Few days after I received a call from one lady while I was
having my hair washed at a saloon. She told me my friend
spoke to her about me and she requested we meet at a named
3 star hotel immediately or lose
the ‘big opportunity’ for a job. With my hair still dripping wet, I dashed home and changed into something decent. As soon as I got there, someone directed me
to the hotel’s garden. Seated there were 3 guys and a lady. All
of them wore a yellow t-shirt
and they were fiddling with a laptop.
Oh, so I’m going to be
registering SIM cards for MTN, I thought.
The first question she asked was if I am a computer literate. “Yes” I quickly responded. “Great! I’m actually a HR officer.
My client will conduct the interview herself but I had to meet you first to be sure I’m
recommending the right person..”
“I am the right person ma” I
affirmed. “Are you born again??” She
asked.
That question knocked me off my feet.
Judging from that, It was obvious I was going to be an accountant for Deeper Life Church.
“Yes..I’m born again ma.” I replied trying not to mince words.
“Beautiful!!” She exclaimed. “Your interview is going to be at No bla bla bla by 9am on
Saturday…its a new plaza in town. I don’t need to go into the
details of the job but I’m positive you’re going to love it.
Send your CV to bla bla bla mail. Also make copies of all your credentials and take it along and pleases do something
about that hair before Saturday. First impression matters you know.” she added. End of first interview. I heaved a
sigh of relief and left the hotel. Friday morning, sickness struck. Headache, fever remixed with
cold and catarrh. I contemplated between using
the little money I had to make my hair or using the money to
buy drugs and LIVE.
“Make your hair, get the job and use your salary to buy a
pharmacy.” The devil
commanded. If I pass the interview, the
sickness might disappear out of
excitement, I thought.
The next morning, I was on my way to the interview with the
most painful Ghana braids on my hair. My bad health was not
helping matters. To be honest, the malaria had me looking like a fairly used chicken.
I also went with a Ghana must go bag of all my certificates
(except my death certificate) only to realise it was a small
ugly, stuffy bookshop without a standing/ceiling fan to cool down my temper. My temper at that point was
capable of boiling yam for a family of 3.
If I had my way, I would have tattooed the meaning of plaza
on the HR forehead. Smh My potential employer had not
arrived yet so I used the opportunity to peruse the books on a dusty shelf. A couple of Joyce Meyer books,
books on wildlife, one Daily Manna devotional, Igbo men
success stories books, history books, a couple of encyclopedia, and some other random boring looking books.
By 9:30, Madam CEO arrived and the interview process
commenced. She fired me a number of JAMB
questions like she was sent to hire me as an accountant for
Aso Rock. As God would have it, I
impressed her.
Then she began her speech… “This plastic chair you are sitting
on is going to be your office. You are to report from Monday
to Saturday and your job runs from 8am to 5pm.”
Before I could utter, what time will I use to search for a husband then?
She cut me and continued her cool story. “You are the customer care
representative, office assistant, and marketer of this place.” Upon hearing that, I had to peep at the wall mirror to check
whether I have three heads. Does this woman think my head is 3 in one or what? She went on… “You would also assist Lilian, the sales girl in drawing accounts.
Every Wednesday is marketing days. You are to take some of
the books to churches, banks and offices to sell them. These
are nice books so its going to be easy for you. That should
enable you network.”
Wonderful! With this sort of job, my salary should be such that I
would be able to ride a Buggati to my village in 6 months time. She was not done with me…
As a customer care rep, you have to try to read all the books
in this shop. People will call to request information about one book or the other that’s why.” My head harddrive had crashed
upon hearing that. Are you kidding me? Woman, I don’t even read sign board
these days! I didn’t want to hear more.
“How much is my salary?” I deadpanned
She paced around for a few seconds before dropping the bombshell.
“Salary is N10,000!”
The last time I checked, Nigeria
abolished slavery.
I broke into laughter. A laughter
of misery and frustration. To add insult to the injury, she began to yak on how there are no jobs in Nigeria. In her words “I better accept the offer. People
will kill to have this job.” Even if I were silly enough to
take the shitty job, my
transportation to and fro the bookshop was roughly N6000 a
month. Tithe is 1k. Basically, I’ll go home with 3K every month
at my age, stage and
relationship status? Waste of Ghana braids! I just wanted to loosen my braids there in her office and
force her to swallow the attachment.
“Thank you madam for your offer!” I muttered. If I had spent an extra minute in there, I would have probably be tumbling down the book shelves. I packed what was left of my dignity and sicknesses and hurried out of her book kiosk.
Credits: www.naijaloaded.ng
Dedicated to: naijasinglegirl

