Husband buys 5 of the same color
of pants for his
wife.
WIFE: Ah! Same color? People will
think i don't change my panties.
HUSBAND Which people?



SON: Mom, grandma is so
annoying, I wish she will
just die.
MOTHER: Idiot, it's your mother that
will die not mine



MOM: junior, pls bring water 4 me
from the fridge
Akpos: mom, to drink?
MOM: no, to change to wine. Useless
child"





Man: Baby, i love you, would you marry me?
Woman: (stands up and gave him a stinging slap on his
face)
I have waited more than 12yrs,
i have prayed, fasted, sowed seeds,
bought books and listened to tapes,
even went on my way to be nice to
specie of marriageble age!
I took up new hobbies, watching football and playstation.
I went to House on the Rock, MFM, Christ Embassy, Living
Faith, Redeemed and presently at Winners looking
everywhere for you,
I went from a size 16 to size 10,
so that when you see me,
you will love what you see.
I left lagos to abuja,
then i left to portharcourt,
then i went all the way to kano.
I joined hi-five, from hi-five to facebook,
from facebook to twitter,
I even had a blog on which i rented,
hoping you will show up!!
I uploaded only my best pictures on facebook,
infact i took photo sessions to look my best!!!
I attended all the weddings,
whether the invitation was direct or indirect!
The next place i was hoping to check was the moon,
before you crawled out from the door directly to me!!
So it was you all dis while??
The neighbor i say hello to every morning!!
Were you trying my faith
You almost rendered my prayer life useless!!
What were u waiting for
What sign were you looking for??
Do you want to kill me before you reveal yourself?
Now be a gentleman,
get down on your kneels
and put the ring on my finger!!!
The guy replied, "APRIL FOOL"



BIBLE QUIZ
Q: who is judas?
Akpos: a farmer and vegetarian.
Q: why?
Akpos: becos judas eats carrot.
Q: where is judas from?
Akpos: Nigeria.
Q: which tribe?
Akpos: igbo.
Q: why?
Akpos: becos he loves money.
Q: what is Lazarus surname?
Akpos: Comfort.
Q: why?
Akpos: becos wen Jesus came to
his grave, He shouted "Lazarus
Comfort".
Q: who are the brothers of
Lazarus that climb the tree to see
Jesus?
Akpos: Aki n Popo.
Q: why?
Akpos: because he is a short man.
Q: complete this bible quote,
"many are called but..."
Akpos: many are called but few
have the credit to call back.



AKPOS THE SMART
DRIVER..?
Akpos, who survived in a tragic accident which rendered 50 people dead
at Lagos-Ibadan Express
Way was remanded in police custody to assist in police investigation.
Luckily for him, the police officer incharge is his
friend Johnny.
Here is the Interrogation:
POLICE: Mr Akpos, how did you end up killing 50
people?
AKPOS: I was driving at 150km/h when I saw two men crossing the road.
On the other side, a
wedding
was taking place. I hit the brake but it failed, so I had
to make a choice, either hit the two men or run into
the wedding party....
POLICE: Hit the two men of course to reduce Casualties!
AKPOS: Exactly, we think alike oooh! But after hitting
one, the other man
escaped into the wedding
party.
POLICE: So, what did you do?
AKPOS: I went after him to balance the
equation...But
unfortunately, people lost their lives in the process.






STUDENT: Sir, can I ask a question?
TEACHER: Yes!
STUDENT: How do you put an
elephant inside a fridge?
TEACHER: I don't know.
STUDENT: It's easy, you just open the fridge and put it in. I
have
another question!
TEACHER: Ok, ask.
STUDENT: How to put a donkey
inside the fridge?
TEACHER: It's easy, you just open the fridge and put it in.
STUDENT: No sir, You just open the
fridge take out the elephant and put
it in.
TEACHER: Ooh...ok!!
STUDENT: Let me ask another one. If all the animals went
to the lion's
birthday party, and one animal went
missing which one would it be?
TEACHER: The lion of course!
Because it wud eat all the animals.
STUDENT: No sir, it is the donkey becoz it's still inside the
fridge.
TEACHER: Are you kidding me?
STUDENT: No sir, 1 last question.
TEACHER: Ok!
STUDENT: If there's a river full of
crocodiles and you wanted to cross, how would you?
TEACHER: There's no way, I would
need a boat to cross.
STUDENT: No sir, you just swim and
cross it because all the
animals went to the lion's birthday party....
TEACHER..i have my own question,if
all the
students come to
school except one person, who is the
person.. STUDENT.No idea sir..
TEACHER..its u because you are on
two
weeks suspension...







GIRLFRIEND: Hello oooo dearie!!!!
KWAME: Hi. GIRLFRIEND: What happened?
KWAME: Nothing.
GIRLFRIEND: No, say na, what happened? You look unhappy.
KWAME: I will ask you something now and you have to tell me the truth. Will you? GIRLFRIEND: Okay, ask.
KWAME: Who is Joseph? He likes all your profile pictures and even your status updates on facebook. Who the hell is he?
GIRLFRIEND: Please don't say anything about him.
KWAME: Is he your ex-boyfriend? Are you still in love with him?
GIRLFRIEND: Why would I love him. You are my only love.
KWAME: Then, is he your brother?
GIRLFRIEND: No, no. Not like that.
KWAME: Then who the hell is he for Christ's sake?
GIRLFRIEND: Shall we talk about something else?
KWAME: So you are hiding something from me? You have that much close relationship with him. He's so much important to you, right?
GIRLFRIEND: If I disclose the secret you will definitely scold me.
KWAME: I'm getting irritated now. Don't test my patience.
GIRLFRIEND: Pleasssssseeee!
KWAME: If you don't tell me, I will break up with you right now!
GIRLFRIEND: Okay, I will tell you. But promise me that you won't scold me, okay? KWAME: Okay.
GIRLFRIEND: Ermmmm, that is my fake profile, if no one likes my pictures, I like my pictures through that account and also post comments like beautiful, hot, sexy, nice one, etc.