Allah(SWT) says in Qur'an “...marry those that please you of women, TWO or THREE or FOUR. But if you fear that you will not be just, then marry only ONE.... That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.” (Q. 4:3)

The Prophet (SAW) said: “Whoever has two wives and favours one of them over the other, will come on the Day of Resurrection with one of his sides leaning.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1141), Abu Dawood (2133), al-Nasaa’i (3942) and Ibn Majaah (1969). Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb (no. 1949).

In Islam, it is permissible for a man to marry two, three or a maximum of four wives at a time. This is permissible with the conditions of being able to cater for the needs of the wives without being bias to any of them. On the other side, it is not permissible for a woman to marry more than one husband at a time.

Allah(SWT) in His wisdom has designed women to be monogamous while men are designed otherwise. A man can have two or more women giving birth for him at the same time. This is not possible in case of women. Women have restricted fertile life from menarche to menopause. Before menarche and after menopause, a woman cannot give birth to a child, except with the miracle of Allah(SWT).

Men, on the other hand, have fertile life all through their lives from puberty; ceteris paribus. These designs are not mistakes but rather they are Allah's perfect designs for us as human beings.
There is normally a surplus of women in most human societies. The surplus here might not necessarily be in terms of male female population ratio. The surplus is as a result of the factors such as: men dying in wars, violent crimes, women outliving men,accident at workplace, etc.Among the surplus women are widows, old and young ones.

Allah(SWT) has designed the restricted polygamy to cater for the needs of the surplus women. If our systems do not cater for the needs of the surplus women, it will result into evils in society. For example, Germany after World War II, when suggestions to legalize polygamy were rejected by the Church, that resulted into the legalization of prostitution. German prostitutes are considered as workers like any other profession. They receive health benefits and pay taxes like any other citizen. Furthermore, the rate of marriage has been steadily declining as each succeeding generation finds the institution of marriage more and more irrelevant!

Institutional polygamy prevents the spread of diseases like Herpes and AIDS. Such venereal diseases spread in promiscuous societies where extra-marital affairs abound.

Polygamy protects the interests of women and children in society. Men, in Western society make the laws. They prefer to keep polygamy illegal because it absolves them of responsibility. Legalized polygamy would require them to spend on their additional wives and their offsprings. Monogamy allows them to enjoy extra-marital affairs without economic consequences.

Polygamy in Islam is only permissible for those who have the capability. So, for our rich Muslim men, it might be wrong on us if we have all it takes to marry another wife and we refuse. We can help the surplus women by marrying them especially young widows. They need legitimate matrimonial supports like companionship, good sex, etc.

However, care must be taken here. This is because some single women are so desperate that they can do anything to send the first wife away. So, let's accept Islam wholeheartedly.

For those married Muslim women who are so desperate and selfish about sharing their husbands with another woman, this is a true life story of a muslimah:




“Second wife! The words reverberated through my brain. Why? Am I not good enough? Never! I will never accept a second wife! If you want a second wife you can go out and get one as long as you know that I will not be here when you come back! Those were my words to my husband a few years ago when he mentioned to me that he is intending to marry again a second time. It was a woman recently divorced, 4 children. She is having a hard time, he said, she doesn't know where the next meal is coming from or how to provide adequately for her children. “Where is their father?” I asked, “Can’t he take care of his own kids? Why do you a strange man have to carry another man’s burden? Surely there are other ways that you can help her out financially without having to MARRY her!

I could not imagine myself in a plural marriage. Sharing my husband with another woman. Sharing his love, his smiles, his jokes with a woman other than myself. I could not fathom him holding her close and whispering loving words in her ears. It was unacceptable. An outrage! After all, I have been to him, wife, lover, mother, doctor; housekeeper. I raised 3 of his beautiful children. How can he insult me by marrying another woman as if I am not good enough? Not pretty enough. Not young enough or just plain not ENOUGH! NO! I could not accept that and I vehemently made my stance clear to him. If she walks in, I walk out! Plain and simple. If he is willing to risk our marriage, our life, our children for another woman, then he must go ahead. I will not stand for it!

It all seems so many years ago now. When I thought that life would last forever and that nothing will ever change. But it did….My husband did not get married to a second wife. After all my warnings and threats of leaving he abandoned the idea. I don’t know what happened to the woman and her children. My guess is that they moved on to another town.

He never mentioned a second wife again and I was happy with that. I managed to hang on to my husband but I didn’t know that our time was running out. His last words to me were that he had a headache and is going to lie down till Esha. He never read Esha namaaz that night, because he never woke up! I was devastated by his sudden death. The man whom I have spent my life with, snatched away from me in a second! I mourned him for a long, long time.

Neglecting my children and the business. Soon all went to waste and we started losing everything one by one. First the car then the shop, then the house. We moved in with my brother and his family. My 3 children and I crowded the house and my sister in law soon became annoyed by our presence. I needed to get out, to work and find a place of our own instead of living off the leftovers of others. But I had no skill.

When my husband was alive we lived comfortably. I had no need to go out and work or equip myself with a skill. Life was very difficult for me and my children and I wasn’t young anymore. I missed him every day with every beat of my heart. How could one’s condition change so drastically? One day my brother told me that someone he knew is looking for a wife. He was a good person, good akhlaq and very pious. Perfect for me, but he wants me to be his second wife.

It’s the second time in my life that the word second wife was mentioned to me. But how different the circumstances. He came to my brother’s house to see me. There was an immediate connection between us. I liked him and I liked everything about him. He told me that his first wife knows that he is intending to marry again but that she is obviously not supportive of the idea and that he doesn’t know what her reaction will be when he tells her that he had found someone. His answer he said, will be dependent on her acceptance of Polygamy. I started praying Istikhara that night. I so desperately wanted it to work out. I remembered so many years ago when the life of another woman depended on my decision and what my decision was. I felt contrite, I felt that because I did not give another woman a chance, a space in my life, that Allah will punish me this time around.


I repented, not once in my life did I think my action worthy of repentance because I had done nothing wrong. I only protected what was mine. Now that I am on the receiving end, I realized how wrong I was in denying another woman this PRIVILEGE of a husband. I prayed that she will accept me. He phoned me a few days later telling me that his wife is having a hard time accepting it but that she is willing to meet me. I was nervous the day of the meeting. I prayed a lot the day before and asked Allah to help me.

When I met her, she was a person, a woman like me. A woman who loves her husband and fears losing him. She took my hand and with tears in her eyes said: “This is very hard for me, but I hope that we can be sisters” her words broke my heart. All I needed in these dark days was a hand reaching out to me and embracing me, giving me hope and the will to carry on. His wife was to me, the woman that I could not be and I will be forever grateful for that. I thought that no one could love her husband the way I loved mine, but she taught me the true meaning of unconditional love.


You never knew a person’s situation until you are in it. Judge by what is right according to Qu’ran and you will see how Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala will sent double fold of blessings your way.”

http://muslimvillage.com/2014/12/09/60243/second-wife-a-sisters-story/

That story really touched me. But i still can't imagine myself living with co-wife, its definitely not easy.

carinmom:
That story really touched me. But i still can't imagine myself living with co-wife, its definitely not easy.

Allah(SWT) will make it easy...