I smiled, Would have given you that 10k if you were here for that. Thank you for the free service anyway

Lol.... That is why as a job seeker after packaging ur documents when going for an interview u are advised to have ur juju ring always handy. So in case u get to the venue and u discover they are gnld or other time wasters like this one, u just beat the damn woman with ur juju ring except she gives u back ur transportation fare to and fro. Angama ko!

I have read this piece before. Op you didn't credit the writer!

Lol
Hilariously hilarious my sister.
Naija job search status go finish person ooo.

I hereby sue u for piracy. this write up belongs to naija single girl!

Guy e b like say u don suffer for gnld hand o

ajasa4link:
Lol.... That is why as a job seeker after packaging ur documents when going for an interview u are advised to have ur juju ring always handy. So in case u get to the venue and u discover they are gnld or other time wasters like this one, u just beat the damn woman with ur juju ring except she gives u back ur transportation fare to and fro. Angama ko!

hahahahaha... just so random...

onismate I've found your partner in poetic crime

ajasa4link:
Lol.... That is why as a job seeker after packaging ur documents when going for an interview u are advised to have ur juju ring always handy. So in case u get to the venue and u discover they are gnld or other time wasters like this one, u just beat the damn woman with ur juju ring except she gives u back ur transportation fare to and fro. Angama ko!

Lol.... I love this

Please for Christ sake, are nigerian story writers moving forward or backward. What kind of non sense write up is this? It's not just different from those tade ogidan movie era,(1968)

Before reading 5 lines of the page, I know exactly where you're driving to and lots of fake attachment that can never happen in reality.

Anytime I c nigeria movies, I feels like selling the TV to aboki for #100.



Seriously, we need to b creative in our story writing

benedima1990:
Please for Christ sake, are nigerian story writers moving forward or backward. What kind of non sense write up is this? It's not just different from those tade ogidan movie era,(1968)

Before reading 5 lines of the page, I know exactly where you're driving to and lots of fake attachment that can never happen in reality.

Anytime I c nigeria movies, I feels like selling the TV to aboki for #100.



Seriously, we need to b creative in our story writing

dude, calm down, whats is wrong with you man? how in any way is this a Nigerian movie, why not just get this kill joy attitude outta here, people want to see stuffs like this and just laugh nothing more, bro, com'on

laughed so hard dat my neighbors had to knock on my door if all was well... op, u just made my day...lol

benedima1990:
Please for Christ sake, are nigerian story writers moving forward or backward. What kind of non sense write up is this? It's not just different from those tade ogidan movie era,(1968)

Before reading 5 lines of the page, I know exactly where you're driving to and lots of fake attachment that can never happen in reality.

Anytime I c nigeria movies, I feels like selling the TV to aboki for #100.



Seriously, we need to b creative in our story writing

Which 1 have yu written? Sad frog!

Greyworld:

Which 1 have yu written? Sad frog!

Your case no b here oooo

I fink you need rope

Totally Hilarious!!!

benedima1990:
Please for Christ sake, are nigerian story writers moving forward or backward. What kind of non sense write up is this? It's not just different from those tade ogidan movie era,(1968)

Before reading 5 lines of the page, I know exactly where you're driving to and lots of fake attachment that can never happen in reality.

Anytime I c nigeria movies, I feels like selling the TV to aboki for #100.



