after reading through all the comments here, I guess the OP must be more confused than before as to which direction to follow.
my many yrs in NL I have noticed that whenever marital issues are being discussed here, if the wife is the victim majority here would be telling her to divorce him and look for better man, but if the husband is the victim, the same people would be proffering forgiveness advice.

@OP - I feel your pain, but I will have to tell you this no matter how bitter is sounds. there are chances your wife has been faking all those good qualities you attributed to her, there are as well chances that AGE was/is not the only prevarication she is living with in your house. any woman who could lie her way to marriage can not possibly, naturally possess those good qualities of a wife material! she can only act/pretend/behave them to make sure she keeps her cards close to her chest.

I don't blame you for having such a strong affection for your wife, most of us (men) are just but victims of love-game, the only game that women play champions. trust me, you are not on this lane alone, most of us are conned into marriage via fake pregnancy, fake virginity, fake character, fake beauty, fake family background, fake identity, fake pastor's prophesy, etc, etc.

I, personally have respect/admiration for family values and I do not support divorce, but at this juncture you have to be strong and take a bold step. 4yrs is still early for you to do something to save the remaining yrs of your life. you made it clear that you dont want adoption, so the only alternative for you now is to have a child/children with another woman. its up to you how you do it, either with a concubine, second wife, side-chick, secret marriage, etc. or better still be strong and divorce the old liar and get yourself a decent lady, there are millions of them out there.

4yrs ago you made a terrible mistake that you are regretting now,,,,, you can never solve a problem with the same mentality that created it...
stop waiting for a 47 yrs old liar to get pregnant miraculously ,,,, tell the pastor to mind his own marriage ! (most of them (pastors) cant even run their own marriage, some are divorcing to remarry at any slight provocation, some sleep with people's wives, so to hell with what pastor said)

enough said!!! I believe you have a family (parents, siblings, etc) discuss this issue with them and follow whatever conclusive suggestion there be.

finally, my 21-gun-salute for your wife, na real Maradona she be even Pius Ikedia never deduct 8yrs from his age
in WAP TV's peoples court she could be sentenced to life imprisonment

Does age really matter in a relationship..,Hell no, i got a date who is 7yrs older than me...we love each other, despite the age, m not even bothered bcuz i dnt blv in menopause, cuz my God is a miracle worker...Age is crap when love is true....so if you knw you luv her,forgive her,help her, everyone has told a lie,u ur self have also done worst things in secret to her ,if you really check ur self you will knw am saying the truth...so bro support her..do all you can to see if she can be reproductive...seek the lord always, remember that the family that prays together stays together...the lord is your strenght. Visit http://www.facebook.com/pages/TEAMQUOTERCHUKS/266375140213118 on facebook..to get more qoutes on life it self

I feel your pain having considered that at 31 she was 38 when you both got married.

Bro, never the less,give peace a chance.

Find your passion again and make sweet love to her without thinking of reproduction because the anxiety will not yield good fruits.

Start from the genuiness of your love and grow this once happy marriage again.

Ultimately, please forgive and love her again .it could be painful but please...

Give love a chance!!!

Put yourselves in the woman's scenario. She is 43 years old, and still single. Most women would lie 100 times if they have to just to get married. Meanwhile, i was thinking facial look on a person can tell where their age falls in. Is it possible the OP didn't look closely enough or was it love is blind? Or maybe she has a baby or young face that doesn't really show her real age.

As for advise, i don't have any. But i believe in love. If you love her, then you must also believe in miracle. wHY? because God is Love.

Best of luck

superfour:


Please forgive her, we are all guilty of one thing or the order. Cast it away from your mind. Then trust
God for Children, with God all things are possible. He can compensate your family if you forgive and forget
and give triplet or more. Stop consulting a fertility specialist. Believe your Pastor. God is still in the business
of miracles. There is reason for everything...

I am not doubting that God is alive.

But, 1st of all, do your own part as human and den leave the rest to God.



I know God is a miracle working God, but don't sit on a keg of gun powder and expect God to come and redeem u.

Heaven helps those who helps themselves.




I don't know why people religion has made so many of us lazy and stupid,u see what is not feasible physically and u re going to try it out.


He should not consult a fertility specialist? Bros, u no be better person.

Eberex:
Put yourselves in the woman's scenario. She is 43 years old, and still single. Most women would lie 100 times if they have to just to get married. Meanwhile, i was thinking facial look on a person can tell where their age falls in. Is it possible the OP didn't look closely enough or was it love is blind? Or maybe she has a baby or young face that doesn't really show her real age.

As for advise, i don't have any. But i believe in love. If you love her, then you must also believe in miracle. wHY? because God is Love.

