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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / TV/Movies / How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie (20182 Views)
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How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by DJBIGGY(m): 4:31pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
1. A couple is making love in their room with no one watching and yet they cover themselves with thick blanket and start to struggle and sweat like they were forced to do it in a public place. 2. It is only in Nigerian movies when a prayer warrior/pastor says ”HOLY GHOST FIRE! to an evil person and you will see fire balls, fire whips, fire missiles appearing. Wonderful! I wonder why this never happen in churches of today…lol. 3. When a ghost appears to person and say to him “SO YOU KILLED ME”. 4. When every slap sounds like a gunshots. 5. Someone will be shown 25 years after and he will be wearing the same clothes he wore earlier. 6. A car is about to have an accident when a steering wheel suddenly starts turning and the driver will eventually hit a tree and the driver will be seen with his head on the steering wheel with no damage to windscreen, nor any scratch on the car whatsoever. 7. The actors waste unnecessary time to perform an act that shouldn’t take more than a fraction of a second example: An actor will spend fifteen good minutes of his time threatening to kill someone, spend another five minutes looking for his gun (while the mumu victim will stand there watching) and then spend another ten minutes shouting “I WILL KILL YOU TODAY” after which he shots his gun (the sound is often times not in sequence with the trigger pull) and then the victim screams ” I AM DEAD, YOU HAVE KILLED ME, I AM DYING” and then he dies. 8. Adverts floods the first half hour. Thank God for fast forwarding 9. A car will hit someone at top speed and that person will still be lying on the bonnet of the car 10. You have to reduce the volume for the soundtrack and increase it to hear what the actor are saying, so you have to hold onto your remote control. 11. Almost all endings will happen in church, when at the end of the movie, a pastor and his team prays and the wicked/evil person manifests, confesses and then drops dead. So death always waits for a person to confess before killing the person? I never know o. . 12.To God be the glory. This always happens when the director/ producers have run out of ideas to end the movie. 13. A ghost wearing a Timberland and a wrist watch. 14. When the film advertisement ends with GO GRAB UR COPY NOW!!!!!! as if its going out of existence and your entire being is dependent on it. 15. When it is marketed and distributed at 51/52 Iweka road Onitsha, 12 Idumota lane or Pound road Aba. 16. An actor leaves his house in a red shirt and is seen in the car with a blue shirt and arrives his destination in a red shirt. 17. When a hospitalized patient coughs continuously and dies by shaking violently on the hospital bed. 18. When a man suffers a gun shot injury to the tummy and is shown in the hospital with bandages on their head and a cast on their arms and legs. 19. When a village setting has all of the cast scantily dressed with ankara or animal skin, like NOBODY wears shirt & trouser in the village. 20. When a village boy travels to the city ( lagos) and comes back as a rich man. I wonder why we still have poor people in lagos. 21. When u see the cameraman’s image on the body of a shiny car, with his camera raised up and usually clad in white SINGLET and SHORT knickers. 22. When it is distributed by Zeb Ejiro, Produced by Zeb Ejiro, Written by Zeb Ejiro, Screen Play by Zeb Ejiro, Make up by Zeb Ejiro and Directed by Zeb Ejiro. 23. When your mother and sisters all gather in the parlour watching the tv with rapt attention and periodically turn to each other and say “this kind thing dey happen true true o ” 24. When u see an actor/actress remembering what happened in 1972 …and at the back u see vote for MUHAMMADU BUARI 2015 APC CHANGE sign board…. in 1972 . 25. To God be the glory. Watch out for part 4. Add yours... http://www.olamzy.com/2015/12/how-to-identify-nollywood-movie.html CC lalasticlala 92 Likes 7 Shares
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Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by damton(m): 7:00pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
when a Ghost have to look side ways before crossing a main road. only in nollywood, when you must make a film into part 2 and even 3 upwards just by flooding the movies with advert and making sure a Disc only contains 30 minutes of Action. It's only in Nollywood, where patience ozokwor and Olu jacobs still plays the role of Primary school pupils. 8 Likes |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by LesbianBoy(m): 7:01pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
Pls i want to ask o! Why is it that whenever omotola jalade or chioma chukwuka want to ''make love'' in movies, someone will always knock even when it has nothing to do with the storyline and that would stop them from going ahead or the camera always switchs to the next scene immediately the actor puts his hand on their cloth 2 Likes |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by lonelydora: 7:01pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
No 10 is the reason I don't watch nollywood. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Cutehector(m): 7:01pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
