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Broken Queen - Poems For Review - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poems For Review / Broken Queen (1302 Views)

Broken / The Riddle Of The Broken Heart / Broken Home (2) (3) (4)

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Broken Queen by Laveda(f): 11:34pm On Oct 24, 2015
Tears fall from my broken heart embarassed. . .
I never thought we would be apart. .

When you held me and said forever. .but those were all lies cry

Your tender touch,cute smile are things I'll miss about you kiss

As I lie awake tonight,wishing of things I can never change. Reminiscing on time we spent together. .

They say love is blind,but I had only you in mind. .

It hurts so deep. . It cuts like a knife,but wounds heal. .and I'll go on with my life smiley

9 Likes 7 Shares

Re: Broken Queen by joseph1832(m): 11:40pm On Oct 24, 2015
Learn to arrange your poems in stanzas.

1 Like

Re: Broken Queen by daveP(m): 1:02am On Oct 25, 2015
Hmm. Lav, Follow back
Re: Broken Queen by Laveda(f): 10:08am On Oct 25, 2015
daveP:
Hmm. Lav, Follow back
Done!
Re: Broken Queen by timpaker(m): 1:48pm On Oct 27, 2015
Nice piece!

I guess it was inspired from your life experience.

Like Bro Joe said, Please try and organize the poem will, it is a bit scattered.

I also observed you wrote in rhymes of a,a at the beginning (1st stanza) and then changed in line 3 - 5 but again continued with the rhyme on just one line each. Doing this might make the poem flow to readers.

Generally, you did great. We'd like to see more of your work(s) here.

Welcome to the Club!!! kiss

2 Likes

Re: Broken Queen by joseph1832(m): 1:58pm On Oct 27, 2015
timpaker:
Nice piece!

I guess it was inspired from your life experience.

Like Bro Joe said, Please try and organize the poem will, it is a bit scattered.

I also observed you wrote in rhymes of a,a at the beginning (1st stanza) and then changed in line 3 - 5 but again continued with the rhyme on just one line each. Doing this might make the poem flow to readers.

Generally, you did great. We'd like to see more of your work(s) here.

Welcome to the Club!!! kiss

Bro Joe? Dude when did I become bro Joe LOL.
Re: Broken Queen by timpaker(m): 3:04pm On Oct 27, 2015
joseph1832:
Bro Joe? Dude when did I become bro Joe LOL.

The day 1832 became difficult to recall embarassed
Re: Broken Queen by joseph1832(m): 3:14pm On Oct 27, 2015
timpaker:


The day 1832 became difficult to recall embarassed
You just recalled it bruv, how hard was it? LOL.
Re: Broken Queen by Laveda(f): 6:12pm On Oct 27, 2015
timpaker:
Nice piece!

I guess it was inspired from your life experience.

Like Bro Joe said, Please try and organize the poem will, it is a bit scattered.

I also observed you wrote in rhymes of a,a at the beginning (1st stanza) and then changed in line 3 - 5 but again continued with the rhyme on just one line each. Doing this might make the poem flow to readers.

Generally, you did great. We'd like to see more of your work(s) here.

Welcome to the Club!!! kiss

Wow 'correcting and complimenting without insults' dint know such exists on this forum. .Thanks so much smiley smiley

**************
Yeah, life experience I find it easier writing a poem with things that happen around me
Happy to join you guys here *takes a bow* cheesy

1 Like

Re: Broken Queen by danbrowndmf(m): 8:04pm On Oct 27, 2015
Laveda:
Tears fall from my broken heart embarassed. . .
I never thought we would be apart. .

When you held me and said forever. .but those were all lies cry

Your tender touch,cute smile are things I'll miss about you kiss

As I lie awake tonight,wishing of things I can never change. Reminiscing on time we spent together. .

They say love is blind,but I had only you in mind. .

It hurts so deep. . It cuts like a knife,but wounds heal. .and I'll go on with my life smiley
Wow! Nice one,you dnt need to tell me this is a true life story,i already know it is a true life story.
Jus work on ur rhymes though,i like the story.
Oya come and give daddy a kiss.cheesy
When i write mine i'll tag u.
Re: Broken Queen by Laveda(f): 8:13pm On Oct 27, 2015
danbrowndmf:
Wow! Nice one,you dnt need to tell me this is a true life story,i already know it is a true life story.
Jus work on ur rhymes though,i like the story.
Oya come and give daddy a kiss.cheesy
When i write mine i'll tag u.
Yeah it is smiley
Alright, tag me when you do
Re: Broken Queen by danbrowndmf(m): 8:28pm On Oct 27, 2015
Laveda:
Yeah it is smiley Alright, tag me when you do
yes mir.
Re: Broken Queen by timpaker(m): 2:48pm On Oct 28, 2015
Laveda:
Wow 'correcting and complimenting without insults' dint know such exists on this forum. .Thanks so much smiley smiley

**************
Yeah, life experience I find it easier writing a poem with things that happen around me
Happy to join you guys here *takes a bow* cheesy


Hehehehehhe.
You're welcome.
That's how we roll here.... smiley
Re: Broken Queen by Laveda(f): 2:54pm On Oct 28, 2015
timpaker:

Hehehehehhe. You're welcome. That's how we roll here.... smiley
smiley
Re: Broken Queen by Laveda(f): 5:31pm On Oct 31, 2015
.
Re: Broken Queen by ipledge10(m): 8:53pm On Oct 31, 2015
[quote author=Laveda post=39554167][/quote]copied kiss
Re: Broken Queen by Nobody: 8:54pm On Oct 31, 2015
[quote author=Laveda post=39554167][/quote]

let me mail u too tongue
Re: Broken Queen by Laveda(f): 8:58pm On Oct 31, 2015
N1one:


let me mail u too tongue
lipsrsealed lipsrsealed
Re: Broken Queen by Nobody: 9:27pm On Oct 31, 2015
Re: Broken Queen by OAFMods: 2:21pm On Jan 15, 2016
Laveda:
Tears fall from my broken heart embarassed. . .
I never thought we would be apart. .

When you held me and said forever. .but those were all lies cry

Your tender touch,cute smile are things I'll miss about you kiss

As I lie awake tonight,wishing of things I can never change. Reminiscing on time we spent together. .

They say love is blind,but I had only you in mind. .

It hurts so deep. . It cuts like a knife,but wounds heal. .and I'll go on with my life smiley
Okay

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