Best of luck

You have spoken well my dear,

About facial looks, there are some people that are like 10yrs younger than their age facially, some even 15yrs sef. + that lady, knew what she is in for, she will also do everything to enhance that look. We have all sorts of creams these days which has a later effect, I think the effects of those creams are taking it toll on her now, otherwise, we can't explain how she could just age rapidly in just 4yrs to the extent that the guy is seeing her as very old now.

We too deceived God out of our foolishness yet he forgives & help us out of our problems,please remember that if indeed you truly forgive her,you wont bother about this issue again in your heart,painful but such is life,haven said that,I want you to know that her beauty is fading fast because of internal condemnation..but you must rise up as a man to encourage her..as long as you didn't discover her age from her beauty in the beginning even with your age difference,it means she is pretty indeed...let her read Romans 8:1 and regain her confidence back again,I tell you under three months you won't believe your eyes with her beauty again.. Remember that the issue of fruitfulness is God's prerogative according to psalm 127:1-3 ..Doctors are there to counsel but the power to bring forth belongs to God..even if you go and marry a young girl today,you never can guarantee what will happen...Stand firm as a man with her and I can assure you that under few months she will be pregnant again & bring forth to term by God's grace.. I must equally advise you to be prayerful because your mistake must have been spiritually orchestrated unknown to you..but in any case always remember that God can beat the devil at his game any day any time ..that is why he says in Romans 8:28 that all things shall work together for your good . Never give up but keep on believing God because the just must live by faith.

hmmmm my brother my own advice be say: whatever you want do doam fast she has less than è years to hit menopause.

Bro, before u think of divorcing her, ask yourself if there is nothing that u are hiding from her no matter how small? Prayers can bring kids not age.

Take your case to God for direction and necessary help.

...

Gurgle:
The thing is that OP couldn't have imagined that the lady would lie about such a thing, that's why he didn't bother to cross-check her

So the moral is that all of us should just check these things very well..I keep leaving this thread and coming back because I really cant believe it..

I have come across ladies who have spent their years grooving, and who insist that they want to get married to guys much younger than them.

My dear kindly call it quit.
A relationship(or marriage) built on deceit and lies will collapse no matter how hard you try to keep it.

Cock and bull with bs

U may decide to forgive (which is always the best option) but the question now is ..Do u want to continue with the marriage or are you done?

U need to give an honest & long-term consideration to the following questions:

1. Do you love her unconditionally?

2. What if you don't have a child by her..would that create a crack in your marriage? U do know that cracks (if not taken care of) can destroy a marriage.. Are you ready to adopt? Is surrogacy an option?

3. As you know..a marriage not based on trust is doomed....can u still trust her? Are you ready to dump in the past her deception in order to have a smooth flow of trust in your future with her?

4. You know good, mature, homely women are not that easy to find....are you ready to start a new search?

The decision ultimately rests with you. Do not for a second consider the feelings and reactions of others above yours. You wear the shoe and know where it hurts. Make a decision you will ultimately be grateful you made.

Good luck!

What she did is really bad, but opting out of the marriage isn't a solution. Forgive her quickly so that you both can have a baby.


Patience is key, God knows best moreover.

castro316:
Brother first question I will ask is are you a child of God? Second question is do you really love your wife? Brother one thing I know is that there is NOTHING God cannot do. If I am talking to someone out there I want to let you know that there is hope. One thing I believe here is that ur wife can still conceive. I have seen the power of God in my own life which makes me know that nothing is impossible with God. Medical placing of menopause and of 45 is only an average meaning that some women can still conceive above 55 but rare. And some come with congenital diseases. So 45 yrs as menopausal age is a + or - thing.

All you guys need to do is.

You don't have to leave your wife at least now.
You shld tell ur wife to go for a 21 day fasting and prayer for God to forgive her sins. Join her if you can
Go for tests to see if see has other problems that might hinder her from taking in again so as to prevent. More sad stories. If she is alright then u r good to go

Try out intercourse for a while get her pregnant.

If she eventually gets pregnant treat her with extreme care aand go for antenatal check up very often making sure that all is going smoothly. Meanwhile praying ceaselessly for God to intervene in the situation and bro ur guess is as good as mine. A child is ok. Then u can adopt after that. Trust God never fails

Call me 08092431893
I am a beneficiary of God's love and power.

I WONDER IF YOU ARE IN HIS SHOE, WILL YOU DID WHAT YOU JUST WRITE?

IT IS VERY EASY TO TALK BUT HARD TO PRACTICE WHAT YOU TALK.



IT IS VERY EASY TO GIVE ADVICE WHICH MAY SOUND SWEET AND INTERESTING TO HEAR BUT VERY STILL HARD TO DO.


BE HONEST TO YOURSELF! WILL YOU STILL LIVE WITH THAT WOMAN IF YOU DISCOVER THIS BIG SECRET?

whao:


My friend, think and think again!

What if he is the one at menopause due to sin he has committed in the past and the devil want to use it against him? Don't forget he himself didn't undergo fertility test but blaming the wife for helping with some lope hold.

