I had these issues of my mum in law coming around when I had my first baby...hummmm she was like a thorn in d flesh. Mum would only participate after I had finished bathing my baby...all she did was to shape the baby's head always wonder if that was necessary....a neighbor thought me how to bathe her for 3 days before she came....mum would still be sleeping around 8am just to wake up and start shaping after....i washed clothes (hers) cooked, cleanedp, did everything .....even when d baby cried she will only call me to carry
..she complains a lot and hisses at the cry.....how will a baby not cry?............I hate when there was light cos you will wonder if she was on set with the actors with her endless comments..... Her food had to be at least five times before dusk....to sleep for me na wahala... Cos no time...midnight baby will resume....hubby wud come back very tired and helped with little
............hummmm am expecting my second baby and I don't know how to tell hubby to make her stay back....I tried to make him see reason why she should leave earlier then but you know men and their sentiments when it comes to der mom......in fact I fell serious ill a month after birth cos of the wahala...it was a huge relief when she finally left on her own......I know some mom in law can be angelic.......,.if urs was please share


Pls if u have one like mine.....what is the best way to cope?

I know in igboland, it's the wife's mum that comes over to help. Can't you get your own mom to come around?
Since your MIL doesn't help much, try and explain to your husband in explicit details how you feel about this, and try and get him to convince her to actually help.
BTW,do you ever ask her to do anything or do you expect her to know what to do?

angieberry:
I know in igboland, it's the wife's mum that comes over to help. Can't you get your own mom to come around?
Since your MIL doesn't help much, try and explain to your husband in explicit details how you feel about this, and try and get him to convince her to actually help.
BTW,do you ever ask her to do anything or do you expect her to know what to do?

. Sis in Yoruba culture, it is d mother in law....how will I ask her to help? Wouldn't dat sound disrespectful?

Maybe,just maybe you are not the lady she wanted her son to marry...

No, ma. You just have to be very polite about it. You could just jokingly say to her "mama, come and bath your grandson. I'm sure he'll prefer your gentle ways" or something like that. Make her feel special and be extremely nice to her. I'm sure she'll gladly want to help you out.
Or you could get your husband to talk to her.

FOR1234:
. Sis in Yoruba culture, it is d mother in law....how will I ask her to help? Wouldn't dat sound disrespectful?

Was she forced to come around? She most be sad for something best known to her, what about your mum??

angieberry:
I know in igboland, it's the wife's mum that comes over to help. Can't you get your own mom to come around?
Since your MIL doesn't help much, try and explain to your husband in explicit details how you feel about this, and try and get him to convince her to actually help.
BTW,do you ever ask her to do anything or do you expect her to know what to do?

For123 is not suppose to her mil for help, her mil was there for a reason and she didn't fulfill her reason for coming.

Well, as the MIL is not helping out adequately, she has to speak out and ask for her help.

lilykach02:


For123 is not suppose to her mil for help, her mil was there for a reason and she didn't fulfill her reason for coming.

This Op is always coming up with different stories.

enoqueen:
This Op is always coming up with different stories.

. Madam

enoqueen:
This Op is always coming up with different stories.

. Na only one issue u get? DAT means u are still where u were over a decade cos every move we make must have a story

My MIL is an angel, I don't do anything when she is around other than wash my own panties. In fact , any time the baby cry (at midnight), she is the one that tend to her . All I do is to look good and breastfeed the baby.
My she live long for me and the family.

As for your MIL , I guess there is something wrong some where for her to go to the extent of even hissing at her grandchild cry. You need to discuss with your husband in a calm manner. I know since he is Yoruba he might insist on his mum coming after the birth of your child but at least if he talk to her, she should be helpful This time around.

I wish you all the best .

Handle it and live with it, it is only for a while.
You know the culture , you are not the first woman to cope with it so just try and pray for God to give you the patience and strength.
It will be hectic and hard but when she goes end of topic.
However if you choose to confront the situation, she will leave your house with stories and spend the rest of her life waging war against you.
If you truly love your husband make that sacrifice. It is difficult for any one to be torn between his/her mother and the spouse.
Maybe you can ask for someone else to also come at that time, a relation from your side who can help you cope.
Be wise and patient and all will go well. Mother in laws are jealous of their sons wife. She does not mean you harm, she just longs for more attention of her son.
Go out of your way to show her that she has not lost a son but gained an extra daughter and grandchildren.
Try to handle the situation with love and understanding and you will surely prevail.
I know it is hard because a woman is most vulnerable after giving birth but God will see you through. And do not fail to show your husband your weakness and your difficulty in coping with everything. Communicate with him respectfully and he will certainly help you out also by appealing to his mother to show more understanding.
Another issue is that your MIL may not help if you do not directly ask for help.- Mama please carry the baby while I wash the cloths. She might not want to interfere. If she wakes up latter let her bath the baby when she wakes up. A baby must not birth first thing in the morning. The woman has had a hectic life, let her also have some rest now.

