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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law (25984 Views)
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23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Ibiyomee(f): 4:06pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
Are you married? About to marry? Are you terrified at the mere mention of the name ‘mother-in-law’? Do you feel a few drops of hot urine stream down your panties when you hear your mother-in-law knocking at the door? Well, I grew up in West Africa and I know that some mothers-in-law are actually matters-in-law (but that is not to say that all daughters-in-law are angels). So, how do you become best of friends with the mother of your husband and lover? Let’s roll! As a wife, it is a great fear lurking in your heart, and you wonder: Will my mother-in-law tear us apart? Will she hate me with passion? Or love me like a daughter? What can I do? What will I do? Will he support her and tell me to go to hell? Get a glass of chilled pineapple juice and relax! I can feel your heart thumping already, and yeah, get a handkerchief and wipe off the steamy sweat! The legendary war between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been there from the beginning of time but with wisdom, you will not only survive it, you will be a darling daughter to your mama-in-law. Memorize these tips, girl! 1. Never See Your Mother-In-Law As Your Rival: Actions start from thoughts and you nursing such dangerous ideas will only lead you astray. See her as who she is: your mother-in-law and the mother of your husband, and hopefully, your newest female friend. She is NOT your rival. Some ladies enter marriage with a nuclear arsenal and the mindset of ‘demolishing’ their ‘enemy’. Don’t create problems for yourself. As a woman thinketh in her heart, so she is. 2. Do Not Put Him In A Tight Corner: Some ladies go to the silly extent of giving the guy an ultimatum or asking that nauseating question to choose between you and his mother (like who does that?) If you cannot differentiate between maternal love and spousal love,then you are not ready to become a wife. Your roles are different, distinct AND separate. It is a bad husband who will ask you to choose between him or your own mother. Water and oil are both liquids, but they just don’t mix. Hope you get that, sweetheart? Next! 3. Become A Detective: Huh? I don’t mean you have to take up a job with the FBI or the SSS, but hell yes, get as much information as possible about your mother-in-law. Know her preferences, understand her thinking, comprehend what she likes (especially what will make her laugh no matter how angry she is) and those things that really makes her go gaga with fury. Such CIA job should not be too much for you to do for a woman you will be stuck with for years. I said be a detective and not a spy….lol! Your hubby will surely help you with that. 4. Be Respectful And Courteous: According to the Yorubas, ile oko, ile eko ni. What that means is that marriage is a place to learn (especially manners, etiquette and good behaviour). If you really love and respect your husband in the first place, you will have no problem with this. If you are too pompous, arrogant or downright disrespectful, you may as well stop reading here. In virtually all the societies of the world, respecting your in-laws is very crucial to having a warm relationship with them and stabilizing your own marriage. However, I must mention something very important here: to be respectful does not mean you should become a slave or servant. You are a wife and you must always maintain your dignity. Do not be rude but be firm. A daughter-in-law does not have the same spelling as a housemaid. Hope you get my English? 5. Never Make The Mistake: Of what? Of pointing out a mistake, flaw or error of your mother-in-law in front of your hubby. You are his wife and as a lady, there are much more subtle and cunny ways to draw his attention. Do not criticize your mother-in-law. Ridicule her, you ridicule your lover, and of course, the granny of your kids. According to Shimon Peres, the Israeli President, there are two things in life that you cannot achieve without closing a bit of your eyes: peace and love. Let me rephrase that: the personal lifestyle of your MIL is not your business. 6. Do Not Be Too Forward: Inasmuch as you are to be proactive when relating with your mother-in-law, do not try too hard to impress. Do not go to her place everyday (familiarity breeds contempt) but see her on special occasions or when she requests to see your lovely face (with or without your husband and kids). According to one of the 48 Laws of Power, scarcity will always create value. If you don’t believe that, why are diamonds much more valued than stones and rocks? You will come out as fake and you may even be suspected of having a hidden agenda if you are always trying too hard. Remember how that girlfriend of yours irritates you with her fake life? Be yourself, be natural and genuine. She will appreciate that. 7. Let Her Know You Love Him: Yes, forget the superficial jealousy, a mother-in-law will love you to pieces when she knows that her son is in safe hands. But, that has to be done with maturity. Every mother wants a good wife for her son but their maternal instincts makes it difficult for them to just let go. Blame the hormones. Prove to her (by your actions) that you are caring enough and you will over-ride her instincts. 8. Appreciate Her Gestures Of Kindness: Not all mother-in-laws are devils. Some are really really very nice and will love you immensely even before they meet you. Appreciate them and not take them for granted. 9. Discuss With Him: In a case where your duties as a wife are being encroached by an overbearing mother-in-law who will dictate what he eats or what he wears, register your displeasure with him (but relate well with her). A loving husband will come back to his senses, and a sensible hubby will not even allow such a scenario in the first place. 10. Place Yourself In Her Shoes: Know that it hurts her and is a patch of mixed feelings. Yes, he is your husband but it’s still her son, even though she now knows that another lady (YOU!) will now get all the attention and devotion that she has received UNCHALLENGED for decades. She will subconsciously see you as a coup-plotter ovethrowing her ‘government’, and displacing her from power. Once you understand this, you should be smart enough to sympathize with her by reacting with wisdom. In short, do not take everything personal. 