I know deep within me that my answer lies in someone who would come across my post and I am willing to bear the grunt of the insults in order to get that.
I got pregnant in school and dropped out and since then I have regretted that action almost everyday. The father of my child (we never got married, just cohabited) made my life a living hell...he is not ready to move and still does not want me to move forward...he does not work (sleeps throughout the day and flex at night), steals from me (I have to be sleeping with money tied in my wrapper), borrows and then refuses to pay back (a man threatened to beat me and the kids up if he doesn't pay), insults me in the presence of anybody even at home, never contributes towards our upkeep, never even lifts a finger and then keeps on washing me with insult almost everytime. I have been enduring but then I lost my job and now I can hardly survive. He is never around anymore and I can't even bear to look at my kids faces as my hands are tied.
My parents washed their hands off of me right from the onset (I deserve it right but I am pleading for mercy). We can't eat and I can't borrow as he has closed off all dooors in that regard. I went to the bank but I cannt meet their conditions.
I have a handiwork (skillful typist) and I just need a little capital to set up a shop to use in taking care of myself and my kids.
I am open to whatever verification you want to carry out just please help me out before I drown...

Go back home to your parents.Plead for thier forgiveness.afterall the guy hasn't married you.Go home.

hhhmmmmm....speechless

This man has parents right? What are they saying? Kids? Meaning you had more than 1 for him. Consider sending the kids to his people till you find your feet, you won't kill yourself.

I went back but my parents didn't even allow me to cross the street before chasing me back. They are really disappointed and I want to make it up to them. If I call on phone all I get is insult and mockery that sometimes I feel depressed for days afterwards am even scared of dialing their no for fear of what they would say

He has parents but they are separated. The dad has up to four wives and once when I took my kids to them because I had to do overtime at my place of work, when I got back I was sad at the state at which I met my kids (they are two boys). They completely ignored them - they looked so hungry and unkempt. I understood that the man has enough on his hands already without adding more.

wow. so sorry about your plight. wish I could help you somehow. I'm bookmarking this in case something does come up.

don't give up though, what is hot will eventually become cold.

What a sad story.

How come despite all you saw and went through, you stayed behind to have another kid with him?

What you need to do is approach a couple of elderly relatives whom your parents hold in high regard, and beg them to help you plead your case to your parents. When you get to your parents' park you pride aside, get down on both knees and earnestly grovel for forgiveness. Your parents are (understandably) very upset & disappointed in you. They invested a lot of time, effort, and money in trying to educate and bring you up properly - but you threw it all back in their faces by not only hitching up with a guy whilst unmarried, you even took it further to go ahead and birth not one, but two kids? What were you thinking?? Were you trying to prove a point to them by being rebellious? And in such a destructive way?

Anyway, the deed is done and you've got to forge ahead. It's no longer just about you, but about the two innocent boys you've brought into the world.

Once you've got your parents on your side, start rebuilding your life. Go back to school even if it's night / part-time, and look for a job to do while schooling. It won't be easy but with perseverance, you'll pull through.

Best of luck.

Thanks.
I contacted one of my dad's close friend and begged him to plead my case with my parent but it yielded no positive result, he just kept on posting me till he finally showed me where he stood on the matter. Even the other time I said I went back, I went with my aunt but still I didn't even near the door.
It has been four years but they are still hammering on why I got pregnant in the first instance. It happened and I cannot explain my action then anymore than I can do now. But I am truly sorry and I know that I have changed and become more responsible. But time seem to have frozen at that period for me in their sight and I feel that the only way to get it to move is to erase that event then probably things would go smoothly again. I am really tired of approaching them but I would still continue...

I can't say why I stayed with him and even went on to have another child for him but what I feel is that since that event, I faced a lot of rejection and since his family acceped me (as in they didn't judge me outrightly) and called me 'their wife', I got deluded into thinking that truly I was a part of them and I stayed. But there is only so much one can take and I have really had it. That is the reason why I am searching for a way out...

searchingmom:
Thanks.
I contacted one of my dad's close friend and begged him to plead my case with my parent but it yielded no positive result, he just kept on posting me till he finally showed me where he stood on the matter. Even the other time I said I went back, I went with my aunt but still I didn't even near the door.
It has been four years but they are still hammering on why I got pregnant in the first instance. It happened and I cannot explain my action then anymore than I can do now. But I am truly sorry and I know that I have changed and become more responsible. But time seem to have frozen at that period for me in their sight and I feel that the only way to get it to move is to erase that event then probably things would go smoothly again. I am really tired of approaching them but I would still continue...

I can't say why I stayed with him and even went on to have another child for him but what I feel is that since that event, I faced a lot of rejection and since his family acceped me (as in they didn't judge me outrightly) and called me 'their wife', I got deluded into thinking that truly I was a part of them and I stayed. But there is only so much one can take and I have really had it. That is the reason why I am searching for a way out...

My dear, I fully empathise with you. But I want you to realise that any help you get from Nairaland will be temporary and definitely not sustainable. How long will you continue begging strangers for money to help feed yourself and your kids? I'm sure you know this isn't sustainable.