I don't believe the problem is from the wife but the husband. You can be young and still can't impregnate a woman, I wish you advice him to check himself rather saying those scrap of not taking shiiit;

If you re' a believer you will know age 47 is not a barrier to having children, Sarah the wife of Abraham had hers at age 90, Hannah and others even here in Nigeria had theirs at late age!

Don't spoil their wonderful home filled with true love and care for just children that re' coming till they tell God its enough.
Let him not marry another lady that ll give him thorn to life and restless peace just because of lack of patience.

Do you know what it means to have a wife who truly love you, cares for you and stand by you despite the odd? Ask a married man who wish never to have married by having the wrong woman and you will praise God and telling the #op to kneel and pray rather than getting a replace.

#teampraytoGod and #checkyourfertility

Did you read where he said that the wife had one miscarriage and one stillbirth? He is not impotent!

Osisie:
Forgive her, bro. That's your cross to bear. U can't cheat, u can't divorce.

If u divorce her, who go marry am?
Na wa for u o. Grow a conscience.

PS, she's sorry....forgive her.

Adopt a child and build his/her future. See this thing abt childbearing is overrated. What's ur bizness with ur kids when u're dead?

Abegi, go adopt and make that woman happy. Even GOD will be amazed at ur kind gestures. Do her this favour, bro.

Buy her happiness.

I PRAY NOR OF THIS SUCH HAPPEN TO YOU.

KEEP ON TALKING SWEET!! YOU THINK LIFE IS FULL OF FUN

Gurgle:


Lol why are you calling him, you want OP to run mad I think he has already said something sha

Lol. Not really, you know he is always aggressive on such issues. He doesn't hide his church mind on issues concerning the female gender.

Suspect33:
Pure MADNESS

yes that is what faith 'IS'

OP, this is the best advice so far. please forgive her whole heartedly and see God do a miracle. she need to relax and not under pressure or fear.
God will see you guyz through. All the best bro

Abugab:
If you love her as you said stick with her.
Forgive her from the dept of your heart and show this to her so that she will be relaxed. Due to her age she doesn't need to be under any tension so she can conceive and give birth without any issue.
She is obviously a wife material and I am confident she will make a good mother too. Just make her relaxed and put the past behind.
Wish you the best

WinsomeX:


Brother you are in a very difficult situation but certainly there is a way. So far, you have done the right things. I fear however the thoughts you have now is the wrong thing. This is what I mean:

Your Mrs did wrong by lying to you. But you are now married and you admit she is a good wife except for this little problem: her lie. Now you're contemplating divorcing her. That's settling a wrong with a wrong. This is my take.

1. Remain in the marriage. Affirm your love, forgiveness and commitment to your wife again.

2. Adopt children.

When you do this, I believe your wife's youth will be renewed. Her worrying over you is what is causing her to age.

Friend, I do not envy your situation but you're in it already. God can still bless it. Your pastor is also right .

Wish you the best and if possible return to this thread in years to come and tell us how things have improved in your home. Bc I'm positive they will.

HIS PASTOR IS RIGHT BECAUSE HE IS NOT IN HIS SHOE BUT RATHER SITTING AND EATING OFFERING MONEY.

THE TIME THAT PASTOR CHRIST DIVORCE HIS WIFE, NO BODY EVEN TALK ABOUT IT, NOT EVEN THE CHURCH BUT LET CLASSIFY IT AS FAMILY MISUNDERSTANDING.


HYPOCRITES, HYPOCRITES,

WAS HE NOT THE ONE WHO IS PREACHING NOT TO DIVORCE

HYPOCRITES, HYPOCRITES!!!

PASTOR THIS PASTOR THAT PASTOR SAID.

HYPOCRITES, HYPOCRITES!!

YOU PEOPLE MAY TALK BUT DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS LIKE TO BE DECEIVE BY LOVE.

Excellent7:


@seedgrows
I hope you say Amen if I say, may this kind of blessing locate you!
I scroll through the thread and I see many "wicked", emotional and "distant" advice,
If I am correct in my deductions from the OP's post and what he said is the way it is, these are the facts of the matter let us look together at these facts:
Fact 1: About 4 years ago the OP was 35 years and thought he was getting married to a 35 year old lady. (Note: Most naija guys will go for or prefer a younger lady)
Fact 2:From 1 above OP probably assumed "they" had a 10 year reproductive window!! (but he actually had 2 years or thereabouts and did not know it)
Fact 3: OP entered into the "marriage" hoping to have his own biological children.
Fact 4: The truth about the lady's age until they went for fertility things (babe was not ready to come clean until the truth could not be suppressed or hidden. If the lady had a child during this 4 years OP will most probably be in the dark).