11. Detach Yourself When It Gets Too Hot: If she is still determined to give you a tough time and make life hell for you, detach yourself emotionally and discuss with your husband. Just know that some mother-in-laws are incorrigible and can never be satisfied. Do not kill yourself over that. Maintain your distance but never disrespect her or worsen the condition. At this point, your hubby will do the rest of the healing. 12. Gauge Yourself: Are you wicked yourself? Yes, you. Stop rolling your eyes…lol! Is there anything evil or indecent about you that is always pissing off your mother-in-law? For the sake of your marriage and peace in your home, assess yourself and make sure that there is no fault from your own side. 13. Draw The Lines: You married her son, and not her. Let her know when she is crossing the boundaries. Do this compassionately and very subtly. Get clues from your spouse. In the African setting, many mother-in-laws find it very easy to intimidate wives who do not seem firm or do not even know the basic responsibilities of a wife. But remember, in asserting your rights as a wife, do it with the tact and skills of a diplomat. Don’t get him irritated. 14. Sync Her Up With Your Own Mother: Mothers-in-law suffer from the same ‘son absence syndrome’ and always understand themselves better. Also, being of the same generation, age and mentality, your MIL is more likely to get along better with your mother than you, a ‘flashy’ babe of the 21st century. Let your mother handle that aspect. A good relationship between the two women will only tip the table in your favour, okay? Good. 15. Communicate With Her: Did your heart just skip a beat?! I hear some of the ladies saying ‘Over my dead body! I can’t have anything to do with my mother-in-law’. Remember, loving the honey and hating the bees is not only hypocritical, it does not make sense. Choose your time very well, when she is in high spirits and have a deep, mother-daughter discussion with her. Do not avoid your MIL. You will only succeed in making yourself more of a stranger (which was your status before). 16. Be kind and compassionate: Especially if she is of frail health. You’ve got a mother too and one day, you will also become a mother-in-law. Remember the Golden Rule, and yeah, the Law of Karma. 17. Chill: Most of the time, mothers-in-law do not have any evil behind even the most mischievous of their actions. They are only a bit insecure thinking that no person is good enough for their child, or a woman has come to spoil the existing mother-son relationship. Such a reaction is perfectly normal and natural. Do not give yourself sleepless nights over that. Studies have show that most of the time, they mean no harm. 18. let him take up responsibility: Make sure your husband performs his roles and fulfills his responsibilities as a child to parents. Apart from the fact that you will be laying a very good foundation for your own kids, no one will accuse you of being a callous wife who made him turn his back on his siblings and parents. Be very firm and insistent on this. That he is madly in love with you does not mean he should forget his source. Remind him if he drifts off, it will be to your benefit. 19. Do Not Let Your Ego Get In The Way: Do not think twice before apologizing and making amends if you have offended her. But do not degrade yourself for something you’ve never done. Do not allow anyone to blackmail you into submission or surrender. Funnily enough, she may find it difficult to apologize to you because of many reasons. Do not take that to heart. It is the pride of a mother-in-law. 20. Avoid Arguments With Her: Oh, you prefer to cook meat by boiling it and she prefers steaks? Do not drag the issue needlessly. Calmly agree. Remember arguments with even your own Mom do not always come out nicely. It is better to lose an argument to your mother-in-law than for you to lose your mother-in-law to an argument. Use your head and keep your debating skills for your girlfriends (especially if you are a lawyer…lmao!) 21. Always See The Good Side Of Your MIL: Positivity helps. Avoid being judgmental. You cannot form that bond of love if you are always judging her. 22. Let Her Mingle With Her Grandchildren Freely. Studies have shown that mother-in-laws actually see your own kids as 100% theirs! If she wants to pamper them to high heavens and take them out and have them to herself all day long at the beach, just let them go. You will even have the whole house to yourself and your husband! And what can be better than that? #winks! 23. Pray, pray and PRAY! For those who think MILs are overbearing, you need to realize that she actually made him who he is. She fed him, suffered for him, was hurt because of him, kept him safe and warm, watched him grow…all these understandably makes her possessive (she has the right to), and that is normal (are you not jealously possessive of your hubby even without all these, yes, you now gerrit). She may also be afraid or insecure that she will grow old and the son she has laboured for all her life will forget and abandon her. As a daughter-in-law, ease all these fears, see things through her lenses and you become best of friends! Remember that even the strongest of marriages can be destroyed with inlaw troubles. Be smart, diplomatic and calm in all your dealings. A friendly disposition will go a long way to helping you and making friends out of your enemies. At times, you may need to work very hard to make it work but do not give up because it is worth it. http://www.informationng.com/2015/06/23-ways-to-win-over-your-mother-in-law-2.html 36 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Precious91(m): 4:12pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
ok 1 Like |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by freecocoa(f): 4:12pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
All these just to be accepted? Story. Whatever happened to being one's self, Abegi. 16 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Nobody: 4:19pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
If she no like me, me seff no like am Oju aiye is allowed wen her son is around, I can't shout 13 Likes 1 Share |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Chidoks(f): 4:25pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