You need something consistent and a long-term plan in place, and that's why I'll insist on you going back to your parents however hard it may be. If you have any relatives older than your parents, approach them to help plead your cause. Despite how angry they (your parents) are, I doubt they'll refuse to let an elderly relative access to their home to come see them. If any of your grandparents are alive and able to do this, they should be your first port of call.

You might also want to approach your mother first. When going to see her, take your babies along with you. They are her grandkids and she shouldn't have anything against them. Once you're able to win your mother over to your side, you're half way there. In the meantime, you just have to persevere and keep begging them.

You need a lot of support right now, and your parents should be best placed to offer this to you.

Please do not expect anything positive from your man. Such people hardly change. His dad has about 4 wives abi?


All your efforts henceforth should be channelled at improving yourself and your kids.

You just have to find a way to reconcile with your family, that's the most important move. Aside emotional supports, your family can also improve the lives of your kids and possibly help you in furthering your education.

Where are you based? Do your parents attend any church/mosque? Can you meet with the spiritual leader?

Go back and beg your parents, go with your kids, they will surely have a change of heart : either they accept you and the kids or they take in just your kids.

If that fails, go to your man's family house and stay with them regardless of whatever living conditions there.

You get easy help now, that man will come back and trust me, you'll have him back and next, you are preggie again!

You'll have to face tough times, that's the only way you'd wisen up and appreciate yourself as a woman.

Good luck.

Actually, I was given a condition for acceptance by my parents and that is I return alone - not with the kids, to them, they are not their grandchildren.
I would have agreed to that but then who would I be leaving the kids with, the father doesn't give a damn about their well being and his family don't really have room to spare for more...
I am praying that they change their mind and even if that happens I believe it would take some time but for the mean while I and my kids have to survive... I do not plan to keep on begging for help from strangers but right now I need it...
I attend rccg and so does my parents.

Op has it been long since you went to appeal to your parents?
Time does heal wounds and maybe their hearts may have softened a little at this time.

you have disappointed them and you have made them look as a failure as parents in front of their family, friends, church members and community. im sure you know how some people talk when things like this happen.

Its even more hurtful to them that you are not in a happy relationship and the man is treating you badly. Its actually the love and all the great plans and hopes for the future that they had for you that is so disappointing to them.

Something else you may want to consider is to get their pastor involved as many people listen to their pastors. Go via the pastors wife and she will speak to her husband who in turn will gather some church elders together and get them to pay your parents a visit.

You have a long way to go, however I believe that you will get there. You have learnt some very harsh lessons but what does not kill one can only make one stronger.
Right now you need the support of your family.
May God give you the wisdom. strength and the favour to overcome.
((hugs))

It shall be well

Hmmmmm.......... there are always two sides to a story

Na wa ooo.
Do not let me judge anyway.
One little mistake and our lives are damaged forever... In this short life.
We should always pray that; "Keep me safe from mistakes that will make my life take a negative turn around in Jesus name".
Go help us all.

Funny thing about life is it can also changed for the better in a second.
For me, do the following:

a) While you are hoping for help here and I hope you get, approach your church for support. If they do not support, leave the church.

b) Leave the man you are with completely (perhaps the right thing to say is to separate for a while). I am not a fan of superstition but you may need spiritual help and if you want to get it from God, it may mean that you have to free yourself totally from sin. In this case living with someone who is not married to you.

c) The skill of a typist is not really a lucrative one nowadays. Hard as that may sound, it is the truth.

d) Because of the above, why don't you just get a job and learn fashion or hair making on weekends... Or soap making, blogging, affiliate marketing, cream business, make up e.t.c

e) Get a group and join in the church or your locale. You need all the motivation you can get. Trust me you need this.

f) Get motivational books and read. It may be hard to concentrate because of what you are going through but it is imperative to know that life is tough. It requires strategies, plans and foresight and most especially an informed mind to succeed.

g) Lastly, take the bull by the horn and go and drop those kids with your parents and move out of the house and fend for yourself. Go get yourself together. Drop them in front of the door and if they are not themselves wicked, they will take them in. If they do not take them in then it explains or gives me a probable insight into why you turned out this way in the first place.

i) Lastly, I hope Nairaland and your church or family and friends and especially Jesus helps you with finance at this moment to pick yourself up the ground.

2 kids? please how old r you? and how veracious is this story?

Go back home and patch things up with your mom 1st it's only your mom that can persuade your dad, if they still refuse you then drop the kids with them stylishly and take to your heels

Where is your location? Secondly you need to leave the so called baby daddy and hustle for your future

Whatever you are able to raise you can start selling snacks, liquid soap production ETC.

There's nothing wrong with making mistakes. What's wrong is letting a mistake stay a mistake..

Shits happens but life must definitely go on..

It has happened, look for a way to get out of it, and how can you do that? You need to seek for your parents forgiveness. They'll reject you at first just as they've done. Yes, you've disappointed them, but trust me, family will always be family, they've got no choice, you're still their daughter. They'll pardon you sooner or later.

Meanwhile, for the time being, look for other petty things you can do, you can as well learn a craft; an handwork, you'll need it..

And if you wish to further your education, get to it, right your wrongs..

Thanks @all
I have picked up a lot of useful suggestions from you, time to go try them out. Hopefully I would be back to share the outcome/testimony. I am rily grateful...