Just before you boarded the bus en route Owerri to Abuja, you decided to have a little mini meal to avoid a rumbling tummy before your next stop. You decide to get palm oil fried fish with bolle washed down by a very cold bottle of La Casera.

To the envy of the passengers around you, you bite and chew the bolle with loud sloppy sounds and gulp down your La Casera while looking at their faces. You are the boss, yes and you fear no one, not even the involuntary organs of your digestive tract until...................POOM!!PAAPAARIIIIRIRIRIPAPA!!!!.

Who mess? said the driver, I shamefully look at his face and the faces of the passengers around me who some hours ago wished they were in my shoes. Karma is indeed what they say it is you know?....

I reply with a soprano "Bros no vex abeg; I want to use the restroom" "which one be Restroom again". He cuts himself short to concentrate on the road.

He continues after overtaking a vehicle from the wrong side "Wetin concern Mess wey you mess concern restroom??".

I think long and hard before I give a reply as it seems with every word, the battle being fought in my underworld is gradually going the way of karma, and fast.

Finally, I respond in a laborious voice "Sir, please I would really love to ease myself right away".
At this point, Papa, as he is fondly called has gotten the hang of my distress, but he holds on to the staff of illiteracy as an excuse to rip off the little dignity I have left.

He smiles, and says "All this english wey you dey speak; so na shit you wan shit?, you go speak am make i understand before I go stop morto".

I comply with Papa as fast as I gulped my La Casera earlier, while the passengers murmur inaudible words about my predicament.

I get down, do my business in a small bush nearby, and we get on with our journey,
As for the passengers who looked with watered mouths earlier, now they looked with that "NA that boy wey wan shit" look.....lol.

I can hear whispers and sneers behind me but I carry my shoulders up as though I just excreted golden eggs. "Afterall who no dey shit" I say to myself.......lol..

EVERY TRAVELER'S NIGHTMARE http://noble-okonkwo..com/2015/12/every-trave