Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues - Family - Nairaland
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Help! My Marriage Is Falling Apart. (MARRIAGE ISSUES) / Solve Your Family Or Marriage Issues Here / Ways You Use In Resolving Marriage Issues. (2) (3) (4)
| Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Atk1nson(m): 5:34pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
Some of us are planning to 'settle down' soon, could the married ones please help provide advice/tips on any of the following to-dos/ challenges that occur prior to marriage: 1. Introducing a lady to your parent (how to pass the best impression). 2. How to convince your parents that you are set for marriage and won't abandon some family responsibilities. 3. How to manage/overcome the 'don't marry-before-your-elders' belief held by parents. 4. How to negotiate bride price and other associated fees demanded for by the bride's family. 5. How to limit the number of people that attend the wedding and other costs that can be saved. Thanks. 1 Like |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by nicerod(m): 6:05pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
Please wait while your transaction is processing 1 Like |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Atk1nson(m): 6:10pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Mamaflex(f): 6:15pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
Op you are obviously a kid. |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by raumdeuter: 6:22pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
Give am belle and everything would resolve itself. Na belle sure pass |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Atk1nson(m): 6:26pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
Mamaflex:please ignore and move to the next thread if u find this childish. 8 Likes |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Melahou(m): 6:51pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
When you are ready for the big thing am sure you'll know. After proposing then you introduce her to your parent then the rest will follow. As for number 4...your family members and your potential in law will sit down and negotiate You don't need to offer all the request made. 1 Like |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by KanwuliaJara: 7:08pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
You nor sabi where "Nobody" thread dey for NL?  |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Atk1nson(m): 7:57pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
Melahou:thanķs |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Nobody: 8:59pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
Woww... Nice one Ak1nson... coming back with my reply  Davide470 et al, come see your mate oo.. you still dey form bobo 2 Likes |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by THUNDER4real(m): 9:07pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
The last question: Move the wedding to another state and provide 16 sitter bus for the families(u & ur wife), Those other people that wants to attend can come on there own. This can be applied only in white wedding. ans. Ur target will be 50. 2 Likes |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by davide470(m): 9:08pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
Nice One Atk1nson.. Don't worry, wait for MarvellousGod and RepoGirl response. You will get the best. MarvellousGod:  After my Ph.D, and I haven't even started my Masters sef. Lol. 1 Like |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Atk1nson(m): 9:20pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
davide470:davide470 & MarvellousGod thanks, I just think dat's the next frontier in my life quest. We'll all get there in time. 1 Like |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Atk1nson(m): 9:26pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
THUNDER4real:Nice, so the white wedding be merged with the traditional wedding? |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by repogirl(f): 4:01am On Jun 25, 2015 |
Wow, these are serious jamb questions even for a married person like me but I will try to attack it to my best knowledge. I believe the planning of the wedding shouldn't fall on only one persons shoulders, two people are getting married here and both families have to come together to contribute their quota, this is.only fair except either of them.is.against the.union. I will skip that number one as I am a lady, if it were introducng a guy, I might have helped. For me, even before my husband proposed, with the consent of my parents, I had been inviting him to the house because we were both in a committed relationship and so it came as no surprise to them when I said we wanted to.get married. They were not pals with him but they knew him well enough cos they had interacted with him. The second question is tricky as I would have thought every parent would love their child to settle down responsibly and begin a family of their own. It would be selfish for.a parent to.hold back consent of their childs marriage.just.because they are afraid their monthly paycheck might cease. I cannot answer this question as I was raised to focus on my life and not my family's life.....maybe the guys will help. Which one is dont marry before your elders? As if one's intending spouse is.going to be waiting for all the elders to marry finish until it reaches their turn. I believe this is a ridiculous advice, its foreign to my knowledge and I cant help here either. Now the bride price thibg is another matter....like it or yes, you have to pay the bride price, now the family of the bride might cut down on some stuff and they might not but on your part, make a budget. Use style to ask your fiancee which part of the planning her family will take responsibility. If they say nothing, then you have entered one chance bus. You will have to set up a budget and estimate how much you can set aside for.the.bride price. You might not be able to get everything on the list but you should endeavour to do two third of it. How to limit the number of people, well you might have a number in mind and your parents and inlaws to be might have their own number....dont know if am the best to answer this. My own wedding, we had decided on at most 250 people but my father began inviting his classmates from university, all his personal business customers and they plenty o, all the companies that his company of employment ddid business with and then all his friends and family members which is quite large. It turned into a big wedding but my parents handled the hall, entertainment, food and transport of the family part so I guess he was allowed.to invite the whole country if he.wanted. This relieved the financial burden on my husband a bit and we put all money saved into a nice honeymoon getaway. I dont know if I have been able to help much as I speak from.the females perspective but in conclusion, all hands must be on deck to plan a good wedding ceremony except if some of the parties involved are not supportive of the union. Anyway, the key thing is to plan a budget and work with it. 2 Likes |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Jamean(f): 5:22am On Jun 25, 2015 |