On the basis of these facts my perception of the whole thing is that the OP has been scammed big time,
People are talking of forgiveness, but I want to ask what exactly do they want him to forgive? What about trust?
In my opinion there was never a marriage! It was all about the lady and I believe she know the game is up.
For the OP, I am not going to tell you what to do but I have a question for you and the answer can guide you.
If you are heterosexual and see a guy that presented himself as a gorgeous lady, and ended up "marrying her" only to realize the she is a he on your honeymoon, what will you do? Will you forgive and forget? Will it still be that only strong people forgive? Be guided by your answer(s) to this question!
Whatever your decision try not to be bitter.

@ lots of posters
This is really a hard one, but I was mad at how people were telling OP to take medicine they will never touch, and worse still involving God in it, to make the OP look like he is the guilty party.

You were sincere in your analysis. Some of the people telling the op to forgive and forget are just being emotional and religeous. If you throw a search light into most of the relationships they have found themselves in. It might surprise you what made them leave such relationships; the reasons which might not be as serious as this one. They especially the ladies, are quick as usual to ask the op if 'he has not lied before?' 'He would have done worse if he was in shoes'. The question I want to ask such women here on NL is what if a man knows very well and has confirmed medically that he is importent but tricked you into marrying him, would you still remember the world forgiveness? Will you remember any thing about and mortgage your life time joy under the guise of miracles? I see grave and life threatening lies in the faces of most NLs who have typed their comments here. You can't be better than or different from what you support or justify.

this is community issue

shadowgwalker:
Also lie about urs to her too. Tell her u are a retired wizard and ur real age is 156yrs and u are trying to stop the habit of drinking fresh human blood on every fool moon to maintainn ur youthfulness.

lol ,and that they sacrifice women around their 40s every year for sacrifice..last year was his turn and if it pass this year they will kill him instead...................u will see bolt is a learner

Mcleo007:
That marriage should be rendered null and void. It was built on lies and was already dead on arrival. I'd sue her if I were you and claim damages. She doesn't love you, don't be deceived; she used you/took advantage of you to get married.

Hihi!! be like sey na America you dey type this your message from....sue ki ni! collect damage ke!! for Nigeria?...hmmm!!!

buygala:
Op should stop crying over spilt milk and move on to try and impregnate a younger damsel....There are a lot of them these days who are ready to be baby mamas for the right price .... ask Olamide, Davido, Wizkid, etc

This is one of the few situations where Cheating is not only advisable but absolutely necessary..... A woman who can hide such a sensitive matter isn't worthy of being faithful to ..... op might as well divorce the woman and marry some younger blood if his conscience is too soft to allow him cheat


And for all those acting here all 'mature' and shitt , Being 'mature' by forgiving his wife isn't going to give him kids or undo the lie .... That marriage is irretrievably doomed because the dude will even start questioning the woman's 'Good Morning', and the woman will always feel guilty and victimized if any argument comes up in the house. ... THE PASTOR ISN'T GOING TO BE THERE WHEN ALL THE BAD BLOOD STARTS COMING OUT AFTER THE 'FORGIVENESS' ...... A WOMAN WHO CAN LIE LIKE DAT CAN EVEN KILL, AND DOESN'T DESERVE FORGIVENESS OR ANY SOFT LANDING OF ANY KIND

Anytime you make a comment on such sensitive issue, please always end it with 'my opinion though'.

You really made interesting contributions about the pastor and all the rest, but there's something you missed here. Its called human heart!

You can never predict or assume what a person will be from one act except many acts.

And people do change of course.

She has soiled that relationship, there might not be trust in it any more, but if I should give my opinion, I would say the OP should forgive and move on.

He should let the positive side of the woman out-weigh the lie she just told.

And mind you, if I were in her situation I would tell such lie to survive.

This life is all about survival.

Do what you have to do to have a reasonable time here on earth.

Well, I would suggest the issue of baby mama since you don't want to adopt.

She will be so happy to be the mother of that child.

In that instance, the tension dies and they both win.

Thanks

Seriously, you married a lady that is older than you with 8years and you didn't know I don't know what to say

ladyF:
Chai dis one worse pass football age scam
Its [size=20pt]LadyF[/size] again

How much are you paid for all these. Just wanna know.

jamex93:
Kill ha na

As age don turn food wey u dey chop

Nonsense

No pray make God give u pikin soon

read the write up again. Am sure he (op) made mention of the woman's age which i think shud be more than 50 by now if my calculation is correct. Do u still expect miracle to happen wen menopause is already there?

eph12:
Let's hear her own side of the story before we talk our own side of the story.

I wonder, if your assertions were correct, then she could have been only 42 years at time of marriage. Your semen/ sp&rm might not have been that strong, as this her age in the beginning poses less strain towards taking in. The challenges she encountered as mentioned in the write-up are good pointers of poor/weak sp&rm power. Do a nice consultation on your self to forestall further damages.