mutter:
Handle it and live with it, it is only for a while.
You know the culture , you are not the first woman to cope with it so just try and pray for God to give you the patience and strength.
It will be hectic and hard but when she goes end of topic.
However if you choose to confront the situation, she will leave your house with stories and spend the rest of her life waging war against you.
If you truly love your husband make that sacrifice. It is difficult for any one to be torn between his/her mother and the spouse.
Maybe you can ask for someone else to also come at that time, a relation from your side who can help you cope.
Be wise and patient and all will go well. Mother in laws are jealous of their sons wife. She does not mean you harm, she just longs for more attention of her son.
Go out of your way to show her that she has not lost a son but gained an extra daughter and grandchildren.
Try to handle the situation with love and understanding and you will surely prevail.
I know it is hard because a woman is most vulnerable after giving birth but God will see you through. And do not fail to show your husband your weakness and your difficulty in coping with everything. Communicate with him respectfully and he will certainly help you out also by appealing to his mother to show more understanding.
Another issue is that your MIL may not help if you do not directly ask for help.- Mama please carry the baby while I wash the cloths. She might not want to interfere. If she wakes up latter let her bath the baby when she wakes up. A baby must not birth first thing in the morning. The woman has had a hectic life, let her also have some rest now.

. God bless u for this sis
......I will try.......may GOd give me d grace cos it is not gonna be easy with two children...
.I just pray something should happen before my baby comes..

Cos I don't nid any help....if I cope with my first then I should dis time

FOR1234:
I had these issues of my mum in law coming around when I had my first baby...hummmm she was like a thorn in d flesh. Mum would only participate after I had finished bathing my baby...all she did was to shape the baby's head always wonder if that was necessary....a neighbor thought me how to bathe her for 3 days before she came....mum would still be sleeping around 8am just to wake up and start shaping after....i washed clothes (hers) cooked, cleanedp, did everything .....even when d baby cried she will only call me to carry
..she complains a lot and hisses at the cry.....how will a baby not cry?............I hate when there was light cos you will wonder if she was on set with the actors with her endless comments..... Her food had to be at least five times before dusk....to sleep for me na wahala... Cos no time...midnight baby will resume....hubby wud come back very tired and helped with little
............hummmm am expecting my second baby and I don't know how to tell hubby to make her stay back....I tried to make him see reason why she should leave earlier then but you know men and their sentiments when it comes to der mom......in fact I fell serious ill a month after birth cos of the wahala...it was a huge relief when she finally left on her own......I know some mom in law can be angelic.......,.if urs was please share


Pls if u have one like mine.....what is the best way to cope?

wow! I feel for you though. The reason for mum or mum in law coming after childbirth is solely to help with the baby. I'll advise you to have a talk with hubby about it. It is your hubby that can appeal to his mum to help out when she's around otherwise it's really ideal she stays back.

My mum in law is an angel (God bless her). She nursed all my kids cos my mum still works and hardly had time off and I also had to resume back from maternity leave after each child.

If hubby fails to convince his mum to help out, I'll advise that anytime you're tired or need your sleep, just take baby stylishly to grandma and have your deserved rest

I feel for you poster, talk to hubby about the situation, and go easy on your body, relax if you have too, I have a bad mother in law too that will never raise a finger to do anything in my presence, you will be fine dear, God bless.

FOR1234:
I had these issues of my mum in law coming around when I had my first baby...hummmm she was like a thorn in d flesh. Mum would only participate after I had finished bathing my baby...all she did was to shape the baby's head always wonder if that was necessary....a neighbor thought me how to bathe her for 3 days before she came....mum would still be sleeping around 8am just to wake up and start shaping after....i washed clothes (hers) cooked, cleanedp, did everything .....even when d baby cried she will only call me to carry
..she complains a lot and hisses at the cry.....how will a baby not cry?............I hate when there was light cos you will wonder if she was on set with the actors with her endless comments..... Her food had to be at least five times before dusk....to sleep for me na wahala... Cos no time...midnight baby will resume....hubby wud come back very tired and helped with little
............hummmm am expecting my second baby and I don't know how to tell hubby to make her stay back....I tried to make him see reason why she should leave earlier then but you know men and their sentiments when it comes to der mom......in fact I fell serious ill a month after birth cos of the wahala...it was a huge relief when she finally left on her own......I know some mom in law can be angelic.......,.if urs was please share


Pls if u have one like mine.....what is the best way to cope?

so na u born na u still de take care of her? I always say it don't start what you cantfinish this time around if. She. Comes ignore her do de little you can fo you nd your baby nd if she complains tell her politely that in omugwo modas take care of d duagthers nott de other way. Around

Can your mum come this time around? If no, allow your MIL come, then hire a live-out part time house help. That way, you only get to bother about the new born while the house help handles the chores.

Phema:
Can your mum come this time around? If no, then allow your MIL come, then hire a live-out part time house help. That way, you only get to bother about the new born while the house help handles the chores.

Simple,but you know in Nigeria they have it easy-let them come and ask their mates abroad irrespective of the race,you will take care of your baby alone.

