially tried to talk to her and make her see reason but lately he's kind of indifferent to her attitude and believe me I'm not in servitude just like I won't treat anybody as such. All I have ever asked her to do is just to help whenever she's around and not to loaf around without doing nothing. Nairalanders am I asking for too much? |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Nobody: 5:35pm On Feb 23, 2009 |
its a deliberate act on her part cos its the only she feels she can get on ur nerves its like a way of saying she wont give u respect Brush it off and DONT let it GET to you At 29 she's acting like a child thus respond to her as such even if she's ur husband's daughter please live ur life nothing she does will change the fact that u are ur husbands wife |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Outstrip(f): 5:44pm On Feb 23, 2009 |
What so you people mean by tolerate her. Are you saying that this woman should cook for a 29 year old and then do her dishes for her? Please lets be reasonable. There is nothing like tolerate her. She is a member of the family and will always be even after she is married so the 29 year old needs to be told that she is acting like a child. If her father will not do it then her step mom will just have to tell her step daughter that she is a lazy, spoilt brat. If the man feels that it is okay for his daughter to be useless then he should put her in another house and get her a house help there. Na wa. |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Busybody2(f): 7:56pm On Feb 23, 2009 |
Her dad has given up on on her, you have tried your best to persuade her for the past 18 years, my dear quit flogging a dead donkey and face your marriage like some people have advised. God is your strength. Yes she obviously has some serious issues, but it is not a big deal to cook for an extra mouth. I don't even see anything wrong with her half-siblings cooking for her or washng her dishes for her And besides you already mentioned in the other thread that you have househelp, so you have no choice than to tolerate her excesses till her knight in shining armour sweeps her off her feet and carts her off into oblivion  You can't take a cane to her now, can you? Stop getting yourself worked up, 18 years is a very very long time, and the God that gave you the strength to endure these years, would continue to be your strength. Just pray for her that she finds a good husband, who would not kick her out, for not knowing how to cook and keep the house clean, otherwise, she will be moving back to yours before you can say Jack Robinson. 18 years wow you tried, just hang in there, and though it tarries, wait for it. |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Akinagirl(f): 6:10am On Feb 24, 2009 |
Wait for what? Kick her out, shes grown. |
| Re: Stepdaughter by spikedcylinder: 8:16am On Feb 24, 2009 |
Hmmmn. . . . .I don't even know what to say again. If I were in your shoes though, I'd do what my mum does to me - throw a serious, business-like, hysterical fit anytime she acts up. This drives people crazy, I swear. Not like I'm asking you to do it though. . . . but yer know. |
| Re: Stepdaughter by Nobody: 8:49am On Feb 24, 2009 |
Madam the truth is that she is an adult and there is nothing you can do. If you continue hitting on the issue, you will be termed a nag. If you insist, you can design a timetable for chores |
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