Seriously, we need to b creative in our story writing

You sound ret.arded.

benedima1990:
Please for Christ sake, are nigerian story writers moving forward or backward. What kind of non sense write up is this? It's not just different from those tade ogidan movie era,(1968)

Before reading 5 lines of the page, I know exactly where you're driving to and lots of fake attachment that can never happen in reality.

Anytime I c nigeria movies, I feels like selling the TV to aboki for #100.



Seriously, we need to b creative in our story writing

pls just try to be mature when next you are opportuned to comment on a forum.

Can't help laughing. Even the comments got me laughing. Atleast d write up reduced my stress level. Either it was copied or a 1968 movie I don't care it's aim was acheived. Thanks for lightening up ma nite.

sholay2011:

You sound ret.arded.

It's only retarded individual that knows their type. So I don't blame you

swagdopey:



pls just try to be mature when next you are opportuned to comment on a forum.

I fink everyone has the right to his/her own opinion, so you don't need to lecture me.

Try to access yourself if you're better

benedima1990:


I fink everyone has the right to his/her own opinion, so you don't need to lecture me.

Try to access yourself if you're better

sörry for d lecture. Thankz for the advice

swagdopey:



sörry for d lecture. Thankz for the advice

Cool

Early this year or last year sha !! Seriously naijasinglegirl never post again ! Have read this before now ...so where are u

benedima1990:
Please for Christ sake, are nigerian story writers moving forward or backward. What kind of non sense write up is this? It's not just different from those tade ogidan movie era,(1968)

Before reading 5 lines of the page, I know exactly where you're driving to and lots of fake attachment that can never happen in reality.

Anytime I c nigeria movies, I feels like selling the TV to aboki for #100.



Seriously, we need to b creative in our story writing

Y post yours nah ...y criticising ,y won't u people gat satisfy

benedima1990:
Please for Christ sake, are nigerian story writers moving forward or backward. What kind of non sense write up is this? It's not just different from those tade ogidan movie era,(1968)

Before reading 5 lines of the page, I know exactly where you're driving to and lots of fake attachment that can never happen in reality.

Anytime I c nigeria movies, I feels like selling the TV to aboki for #100.



Seriously, we need to b creative in our story writing

It's at times like this I wish Nairaland had a thumb down icon.

To be honest this naijasinglewhatever has become stale,she needs to get innovative.

Lol

fabiano09:
To be honest this naijasinglewhatever has become stale,she needs to get innovative.

Tot I was the only one having that notion

Nairalanders don wan kill me with quote of abuses

Sabrwahaqqo:
I smiled, Would have given you that 10k if you were here for that.
Thank you for the free service anyway

hmm, I can collect the 10k on the Op's behalf.

kendraloops:


hmm, I can collect the 10k on the Op's behalf.

Ehyah, only if u had said this some 30mins earlier, I don dash dah tipping to a stripper that was zipping my zipper.... But Can u wait till August 19, 2016? So that I can prepare that insyd my August 2016 budget?

Pheals:
Early this year or last year sha !! Seriously naijasinglegirl never post again ! Have read this before now ...so where are u

SMH. See how they stole my story. Thanks love

nice...

