A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her
family when her daughter walks in. “Mother,
where do babies come from?” The mother thinks
for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy
and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night
they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and
have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the
mother continues, “That means the daddy puts
his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you
get a baby, honey.” The child seems to
comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when
I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in
your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
…………………
A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies,
then their babies became adults and made
babies, and so on." The child then went to his
mother, asked her the same question and she told
him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to
become like we are now." The child ran back to
his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father
replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side
of the family."
………………………
There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and
he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the
captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The
preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A
little later, another boat came by and a fisherman
asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher
replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually
the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The
preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?"
God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!"