People say i live in a big house, I’d always taught they flattered me until this night, I had come home to an empty house and for the first time i felt so lonely at home, my bedroom feeling audaciously enormous, i could feel every wind, hear every sound, it felt like the length, breath and height of this house had increased and the atmosphere had become thicker such that it took so much strength to move my feet within the house.

How did I get here?
I woke up this morning with lots of adrenaline running through my veins, the pump of today being October 1st, the holiday and festivity, the long list of amazingly carefully thought out events for the day. Sadly this feeling didn’t last very long, pretty soon I remembered the long list of responsibilities and heavy duty logistics that i needed to ensure didn’t fail, it didn’t take long before the adrenaline and pump disappeared, before long, i was thinking of the irony of the celebration amidst all the many many problems of Nigeria, what are we even celebrating i asked myself, is it the boko-haram onslaught, or the bad roads and the many problems of this country (oh please, don’t even get me started.), pretty soon i was in a full fledge plunge into depression.

Suddenly i heard the door bell, it was Lugard, one of my many sidekicks for the day, he had come to pick up keys to the bus and other things need for logistics, why is he here so early i thought, switched on my phone it was already past seven, Oh! i had been in bed for about two hours soliloquising!

The rest of the day breezed past as I didn’t really participate in the rest of the festivities, I however did try to ensure every process and requirements for the day were met, done and went as planned. I got back to Warri at about past five in the evening, reviewed items and itinerary to ensure everything was atleast ok, and then i got the call, the bomb shell! I still recall my head spinning, and me screaming at the top of my voice in both hurt and disbelieve!

Aaron had just called me, he’s one of my few guys that I have, i wouldn't really say were best of FRIENDS, but we’re definitely better than acquaintances but its sorta in-between, off and on, on a need/situation/event basis.

He sounded very odd, he sounded like he’d been crying, maybe because I’ve known him for over 10 years, i could tell he was the one, (even truecaller couldn’t identify this number he was calling with), he told me how he’s been trying to reach me all day and couldn't get me (I was out of reception coverage), i didn’t bother explaining, i could tell something was really wrong, he told me how he’d been in my really good friend’s house all day and how that something terrible had happened and he needed to tell me.

I’ve got this friends i got to know sometime in 2004 while in the university, the were instrumentalists like me, we had come to meet in a Christ Embassy church and became very close, we did most things together, we had highs and lows, funny moments and embarrassing ones jointly and serverally, we were so close that everytime i imagined the future, they were a part of it, Isaiah Obi and Joseph Guwo had become a very integral part of my life and we always somehow kept in touch even though isaiah lives in a different city. Joe as we call him went on to marry his college sweet heart chinenye (chinny as we would call her) a fews years after graduation, while in the university she had also become a part of our clique like a few others.

Suddenly i snapped back to reality, all the tiredness of the day had disappeared, what did you just say i retorted, Frank he said, Joe your friend is dead, he died in a motor accident, he was travelling to abuja in a greener line vehicle, they had an accident and there are no survivors!

I hissed and ended the call, Aaron can be a bit naughty, i just thought his level of naughtiness had increased by an extra-ordinary amplitude and i didn’t find it funny. Few minutes after the call i started to worry, i thought about it for a while and decided not to call Joe’s wife as Joe’s number was switched off, i felt if this was Aaron’s prank, it would be super weird to let chinny know about it, i thought about asking her in different ways but finally decided against it, so i decided to call the third “musketeer" as we call ourselves and he confirmed the news, he had also been trying to reach me!

I drove with such urgency, with such numbness to his home, burst through the doors without really knocking, Chinny was sitting in the couch by the door, there were a lot of unfamiliar faces, it was then i began to cry, who would have thought Frank could cry like that? I held on to Chinny’s arm so tightly as if that would take away the pain i felt inside. I starred into her eyes and what i saw was unimaginable, words and space would fail me to describe, for the first time i saw this strange emptiness, this awkward sadness in her eyes, i just couldn’t help but cry more! I know what they’ve been through together, pre-marriage and post marriage, how we celebrated and admired their union and he now has left so suddenly after less than four years of their marriage.

As i write this, i can only imagine the pain she’s going through, never in my life have i felt so small, so helpless and hapless, so weak and incapacitated, i didn’t know what to tell her, i muttered some words in the few hours i stayed, can’t really remember the disjointed, disoriented and incoherent wordings, In those moments, all my cares and worries, my dreams, aspirations and tiredness from the long day where inconsequential, all gone and replaced by this strange quantum of grief, sadness and depression!

If there was ever anything that shook the very tenants of the things i hold dear and believe, this was it, if there was ever a time i really did question the essence of life, its struggles and challenges, this was it!

Here i am, sitting in this cold tiled stairs, typing so fast and sobbing, if Joe could die just like that? maybe ………………………..

Joe pace, Mr Guwo, Eshin, My drummer boy, so you left us like this? for what now? Palley no be so!

cc lalastica , seun

sorry about your loss.... you are a strong guy or not moved by his death to have composed this lengthy write up.

@ exponental must u comment Pls? You don't address people u don't know.how could say he didn't feel the loss? You don't know frank nor Joseph

So sorry for your loss.
Joe Guwo,rest in peace.
Chinny,I pray you find the heart to bear this loss.
Frank,you be a strong man ok?
Life is meaningless...I knew this by this time last year and it stared me in the face till 21st December, 2014.
We depart when our duty is done.

Some call you Joe but I call you Safety Jo. It's so sad you have to leave this sinful world this way. Your friends n colleagues :Seyi, Seni, Ekanem, Alex, Raymond, Aaron, Asemota, Chi Ukpai, All must be wailing. You always hail me "Nothing do you or Fyn Boy." Wherever you are, rest in the bosom of the Lord.

Op, accept my condolences. May Jah comfort you.

So sorry, please accept my sympathy.