This thread was inspired by another (The power of grudges in the family.) and some family members of mine who are known for bearing grudges for a while, whether they have been really wronged or just imaginatively.

What kind of person are you? Quick to forgive or rather resentful or even vindictive?

I am trying to understand what the psychology is behind a forgiving and unforgiving nature? And maybe we can help some people cope with their rather unforgiving family members.

I'm quick to forgive, holden grudges puts a burden on you,. If the Heavenly father can forgive you of your very many sins, who are you not to forgive others

ladyF:
I'm quick to forgive, holden grudges puts a burden on you,. If the Heavenly father can forgive you of your very many sins, who are you not to forgive others

It is a nice attitude you have but people who are unforgiving know it too and yet are not able to let go of their anger easily.

I hold grudge 4 a while buh later forgive

It depends. I am forgiving, unforgiving, vindictive and above all HUMAN.

therealdeal10:
I hold grudge 4 a while buh later forgive

Same here. And when I forgive, I forget.

therealdeal10:
I hold grudge 4 a while buh later forgive

Real person

therealdeal10:
I hold grudge 4 a while buh later forgive

What changes about your behavior and treatment of those you are angry with when you are still angry?

What is it that makes you eventually forgive?

ATMC:
It depends. I am forgiving, unforgiving, vindictive and above all HUMAN.

What makes you forgive? What makes forgiveness impossible?
In what ways do you take revenge?

therealdeal10:
I hold grudge 4 a while buh later forgive

I'm like this too. I hold onto a hurt for a while but after a little while I let go.

Godmother:


I'm like this too. I hold onto a hurt for a while but after a little while I let go.

What do you mean by "little while"?

It is interesting that you used the word hurt. It is said that anger is sadness or hurt in disguise.
Could it be that the unforgiving types hurt more / are more sensitive?

Mindfulness:


What do you mean by "little while"?

It is interesting that you used the word hurt. It is said that anger is sadness or hurt in disguise.
Could it be that the unforgiving types hurt more / are more sensitive?

A little while for me could be a day to a few days.
Also being sensitive doesn't really mean the person is unforgiving. I think it just depends on the individual"s make-up

I dnt totally 4get bcus d person dat offended may wrong u again

I don't know how to hold grudges. You do or say something I find offensive, I drop it like it's hot and move on

There's dis big hate dat's always in me wen am offended, i dnt usually knw wat am doing again. I'm always restless

Bcus i wnt 2 b happy, b free wit every1 dis lyf is too short n nobody knws 2moro. Me 2 i might av offended sm1

therealdeal10:
I dnt totally 4get bcus d person dat offended may wrong u again

Do you forgive?

I dnt totally 4get bcus d person dat offended may wrong u again

SAMBARRY:
I don't know how to hold grudges. You do or say something I find offensive, I drop it like it's hot and move on

So you never hurt? You have no feelings?

I hold grudges. Usually if someone does me bad and doesn't apologize I hold the grudge for as long as possible. By holding a grudge I mean I ignore the person completely. No calls no text. If the person approaches me I interact minimally. I don't go all out to exact revenge. I just wipe the person from my existence.

therealdeal10:
There's dis big hate dat's always in me wen am offended, i dnt usually knw wat am doing again. I'm always restless

Bcus i wnt 2 b happy, b free wit every1 dis lyf is too short n nobody knws 2moro. Me 2 i might av offended sm1

If there is hate like you say, how do you drop it?

5minsmadness:
I hold grudges. Usually if someone does me bad and doesn't apologize I hold the grudge for as long as possible. By holding a grudge I mean I ignore the person completely. No calls no text. If the person approaches me I interact minimally. I don't go all out to exact revenge. I just wipe the person from my existence.

Does it not affect you to bear a grudge? I mean, at the end of the day, it is YOUR anger, it is inside of you.
If the person apologizes, are you able to forgive?

Mindfulness:


So you never hurt? You have no feelings?

of course I feel hurt and I have feelings. I mean if someone does or says something I don't like I'll tell him straight up instead of holding grudges.

Nobody is worth having high bp for

SAMBARRY:
of course I feel hurt and I have feelings. I mean if someone does or says something I don't like I'll tell him straight up instead of holding grudges.

Nobody is worth having high bp for

So your telling the person "straight up" is your coping mechanism when people wrong and hurt you.
Could it be then that the people who hold grudges, hold them because they are for some reason bottling up their feelings of hurt instead of communicating them effectively?

I tell d person in question wat he's done n move on meaning i'll b free wit myself

therealdeal10:
I tell d person in question wat he's done n move on meaning i'll b free wit myself

I suppose you assume that when people wrong you, they do so intentionally, am I right?

Mindfulness:


So your telling the person "straight up" is your coping mechanism when people wrong and hurt you.
Could it be then that the people who hold grudges, hold them because they are for some reason bottling up their feelings of hurt instead of communicating them effectively?

gbam. Health practitioners have revealed that bottling someone who has hurt you is like drinking poison and expecting the person you are hating to die. Bottom line holding grudges hurt you more than the other so to free your soul tell him or her so his or her

Mindfulness:


Does it not affect you to bear a grudge? I mean, at the end of the day, it is YOUR anger, it is inside of you.
If the person apologizes, are you able to forgive?

Apologising is like a trigger action. As soon as the person does so I forgive immediately and forget completely.

Yes it hurts to hold a grudge. It's not healthy. It's something I'm working on as a matter of fact.

SAMBARRY:
gbam. Health practitioners have revealed that bottling not forgiving someone who has hurt you is like drinking poison and expecting the person you are hating to die. Bottom line holding grudges hurt you more than the other so to free your soul tell him or her so his or her

@bold

My conviction but forgiveness does not always come easy. Sometimes it takes time. It is a process and it is a long one for some people.

It takes a long time for me to forgive

5minsmadness:

Apologising is like a trigger action. As soon as the person does so I forgive immediately and forget completely.

Yes it hurts to hold a grudge. It's not healthy. It's something I'm working on as a matter of fact.

It is interesting that an apology can make you even forget the hurt. Many people are able to forgive but they never forget so you have an advantage here when you get an apology.

It is good you are working on yourself but don't put yourself under pressure. It would be counterproductive. Sometimes time is needed, other times you may just need to express your anger by communicating it.

LaRoyalHighness:
It takes a long time for me to forgive

Why?

Mindfulness:


So your telling the person "straight up" is your coping mechanism when people wrong and hurt you.
Could it be then that the people who hold grudges, hold them because they are for some reason bottling up their feelings of hurt instead of communicating them effectively?

This is very true.
It's possible that people who hold grudges are far more sensitive than those who don't. They feel the person that hurt them ought to know better. Funny enough such people can also be very kind. It is in others taking advantage of thier kindness that they feel really hurt.