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A lion and lioness are sitting in their den, when a monkey climbs up a nearby tree and starts insulting the mighty lion.
The lioness starts to get angry and says,
LIONESS:”King of the jungle, how dare you allow this puny monkey to insult you? You must punish him.”
LION:”You are right, but you know what? I am king of the jungle and I must not lower myself to his level. Let’s ignore it.”
The lioness, astonished, sat in silence. Yet the monkey kept on. After sometime, the lioness loses her patience.
LIONESS:”I cannot allow this any longer. I’m going to teach that monkey a lesson.”
So the lioness chases after the monkey. After a long chase she finds herself out of the jungle and at a construction site. She sees the monkey going through a narrow pipe and leaps in after him. The pipe apparently was not large enough, and the lioness gets stuck.
Seeing that the lioness is stuck, the monkey walks around behind her.
MONKEY:”Who’s a bad girl? Who’s a bad girl?!!” he yells as he spanks her butt over and over and over. The monkey continues for a few minutes and then finally leaves with a big smile on his face.
After an hour long struggle, the lioness finally frees herself from the pipe. Injured, and completely embarrassed, she returns home to the jungle and to her king.
LION: “So how did the hunt go?” (curiously asked)
The lioness couldn’t even look at him.
LION:”Aaahhh, he took you to the construction site didn’t he?”
WHO DO YOU THINK IS SMARTER, THE LION OR THE MONKEY?

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Emeka and Akpors lived close to each other. One day Emeka started an argument and the following is what transpired between them.
Emeka: You be fool, you no sabi anything.
Akpors: Ahhh…haba guy, you harsh oo.
Emeka: Na so. I fit prove am sef. If na night and you see two light for road, na wetin be dat?
Akpors: Na motor be that na!
Emeka: Ehen, but which kind? Mercedes Benz, Peugeot or Lexus?
Akpors: I no come know dat one,oh!
Emeka: You see am? Anyway, second proof. Na night, you see one light for road. Na wetin be dat?
Akpors: Na okada!
Emeka: Ehen, which one? Suzuki, Yamaha or Kawasaki?
Akpors: Ahh….how I suppose to know?
Emeka: You see am? I don show you say you be fool.
Akpors: Na wa 4 you o. This your question sef. Oya make I ask you my own now. If na night you see woman for roadside….miniskirt, big frontside, red lips, big backside,na wetin?
Emeka: Na ashawo!
Akpors: Ehen, but which one? Your mama, your sister or your daughter?
Guess where Akpors found himself?

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A man and his wife were in court for divorce. The problem was who gets custody for the child!
The wife Jumps up and says; your honour i brought the child into this world in pains and labour, he should be in my custody.
The Judge turns to Husband,
Husband: (calmly)”Your honor, if i put my ATM card into ATM machine and Cash comes out. Whose cash is it?
WHO SHOULD KEEP THE CHILD IN THIS CASE?

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GIRLFRIEND: Good morning sweetheart.
BOYFRIEND: Good morning darling. (sending failed)
GIRLFRIEND: Why don’t you want to reply my message, don’t you have my time?
BOYFRIEND: I have tried to reply but the network is poor! (sending failed)
GIRLFRIEND: If you don’t love me; ignore my message, if you really love me, reply me.
BOYFRIEND: I Love You. (sending failed)
GIRLFRIEND: Do you love me
BOYFRIEND: I Love You Baby. (sending failed)
GIRLFRIEND: Never speak to me again!
BOYFRIEND: I Love You Sweetie (sending failed).
GIRLFRIEND: Do you want to end our relationship?
BOYFRIEND: I’m fed up of this shit!!! (message sent).
WHAT KIND OF PROBLEM IS THIS?

.......

One day, Akpors was in class when the teacher walked in. After teaching for sometime, the teacher decided to make the class an interactive one. Here’s what ensued:
Teacher: Who is a pharmacist?
Only Akpors raised up his hand.
Teacher: So it’s only Akpors that is the most intelligent student I have in this class?
Still there was nobody else to answer the question except Akpors.
Teacher: Ok now Akpors, use this cane and flog them ten strokes of cane each!
Akpors filled with happiness, gave all the students ten hot strokes of cane….
Teacher: oya my dear Akpors, tell these dumb students who a pharmacist is…
Akpors: A pharmacist is a farmer who assist people.
The teacher fainted!!
ONE WORD FOR AKPORS?


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The first joke was funny