sweet.very very good.some may see it tasking but i see it as a price to pay ib order to enjoy a strain free marriage.no man will love you to the moon and back if you are at logger head with his mum.as for me most times i ignore her wrong deeds afterall my mum could also be overbearing and i have not killed her.most times when i sense the mil is not happy with me i call her on phone and give a good laugh.the moment i say " hello mama" i will just mention the thing and start laughing.she will call my name and tell me thst i am cunny.i will explain myself and case closed but your number 9 point i never try o .men are funny .he may not talk but nay think you want to paint her black.me i just bear her Bleep ups afterall we dont live together so whats the fuss. sha i feel for women that live with theirMIL 11 Likes |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by nairamaverick(m): 4:29pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
Bae, where art thou? Come and read 1 Like |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Miami11: 4:53pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
A mother in law will like you if she wants to. You can do this all and she still hates you 9 Likes |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by b3llo(m): 5:20pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
Even if you are faithful and adherent to the points made by the Op, If you MIL doesn't like you she doesn't like you. One has to be very careful, respectful and tolerant when dealing with them. Distance is the solution to overbearing MIL. 8 Likes |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by yorubadelta(f): 5:51pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
b3llo: Do ladies still care whether MIL likes them or not? any MIL that constantly seeks to be 'appeased' is selfish and should go have several seats abeg. She's had her own time in her husband's house and therefore should leave the DIL to enjoy her own husband. 12 Likes |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by wildchild1: 6:26pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
Too long,somebody please summarize |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by tohpahz(f): 6:27pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
WHY do i need to win her.. Is she lotto,Chelsea match or what?? Anyway same old b/s I don't need to do all those.. Can't force mama in law to like mi.. if she wants to,it's her choice.. 9 Likes |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Flashh: 6:27pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
freecocoa: It's not necessary you possess all. Just have a good attitude! 3 Likes |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Tomjazzy2: 6:27pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
The best way to win your Mother-in-law over is: "try not to loose her in the first place" The cost of maintenance is incomparable to the cost of rehabilitation... Works like charm 1 Like |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by danielblessing(m): 6:28pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
k I will try to tell my neighbour o one by one. But for those who need a website, feel free to contact me at me website below. |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Nobody: 6:28pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
GIVE HER A SON..... Dazall 1 Like |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by DahtzFestjayz: 6:28pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Nobody: 6:28pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
tohpahz: |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Nobody: 6:28pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
I will not comment because this thread is meant for the ladies....... Any news about the Daura President? |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by heed101(m): 6:28pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
only if i know what to do with this space because i dont have the strenght to read, anyways happy weekend to all nairalanders. Wishing us all a blissful weekend. thank you. |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Phelixdegreat(m): 6:29pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
Never stay too close to your in-laws. it commands respect 9 Likes |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Nobody: 6:29pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
Club her twice "accidentally" with omorogun then you'll win her automatically. |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by innocentii: 6:29pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
I will read when I finally decide to marry. as for now, my 9.2 inch dkk is aving fun with varieties of keptus 1 Like |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Sunofgod(m): 6:29pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
Make her a 'Senator' . . |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by tohpahz(f): 6:29pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Brytawon(m): 6:30pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
Do I need a 23-list before I can win my mother-in-law? |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Moneyyy: 6:30pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
. |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by sagitarius(m): 6:31pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
This is serious |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by Burger01(m): 6:33pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
Op, forget points and stories, you can't please some mother-in-laws 5 Likes |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by ENDTIMES: 6:35pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
Is she a trophy? Once the marriage is done na she go struggle to win me. 1 Like |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by ib4real95(m): 6:36pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
tohpahz:Chai.. *Places hands on head* You are a real wife material! 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by cupidhero(m): 6:37pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
tohpahz:If only you knew the kind of love and respect men have for their moms you would not be saying this.....if you only knew. 5 Likes |
Re: 23 Ways To Win Over Your Mother-in-law by omisakint: 6:39pm On Jul 10, 2015 |
Why not just killlll her?? Smh 1 Like |
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