My friend has 3 kids and her mother works,the MIL lives in Nigeria,nobody to help yet she manages to care for her kids and when they are a year,she goes back to work.

There are things in life you have to tell yourself that i need to do it for ME and not rely on people.If you want something done perfectly,do it yourself.

Op pele,i can imagine what it feels like!
My MIL is God sent,infact the baby sleeps in her room so i can get enough rest,she only wakes me up for feeding though everyone is not perfect as she has some scrupples i try to cope with for d over 2months she stayed!just try to over look and remind ursef dt she'll leave one day,DONT CONFRONT her i beg u,it myt bcome a drama u never set out for,just leave her be and source for help however u can,cnt ur mom drop by for few days regularly?or get someone dt comes in d morning and leaves at night?

Madam, No I don't have one like yours because we worked together rather than see her as a stranger coz she's not my mom. These folks are old and not just there to serve you alone, it's a mini vaca for them too so have that in mind. Hehe you're funny, so you expect her be up @8am for what The earlier the better ladies understand the concept of marriage.

my MIL is not a morning person ( as the matter of fact most of them aren't) and since the baby doesn't have anywhere to go why bathe her early? so I sleep in wella and she takes care of the baby herself around noon after her morning devotion & coffee.

As per shaping the baby's head, do you have a problem with that? If you do then tell her point blank without being rude about it.

As per laundry, you don't have to form superwoman beyond your ability, do what you can coz she deeply understands you're a new mom, trust me she knows.

Lemme tell you , I've seen soo much new mom vs mil problems, I can't even begin to narrate them all, your approach & body language will determine her attitude around your home. Some women don't like anyone in their kitchen , MILs notice this and backs off hence their bad attitude, and since this is an obligation for them to care for their grandkids, their bad side began to emanate.

I know a new mom that cooks 4x a day coz she doesnt like strangers in her kitchen. If the mil needs an ordinary pap or tea, she rush in the kitchen will make it I tell ya. And I heard she gossiped about her mil being unhelpful, I just told the other ladies to ignore her coz she's a big fat liar. She hugs everything it was too uncomfortable to watch.
I can't , I dont freaking care just make me the damn food.

I've seen another mil from village that loves to watch Nollywood 24/7 and cares for her grandchildren but her dil detests it coz of power bills she was diven to the airport by her son after 6 weeks unnoticed. I heard she cried at the airport. Na real gobe waiting for that wife in Naija oh.

... And many many more.

So madam OP, Maybe you should check yourself first. And If you can't stand your MIL's presence in your home. Then don't . Good luck with that.

Ewuro you made some very valid points.

Some people are very sensitive and when they notice that they are not all that welcome or not feel comfortable in someone elses home, they step back and dont get involved in your domestics.

The length of time I spend at someones house depends on how "comfortable I feel with that person. Some places I sit on the floor, spread out and gist, while some places (thankfully very few) I wont even put my bag down and perch at the edge of the chair.

Maybe mama too feels that she is trespassing so has decided to take a back seat role. It doesnt make her bad.

It also depends on the type of relationship you had with her before she came visiting. I see no reason why you cant politely ask her to assit you with things if you were pally pally and free with each other before.

Relationships are also 2 way streets and need investing in and growth. For the majority, If you have been good to someone, then there is no reason why the person shouldnt do same to you when you need them, especially family.

This time, condition your mindset before she comes that it will be a positive experience, you will use her assistance and experience and that you will both develop and enjoy a better relatiobship during this visit.

If you are harbouring negetive thoughts, before she even comes, and already expecting the worse, then "fights" and friction will be inevitable.

Congrats in advance.

It is a privilege these mums come over to take care of your own baby, not your right.
You and your husband made the baby, channel your angst to him. He should do more in rearing his own child, otherwise hire a nanny.

FOR1234:
. God bless u for this sis
......I will try.......may GOd give me d grace cos it is not gonna be easy with two children...
. I just pray something should happen before my baby comes..

Cos I don't nid any help....if I cope with my first then I should dis time

What are you praying for to happen?
We know you 'don't need any help' ( your kinda person fume from your post sef) She's only doing all these for her son not you. It's her son's home too. Relax nobody's stealing your spoon.

^^^^ Lol Ewuro4 don vex .

Maybe she is praying that the MIL decides not to come this time around or ........

edwife:
^^^^ Lol Ewuro4 don vex .
Maybe she is praying that the MIL decides not to come this time around or ........

Edwife I can't

Ewuro4:


Edwife I can't

Ewuro4!!! Ekun oko oke!

@ OP, why does mama have to come, you and your hubby should talk this through now.

naijababe:
Ewuro4!!! Ekun oko oke!

Obirin merindinlogun Lon keesi

Kinimotunshe oh

Edwife OR what?


I can't

Ewuro4:
Edwife OR what?


I can't

Eh eh eh let the Op answers this one o

edwife:


Eh eh eh let the Op answers this one o

I have an idea but just can't