Notice To Employees - Jokes Etc - Nairaland
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Notice To Employees / Notice To Employees / Notice To Employees (2) (3) (4)
| Notice To Employees by GeeCee(m): 2:11pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately. PREGNANCY: In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave without pay. PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. VACATION DAYS: All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, Oct. 1 & Dec. 25 BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough. DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement. RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open. LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Sondra gets none. DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week. -- Management |
| Re: Notice To Employees by romsky: 2:23pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
hmmmm |
| Re: Notice To Employees by spikedcylinder: 2:25pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
GeeCee:   |
| Re: Notice To Employees by Ben13: 2:29pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
Spiked, I must say, I'm in love wiff your teeth  |
| Re: Notice To Employees by romsky: 2:31pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
d size abi |
| Re: Notice To Employees by PeeJee(m): 3:33pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
Ben20001:I can see ashii here |
| Re: Notice To Employees by Ben13: 3:44pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
go away! Pee jee the wife snatcher . spiked can't say a yes to you. better remain wiff that sukura that has a K-leg |
| Re: Notice To Employees by PeeJee(m): 3:49pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
Haba ben allow spike to talk noww, u are scared she will prefer me to u? |
| Re: Notice To Employees by Lolabbey: 4:02pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
:d |
| Re: Notice To Employees by Ben13: 4:05pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
the error from your microwave system is just litering the whole joke section. why na pls, sign out, and restart the so called pentium 1 peejee, i don't have your time, this evening. I have a date.don't spoil it. |
| Re: Notice To Employees by PeeJee(m): 4:06pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
Baby lola i still dey miss u sha , if u apologise i go still take u back |
| Re: Notice To Employees by Ben13: 4:08pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
No way! she's taking care of my kids. |
| Re: Notice To Employees by PeeJee(m): 4:21pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
ahhhhhhhh Ben u are a professional wife snatcher u must appear before Studio ,tyty, Crazy kid and Roma panel  |
| Re: Notice To Employees by romsky: 4:28pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
with mediate effect |
| Re: Notice To Employees by clemcykul(f): 4:31pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
nice one |
| Re: Notice To Employees by dani1luv: 4:32pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
:d |
| Re: Notice To Employees by Ben13: 4:39pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
all these microwave systems. |
| Re: Notice To Employees by dani1luv: 4:52pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
you get microwave |
| Re: Notice To Employees by StanP(m): 5:30pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
pls which company is this |
| Re: Notice To Employees by sylve11: 6:01pm On Apr 09, 2009 |
StanP Group Company  |
| Re: Notice To Employees by Ben13: 2:40pm On Apr 10, 2009 |
na you dey name company now. huh |
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