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How To be a 'Stake Holder' in FUTO


In case you haven't come across the word 'stakeholder' in your life or you really don't know what it means, let me enlighten you.

A stakeholder is any one you can't win election without their "blessing". Basically every student is supposed to be a stakeholder in SUG elections for example but it will be unfair for, say 300level and 200level students to share that 'almighty' title with final year students.
Hence if you're a final year student, you are almost a stakeholder. If you are not sure you are, here's how to be one:

i. You must have contested for a political office in any of your previous academic levels: It doesn't matter whether you won or lost. Even if you contested for the post of course rep in your first year and lost, you are still pretty much a stakeholder.

ii. You must not show you are broke.( even if you are): This is an important one. The harsh truth is not everyone is rich. Some are less than rich while others are more than broke. Don't worry if you haven't eaten in days or if you are squatting with a friend, don't make it obvious. It is bad on your reputation as a stakeholder. Make sure you are always seen alone in your room. If it means sending your roommate away for some time, do it(if you can). This gives the impression that you can afford to live by yourself.

iii. Your phone must always be available: Being a stakeholder is perhaps the greatest privilege in all the earth. As one, no political aspirant can win an election without adequately 'seeing you', it doesn't matter if you are relevant to his cause. So you see, your phone should always be available so you can direct the boys to your house.
After all it would be denigrating to hear one of those boys say the wanted to come around and 'see you' but your phone wasn't available.

iv. You must not buy airtime by yourself, for yourself: in case I forgot to mention earlier, a stakeholder is the equivalent of a god in school politics. People who go to consult gods don't go empty handed. So you see, as a stakeholder, you don't need to buy airtime yourself. All you need is be on the lookout for an aspirant or two. You are a stakeholder so you will know one when you see them. Don't even worry if you are irrelevant to his aspirations. Just call him and make sure you put 'young man' before all your admonitions. Say things like:

'young man do you know me?'
'young man what are you running for?'
'young man where are you running at, umuagwo or nekede?'
'young man have you come to 'see' me?'
'young man, you are not loyal!'

Your ability to properly use 'young man' gives an air of authority. In the end, just give him your phone without a word. He knows what you mean to tell him. Action speaks louder than words remember.

On the other hand you can decide to call the aspirants yourself. Do not, I repeat do not be reasonable in all your demands. It doesn't look good on you as a stakeholder. When you call him, be commanding.
Don't forget to add 'young man' here too:

'young man, send me a 750 mtn recharge card now!'
It is not your business if he has eaten or not. He wants to win an election and nothing good comes easy, even bad ones. If he is 'loyal' he will send something across. So you see, there's no point recharging your phone yourself when someone can do it for you.

v. Have a dislike for certain kinds of wine: This is important. Wines come in different makes and prices. As a stakeholder, not every type of wine is good for you. Even if you can't afford it, the aspirants can. So when they come to 'see' you bearing those types of wine you have tasted before, send them back! You need to taste new wines, the kind you cannot even afford. Usually a beggar doesn not have a choice but you're not a beggar, you're a stakeholder.

vi. You must know how to brag: Truth be told, stakeholder-ship is all about bragging rights. If you don't agree with me, then tell me why a young man who left school years ago will be telling a younger mate who is still in school that 'he was a stakeholder way back in school'? So you see , once a stakeholder,....(you know the rest). Don't try to be reasonable. Reasonableness come to stakeholders by default so you don't need to listen to yourself when you speak.
Let me conclude this how-to guide by saying that if you feel uncomfortable by this post, chances are, you are a typical stakeholder.

Culled from the original author's facebook
page

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=467425940083706&id=100004489110012&refid=17&_ft_=top_level_post_id.1030748510277531&__tn__=%2As

okayyyyy

But Futo na frustration...I swear

young man, u are not loyal

dangote7510:
young man, u are not loyal

this was one of the replies he got on his wall

INTROVERT:
okayyyyy

we know introvert as a front page model . But guess what...

...you didn't read it

aboyaji:
this was one of the replies he got on his wall

dats wot my lodge guy who's a stakeholder usually tell me,
on de oda news, dat awkward moment wen a lady "Lidasoft" won D.O.S, anyway, de say wot a man can do, a woman can dot it even beta, am just watching ooo.

Lalasticlala
Ishilove