<a href="http://www.gbextra.com.ng">kindly check for more</a>

http://www.gbextra.com.ng

0luwatope:
Few days after I received a call from one lady while I was
having my hair washed at a saloon. She told me my friend
spoke to her about me and she requested we meet at a named
3 star hotel immediately or lose
the ‘big opportunity’ for a job. With my hair still dripping wet, I dashed home and changed into something decent. As soon as I got there, someone directed me
to the hotel’s garden. Seated there were 3 guys and a lady. All
of them wore a yellow t-shirt
and they were fiddling with a laptop.
Oh, so I’m going to be
registering SIM cards for MTN, I thought.
The first question she asked was if I am a computer literate. “Yes” I quickly responded. “Great! I’m actually a HR officer.
My client will conduct the interview herself but I had to meet you first to be sure I’m
recommending the right person..”
“I am the right person ma” I
affirmed. “Are you born again??” She
asked.
That question knocked me off my feet.
Judging from that, It was obvious I was going to be an accountant for Deeper Life Church.
“Yes..I’m born again ma.” I replied trying not to mince words.
“Beautiful!!” She exclaimed. “Your interview is going to be at No bla bla bla by 9am on
Saturday…its a new plaza in town. I don’t need to go into the
details of the job but I’m positive you’re going to love it.
Send your CV to bla bla bla mail. Also make copies of all your credentials and take it along and pleases do something
about that hair before Saturday. First impression matters you know.” she added. End of first interview. I heaved a
sigh of relief and left the hotel. Friday morning, sickness struck. Headache, fever remixed with
cold and catarrh. I contemplated between using
the little money I had to make my hair or using the money to
buy drugs and LIVE.
“Make your hair, get the job and use your salary to buy a
pharmacy.” The devil
commanded. If I pass the interview, the
sickness might disappear out of
excitement, I thought.
The next morning, I was on my way to the interview with the
most painful Ghana braids on my hair. My bad health was not
helping matters. To be honest, the malaria had me looking like a fairly used chicken.
I also went with a Ghana must go bag of all my certificates
(except my death certificate) only to realise it was a small
ugly, stuffy bookshop without a standing/ceiling fan to cool down my temper. My temper at that point was
capable of boiling yam for a family of 3.
If I had my way, I would have tattooed the meaning of plaza
on the HR forehead. Smh My potential employer had not
arrived yet so I used the opportunity to peruse the books on a dusty shelf. A couple of Joyce Meyer books,
books on wildlife, one Daily Manna devotional, Igbo men
success stories books, history books, a couple of encyclopedia, and some other random boring looking books.
By 9:30, Madam CEO arrived and the interview process
commenced. She fired me a number of JAMB
questions like she was sent to hire me as an accountant for
Aso Rock. As God would have it, I
impressed her.
Then she began her speech… “This plastic chair you are sitting
on is going to be your office. You are to report from Monday
to Saturday and your job runs from 8am to 5pm.”
Before I could utter, what time will I use to search for a husband then?
She cut me and continued her cool story. “You are the customer care
representative, office assistant, and marketer of this place.” Upon hearing that, I had to peep at the wall mirror to check
whether I have three heads. Does this woman think my head is 3 in one or what? She went on… “You would also assist Lilian, the sales girl in drawing accounts.
Every Wednesday is marketing days. You are to take some of
the books to churches, banks and offices to sell them. These
are nice books so its going to be easy for you. That should
enable you network.”
Wonderful! With this sort of job, my salary should be such that I
would be able to ride a Buggati to my village in 6 months time. She was not done with me…
As a customer care rep, you have to try to read all the books
in this shop. People will call to request information about one book or the other that’s why.” My head harddrive had crashed
upon hearing that. Are you kidding me? Woman, I don’t even read sign board
these days! I didn’t want to hear more.
“How much is my salary?” I deadpanned
She paced around for a few seconds before dropping the bombshell.
“Salary is N10,000!”
The last time I checked, Nigeria
abolished slavery.
I broke into laughter. A laughter
of misery and frustration. To add insult to the injury, she began to yak on how there are no jobs in Nigeria. In her words “I better accept the offer. People
will kill to have this job.” Even if I were silly enough to
take the shitty job, my
transportation to and fro the bookshop was roughly N6000 a
month. Tithe is 1k. Basically, I’ll go home with 3K every month
at my age, stage and
relationship status? Waste of Ghana braids! I just wanted to loosen my braids there in her office and
force her to swallow the attachment.
“Thank you madam for your offer!” I muttered. If I had spent an extra minute in there, I would have probably be tumbling down the book shelves. I packed what was left of my dignity and sicknesses and hurried out of her book kiosk.
Credits: www.naijaloaded.ng
Dedicated to: naijasinglegirl