10 Funny Things That Can Kill You in Nigeria
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One of the greatest certainties of life is death. It is, no doubt, as certain as daybreak. Knowing this, however, you don't want to die, to die carelessly. You don't want to die prematurely too; and, above all, you want to be decently buried at old age. In Nigeria, unfortunately, Death doesn't write you a letter before it kills you. Death is rude - it can kill you anytime, anyhow.
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Here are 10 funny things that can kill you in Nigeria:
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1. Stray Bullet

Nigerian policemen are well trained and equipped; nevertheless, the slight problem is that they carry guns which discharge bullets too carelessly. If you're unfortunate, such bullets may hit you in the street and you'll say goodbye to the world forever.
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2. Uncovered Gutters

Gutters ought to help solve the problems associated with erosion, right? Yes. How then does gutter kill? Uncovered gutters, especially the very deep ones, can kill you in the night if you accidentally fall into one and there's nobody around to quickly help you. You may end up breaking your neck and get killed in the process.
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3. Banana Peels

Banana, that long, curvy succulent fruit, is very sweet when trapped in your throat but it is a different story when trapped beneath the sole of your shoes. Banana peels, when not properly disposed, might kill you when you unconsciously step on it. Imagine yourself stepping on banana peels carelessly lying on the floor, and, staggering backward, you fell on broken bottles that another idiot has left on the floor. Will you be alive to tell the story?
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4. Generator

There are electric poles everywhere in Nigeria, only that electricity is epileptic. Consequently, most people, even you, rely on generator. This is not a bad idea but your generator can kill you if luck run against you. One precious evening, you might be attending to your generator and your phone would ring. You, feeling you're better than your neighbour, might smile, bring out your phone while kneeling before your generator, and then all you hear is BOOOOMMMM. Your generator has cut fire roasting you alive like a cat fish.
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5. Traffic Jam

Birds can fly freely in the sky on windy and windless days but man can't. Nigerians, especially those living in Lagos, spend not less than two hours daily in terrific traffic jam. If you live and work in Lagos, you're unsafe. Work stress and traffic jam, over a long period of time, can kill you.
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6. Live Wires

Watch your back whenever you walk on the street. Although you may not have power in your homes for days, those shiny, silvery wires you see connecting concrete poles are very dangerous. And because the contractors who fix them are corrupt, wanting to make excess profits, the wires break like thread. If your 'Chi' sleeps for a second, while scrolling in the street, the wire may fall on top of your head and you're gone.
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7. Petrol

With the recent and endless crisis rocking the Nigerian oil industry, petrol is gradually becoming one of the most likely thing that can kill a Nigerian, you. The hike in pump price has made oil bunkery very desirable, making you to buy stolen oil in gallons. You keep unused petrol in gallons and hide them in your toilet. And then it happens, your mischievous cousin, who notoriously smokes Indian hemp, comes to pay you a visit. Intending to hide his 'Igbo' from you, he goes into the toilet to smoke. BOOMMMMM. The whole family, including you, is roasted like cashew nuts.
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8. Pinging

In a world where internet is next to the air you breadth, pinging has become your greatest distraction. You ping all day long, smiling at your phone at unrhythmic intervals. You have lost your sanity, many people think. Pinging has claimed a number of lives, and if you aren't careful, it can claim your life too. If you want to die, ping whenever you're crossing the highway.
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9. Pepper

Some Nigerians believe that pepper is very good for the eyes (not when it comes in contact with it). They believe that eating pepper makes the eyes see clearer. Whether these beliefs are true or not, too much pepper in your food is very risky and might kill you. Imagine yourself eating pepper soup with goat meat, and then you remember something very funny that has happened in the past. You coughed slightly and then heavily. You wanted to drink water to quench the fire in your throats but it was too late. The flames has got to your heart, eaten it deeply, and you're gone.
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10. This Write Up

This write up can kill you if you take it too seriously. Lol
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Ps: This article is just an exploration of the Sociology of Death and Dying - the society you live in determines how you're very likely going to die. Your death might necessarily not be your own mistake; it could be the mistake of others.

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Ademule David is a student of Human Society. He lives and writes from Lagos, where he goes about carrying his pen in his pockets.
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OP u don high in d spirit

Indian hemp at work...

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hmmnnn... if it can kill, it's no longer funny!

Death is inevitable.... there are unforeseen occurrence! I am just grateful for every each day! There are 1000 ways to die anywhere in d world!

All these things can kill you anywhere.

[i]Shoro Niyen. OP you forgot Ashewo Pussy. The odour fit take you to Fathers and Beyond.[i/]

Just ten for death?There are a million things to keep you alive.
Sharing
Bonding
Loving
Frienship
Family
And simply that sheer will to live.I've heard of a guy that crawled all the way to a hospital after being robbed and shot in a secluded area.

Coughs** clears throat#if they can kill then its no longer funny my own list includes Naira bet,
Nigerian women,boko haram,Nigeria pastors,unemployment Gbaaaam#

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