CRITICISM AND SUCCESS


Criticism is inevitable in a world filled with imperfect people who like to express their opinions.

You cannot predict with precision how, when and from where criticism will come, but you can determine how it meets you as well as your response.

The fear of criticism can hinder progress and limit success, but it cannot prevent criticism. Think about that!
I will rather be criticized for being true to myself, my calling and my purpose than be criticized while trying to fake something, while trying to impress whoever, while living to win other people's approval.

Why Do We Fear or Dislike Criticism?

•It makes us feel rejected or unapproved, hurt or disrespected
•It tells us we don't know it all
•It can destroy hard-earned reputation
•It can cause distraction especially to followers and so on

None of these reasons are strong enough to keep us in our yesterday and rob us of a glorious, joyful, colorful, and success-filled tomorrow.They are not worthy of stopping us from creating a better world for our family, organization and nation. They don't deserve to be a stumbling block to fulfillment and happiness.

Criticisms are not that bad though even when very harsh and unreasonable. If well managed, they can help bring the best out of us. To help achieve that, we will discuss 'The Psychology of Criticism.' Discover why people criticize and how criticism may influence you.

Cc: Lalasticlacla,
Cc: Ishilove

Source: www.maadedoyin..com

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The Psychology of Criticism

The purpose of this discussion is to let you understand why people criticize because this can help you choose your response to criticism. I am of the opinion that there are no constructive or destructive criticisms, there are only constructive or destructive responses to criticisms. Knowing why people criticize will help you respond constructively to criticism because, as we mentioned last week, you WILL be criticized.

Why Do People Criticize?
Instead of holding on to the popular believe in constructive or destructive criticism, I think a more constructive way to view the issue is by seeing criticism as either immature or mature.
So we will state some of the reasons for criticism under these two categories.

Immature Criticism
Reasons for this include:
1.to stop pain, physical or emotional
2.to assert authority
3.to manipulate or control
4.to distract others from personal or group weakness
5.to win approval (of those in pain)
6.to impress
7.etc
Mature Criticism
Reasons under this category include:
1.to protect the criticized from possible danger
2.to impact knowledge
3.to defend the weak
4.to uphold truth, character and justice
The difference between immature and mature criticism is that the former is self-centered and does not seek to understand the criticized. For example, people who lose their jobs or got a cut in their pays because a company is trying to survive ongoing industrial change may criticize their employer just to get their jobs or more pay. This kind of criticism is immature. It has nothing to do with the process employed by the employer -- whether it was right or wrong. It just means that criticism intended to stop pain is immature. Only children cry at anything that causes pain, they don't want to understand the reason, they don't want to know what another person is going through or has to go through, all they want is that the pain is removed-- even if it is meant for their good.
. . .

Now how should we deal with criticisms when they come? How does the above apply to our family-life, business or job or position, especially in the leadership? We will continue with that.

RESPONDING TO CRITICISMS

Summary of previous lesson:

•Criticisms are neither constructive nor destructive, responses are;
•Criticisms can be mature or immature;
• Immature criticisms are self-centered and does not seek to understand the criticized;
• Matured criticism seeks to help and protect someone other than the critic or at least seeks to understand the criticized view-point
•Criticizing someone just because you are in physical or emotional pain is immature.


We all need to guard ourselves against the fire-for-fire approach to criticism. Your aim, when hurt or embarrassed by criticism is not to hurt the critic. What will you gain by hurting someone who criticized you? Does is it remove the effect of the criticism? No! It only opens doors for more offensive criticism(s) especially when the first was not intended to harm (that is, not immature). Your goal should be to use the criticism to your own advantage and that of others.

Please note: the fact that you are hurt or embarrassed by a criticism doesn’t make that the purpose of the criticism. No matter how kind the critic is in expressing his/her view, you may still FEEL hurt or embarrassed. We all need to learn that we are not the same as our feelings, that feelings are very unreliable when it comes to decision-making and that acting against our feelings is, sometimes, a sign of maturity.




RESPONDING TO CRITICISMS

How do I react to criticisms? Keep quiet or fight hard? There are times when keeping quiet is necessary and there are other times when it is disastrous. It depends on the type of criticism (mature or immature), the area of impact of the criticism and the people it affects.

Response to Immature Criticism




If your action or inaction causes someone else pain (emotional or physical) and you are criticized – whether mature or immature – be kind enough to understand and recognize the pain. That is not time for lecture!


For example, a man was unusually late coming home and the wife got really worried. She expected his call but nothing came. After a while, she decided to make the call but he didn’t respond neither did he call back (because he couldn’t, not that he didn’t want to). The wife got so worried and so angry that when the man finally arrived, she was not kind enough to ask about what happened. Instead, she criticized the husband for being very insensitive.