Nigerian mentality |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Nobody: 7:01pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
When you see "To God be the glory" before the end credit. |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Rexphobia(m): 7:02pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
One word... Brevity |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Toeyoursea(m): 7:03pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by NOBODYY: 7:03pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
In a nollywood movie After giving advice/warning on a sick bed you must cough three times before dieing its in the constitution The way wey we dey always confirm death in nollywood movies is comical seff just carry the hand & drop.. 23 Likes |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Yomite27: 7:03pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
Laff |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by kobonaire(m): 7:03pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
Kudos to the OP .... such a hilarious and factual write-up. All said, there is something sweet about nollywood that sometimes draws you in to watch the movies 1 Like |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by ChiSun27(m): 7:03pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
Pls guys don't pm any girl called zaragal....she is possessed with an evil spirit. Pls....for ur safety avoid her.....except u wnt to insult her. |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by gist4kidsblog: 7:04pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
Lolzz |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by lasisi69(f): 7:04pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
End time movie industry 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Nobody: 7:05pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
It's only in Nollywood that every elderly actor must go to school. Only in Nollywood that ghost will look the two sides of the road before crossing. Only in Nollywood that a person will suffer because of the wickedness of her relatives,at the end of the day the relative asks for forgiveness and the "sufferer" willingly forgives. Only in Nollywood that a King dresses in robes and native attire and always wears his crown. Only in Nollywood a person is slapped and the person's reply will be"YOU SLAPPED ME"?,no I shiit ontop your head.Iranu. Only in Nollywood in Police Station,you'll see "Police is Your Friend" pasted on the wall. Only in Nollywood that all mother inlaws are wicked. Only in Nollywood that a Princess is interested in dating a Taxi Driver. Only in Nollywood that when a person is accused,he/she replies "What Are You Insinuating"? Only in Nollywood that when a person is caught cheating,the reply goes like this:"Honey I can EXPLAIN". When a person is caught cheating,reply is "Honey it's not what you think".SmH.Yeye dey smell. More coming... 19 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by SAMBARRY: 7:05pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
Ok |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by jrerico1(m): 7:05pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
1) When a ghost look left and right before he cross road 2) When a dead corpes sweat enormously in a coffin 4 Likes |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by NOBODYY: 7:05pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
ChiSun27:Because she said she doesnt like igbos?? STFU please 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Chomzy222(f): 7:06pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
ENDTIME MOVIES |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by oluamid(m): 7:06pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
lmao! |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by dammytosh: 7:07pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
lol |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Meriekriss: 7:07pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
Lol.. |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by iyatrustee(f): 7:08pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
Number 5 is the most annoying |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by xprimate(m): 7:08pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
DJBIGGY:nah the one man squard issue dey vex me pass.nollywood #movies4dummies 1 Like |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by biosepeter1(m): 7:08pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
Kikikikikik |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by temmytope1234(f): 7:09pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
Haaaaaaaaaaaaa |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by omobacyprus(m): 7:10pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
how to know identify nollywood subtitle 17 Likes 3 Shares
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Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Gbopemi0(m): 7:11pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
. |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by Zahrabinnta(f): 7:16pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
Stop watching Africa magic epic,watch urban or showcase they play better films |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by YOUNGKAHUNA: 7:17pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
LoL.... |
Re: How Best To Identify A Nollywood Movie by luckyman1010(m): 7:17pm On Dec 11, 2015 |
when an artists has single hair style from the beginning to end of movies even if the film portrait 50years. 2 Likes |
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