A man goes to the doctor with a long history of
migraine headaches. When the doctor does his
history and physical, he discovers that his poor
patient has had practically every therapy known
to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too
and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really
anything I learned in medical school, but it's
advice that I've gotten from my own experience.

When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice
hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my
wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can
stand, especially around the forehead. This helps
a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her
into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing
me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost
always, the headache is immediately gone. Now,
give it a try, and come back and see me in six
weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big
grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It
REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years
and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped
me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could
help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a
REALLY nice house."

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up
to his wife, pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed up, we could
get rid of your control top panty hose."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept
silent.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch
on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could
get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled
over and grabbed him by his "winkie." With a death grip in place, she said,
"You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the
postman, the pool man, and your brother.

cool

TOYOSI20:

cool

I know i dont need to be told

A new pastor moved into a town, and he went out one day to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came upon this one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it on the back of the door. Revelation 3:20: "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me."

Later in the week, as he was counting the offering, he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was the notation "Genesis 3:10."

Genesis 3:10: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked: so I hid myself."

A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm"?

"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm", she said.

Then he asked "Why is my sister named Cornflower"?

"Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her", she replied. He then asked "And why is my other sister called Moonchild"?

"We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived", the mother replies.

The mother paused and said to her son, "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" "I kicked her in the face."

An elderly Italian Jewish man wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi. "Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a 'goy" and changed my name from Levi to Spamoni and I am alive today because of it."
"Self preservation is important and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable," said the Rabbi.
"Rabbi, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic and they never found her."
"That was a wonderful thing you did and you have no need to feel guilty."
"It's worse Rabbi. I was weak and allowed her to repay me for my efforts with her sexual favours."
"You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. There is a favourable balance between good and evil and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt."
"Thank you, Rabbi. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question."
"And what is that?"
"Should I tell her the war is over?"

dani1luv:

I know i dont need to be told

LOL!!!

Classic Jokes,  

dani y r u contradicting yaself?

fanks!

blissieng is that an experince

She's always sfeaking from experience

who beat u

Jealousy!

u in denial then?

blissieng ur brain be like diskette.

don, you care to expantiate on that?

don?

who u dey ask ques?

ur name na don?

Thou cometh into thy forum and behold people saying incomprehensible things.

u go soon undrstnd . . . .na only marra of tym