That is not the time for the husband to get angry and criticize the wife for being insensitive too. He should understand what the woman must have gone through and comfort her. When she is calm, he can then explain what happened politely.

If however the person who felt the pain doesn’t care what you have to say after attempts of trying to show understanding and you don’t have anything to lose in the relationship (e.g. you are the boss who fired an employee), ignore the critic.




Immature Criticism Against Your Assignment?

If an immature criticism is launched against your assignment in life or purpose for making a decision, you cannot afford to respond in an immature way but don’t keep quiet either! Even if the critic is not interested in your response, those who your assignment is meant for needs to hear your balanced view of the situation. The same goes for those you are accountable to. If you consider it important to keep quiet, be sure you have a “all-knowing” information about the consequence of the quietness. And that is not possible except God is the one who told you to be quiet and you are sure He did.




RESPONDING TO MATURE CRITICISM




Our responses to a mature criticism should be the same as to a criticism against our assignments or purposes except that we should be open to correction. Even if the criticism makes us feel hurt or embarrassed, we should be willing to accept it as a counsel.

The following are appropriate response to such criticisms:

•Appreciate the critic(s)

•Acknowledge your mistake(s) if any

•State your next line of action if indicated
•Sincerely act accordingly
Thank you for reading. Hope this helped you in some ways

RESPONDING TO CRITICISMS

Summary of previous lesson:

•Criticisms are neither constructive nor destructive, responses are;
•Criticisms can be mature or immature;
• Immature criticisms are self-centered and does not seek to understand the criticized;
• Matured criticism seeks to help and protect someone other than the critic or at least seeks to understand the criticized view-point
•Criticizing someone just because you are in physical or emotional pain is immature.


We all need to guard ourselves against the fire-for-fire approach to criticism. Your aim, when hurt or embarrassed by criticism is not to hurt the critic. What will you gain by hurting someone who criticized you? Does is it remove the effect of the criticism? No! It only opens doors for more offensive criticism(s) especially when the first was not intended to harm (that is, not immature). Your goal should be to use the criticism to your own advantage and that of others.

Please note: the fact that you are hurt or embarrassed by a criticism doesn’t make that the purpose of the criticism. No matter how kind the critic is in expressing his/her view, you may still FEEL hurt or embarrassed. We all need to learn that we are not the same as our feelings, that feelings are very unreliable when it comes to decision-making and that acting against our feelings is, sometimes, a sign of maturity.




RESPONDING TO CRITICISMS

How do I react to criticisms? Keep quiet or fight hard? There are times when keeping quiet is necessary and there are other times when it is disastrous. It depends on the type of criticism (mature or immature), the area of impact of the criticism and the people it affects.

Response to Immature Criticism




If your action or inaction causes someone else pain (emotional or physical) and you are criticized – whether mature or immature – be kind enough to understand and recognize the pain. That is not time for lecture!


For example, a man was unusually late coming home and the wife got really worried. She expected his call but nothing came. After a while, she decided to make the call but he didn’t respond neither did he call back (because he couldn’t, not that he didn’t want to). The wife got so worried and so angry that when the man finally arrived, she was not kind enough to ask about what happened. Instead, she criticized the husband for being very insensitive.

That is not the time for the husband to get angry and criticize the wife for being insensitive too. He should understand what the woman must have gone through and comfort her. When she is calm, he can then explain what happened politely.

If however the person who felt the pain doesn’t care what you have to say after attempts of trying to show understanding and you don’t have anything to lose in the relationship (e.g. you are the boss who fired an employee), ignore the critic.




Immature Criticism Against Your Assignment?

If an immature criticism is launched against your assignment in life or purpose for making a decision, you cannot afford to respond in an immature way but don’t keep quiet either! Even if the critic is not interested in your response, those who your assignment is meant for needs to hear your balanced view of the situation. The same goes for those you are accountable to. If you consider it important to keep quiet, be sure you have a “all-knowing” information about the consequence of the quietness. And that is not possible except God is the one who told you to be quiet and you are sure He did.




RESPONDING TO MATURE CRITICISM




Our responses to a mature criticism should be the same as to a criticism against our assignments or purposes except that we should be open to correction. Even if the criticism makes us feel hurt or embarrassed, we should be willing to accept it as a counsel.

The following are appropriate response to such criticisms:

•Appreciate the critic(s)

•Acknowledge your mistake(s) if any

•State your next line of action if indicated
•Sincerely act accordingly
Thank you for reading. Hope this helped you in some ways

Source: www.maadedoyin..com