Mamaflex: I don't get it. Do kids get married? Or when did it become wrong to ask questions about things one needs clarity on. We know you are a mama but biko let's read and learn 2 Likes |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Mamaflex(f): 7:35am On Jun 25, 2015 |
Jamean:Nne nor vex. This is why I assumed he's a kid. I will write based on his questions. cc Atk1nson 1. When you are matured you will know what to do. 2. You don't have to"convince". This is where maturity set in again. No parent will stop their child from getting married because they think he will abandon them. If they knew their child, they should know what he can do (if he is the type). 3. It depends on your own family. It is not so everywhere. Anybody who is matured enough can get married. Your success will depend on how strong your family hold on to that belief. 4. I don't think /know if its negotiable. If it is, that should be both families responsibility. But you have to be ready like you should budget for everything on the list should incase its not negotiable. In my case there was no negotiation. They brought the list, and my husband provided them. 5. Well, it depends on the venue /location. If Na village you dey do am, village people nor need invitation o . If its town, you budget according to your invitees (friends and families) plus 20-30 unknown guests because your friend might bring a friend too.Success bro. And sorry about my first post. 1 Like |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Nobody: 7:39am On Jun 25, 2015 |
Atk1nson:it's really a good thing seeing young guys trying to settle down, so make I attempt the questions. . 1).. I think the best way to make your parents like your fiancee is to present her in the best possible light... Like talking about how she's helped you attain your goals, just those good stuffs she did/does for you. Your parents seeing how happy you're will easily accept her cos all they want to know is that there son is happy. .. Also, You have to respect your fiancee if she's to get full respect from your family. . The way you treat her is the way others will treat her... 2) I think a guy will answer this better cos I have no idea.. but they're your parents and you'll know how best to convince them.. 3) Hmmm, I thought parents are always happy when their children want to settle down, all they want to know most times is that the person you hv chosen is the right person. . Anyway, if they behave as you've written, it's up to you to make them see those reasons why you really have to settle down... A guy can also help you with this question. . 4) The bride price thingy is entirely up to your in laws, you know the kinda family your fiancee comes from.. are they greedy? ? Your girl can as well talk to her people to exclude whatever isn't necessary. . Also, your family and hers can sit and negotiate. .. But just know that there are certain things on the marriage list that ain't negotiable, your aim should be to bypass the optional ones.... if your bride's family is well to do they may take up part of the expenses... 5) First thing is to have a budget and work with it. Make a list of all you need to do along with their respective budgets and work strictly with it...Your girl should also be aware of this... you can cut costs by having both trad and white wedding same day, most times this requires people to have their white wedding in the village.. Go for affordable vendors... Avoid unnecessary purchases, many people end up not using some things they buy for for their weddings.. If you already have an item, no need of buying a new one eg shoes... Above all, don't think about what people will say about your wedding like how small/low it is, remember celebrations last for just one day and you should have enough saved to take care of your family afterwards. .. About cutting down guests, I don't really know oo cos this is Naija, some people just hear musics and rush down to partake in free rice and drinks .. You may invite a friend and the friend will invite his friend and it continues. ..... However, cutting down guests may work if weddings are held in the city....All the best...  2 Likes |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Atk1nson(m): 7:57am On Jun 25, 2015 |
Thanks to all the contributors, I'm definitely better informed and will act on it. |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Jamean(f): 8:43am On Jun 25, 2015 |
Mamaflex: So you ended up giving answers to the questions which you should have done in the first place. BTW, there's no word as "matured" it is mature irrespective of the tense. 3 Likes |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by jashar(f): 8:49am On Jun 25, 2015 |
Nice questions OP. I'm here to learn. |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Mamaflex(f): 10:17am On Jun 25, 2015 |
. |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by Mamaflex(f): 10:17am On Jun 25, 2015 |
Jamean:Really? Suit yourself.  |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by strictlynaija: 1:40pm On Jun 25, 2015 |
Jamean:www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/matured |
| Re: Need Assistance On Some Pre - Marriage Issues by GeneralOjukwu: 7:36pm On Sep 25, 2017 |
Atk1nson: Any woman unfortunate enough to end up with a dunce and a fagg0t like you deserves what she gets ...i will remember you 1 Like |
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