My child's father is impossible to deal with. Depending on the day, he is either lamenting that I've moved on with my life or putting on a front for his wife and pretending to hate me in her presence because apparently she thinks we're still f_cking (that's his own wahala, I told him). Whatever the case, I can't talk to him about our daughter without him catching attitudes, yelling, cursing, or hanging up the phone on me-or me hanging up on him because I refuse to be yelled at. Yes, he financially provides for her, but not without a fight or argument before he does so.

It really frustrates me and I refuse to go through this problem for the next 11 years until my child turns 18. All my friends say go to child support so I don't have to deal with him but I truly loathe the courts getting in my business. Why should the courts have to tell 2 grownass people how to raise their child? Why should I be forced to perpetuate the myth that all American women "just want to get all Naija men for child support"? LOL.

Honestly, I just want for us to raise our child without constantly fighting, but it seems an impossibility because that's all he wants to do. It gets to the point where he's arguing with himself, because I'm not saying anything and he's doing all the yelling.

What's you guys take on this?

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if you can solely provide for you and your daughter financially then you might as well forget about him and the child support however, if your work cant provide for the both of you then go ahead and seek child support, and forget about what people think about being on child support what matters at last is that you are able to provide for your daughter not peoples fabricated myths about child support.

U did not get the child by yourself and you should not bear the sole support of the child. Get the support order and forget about him. The support is for your daughter's upkeep and you need to protect her inteerests. How much contact do u have to have with him. Let him have visitation. It is his right. He can exercise it if he wants and if he doesn't want to see her, that is his loss.

If you guys are fighting all the time over it then you need to have to do it. It makes no sense fighting with a man that you are not even in a relationship with. Child support is not punishment. That is his responsibility.

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chaircover:

Question is will the child support she will receive after all the allowances made for his other family be worth all the stress she will go through. Right now by her own admission they are always at each other throats which cant be too healthy for the poster and her daughter. Children are very sensitive and when mum is upset and stressed the daughter will feel some of that pain too.

I always believe that life is too short to spend stressing and rowing all the time with someone.

Yes its her right to claim child support for her daughters upkeep but if she ends up with £10 a week like a friend of mine did then what's the point?

Some women can afford to look after their kids but claim child support on principle. If she can afford it, I will say just hold out for now. Things will eventually calm down and in the long run, he will come round; they all do in the end.

£10 a week?Rofl.i wont bother to take it.
@Poster,if u can afford to take care of ur daughter,pls do so.let him walk with his money.

apparently the more you talk to him about supporting you with the child the more he develops attitude wonder why cant you ignore him like a heap of sh*t and carry on, dont be surprise God will always make a way for u.

chaircover:

If you can afford to, forget about child support and look after your kid especially as all you both do is argue each time you speak on the phone which cant be too healthy for your child.

There a lot of single mothers out there just getting on with things with or without financial help from the biological father.

There is no child support in Nigeria and single mothers do everything they can to fend for their children.

You will be killing 2 birds with one stone; firstly teaching your child the importance of work and also you are freeing yourself from this man who so very obviously has moved on with his life with a new family.

All seems unfair but you dont need added stresses in your life and if asking him for school shoe & uniform money is too much hassle then just rise above it and tell him to take a walk with his money.

Yet some people try to disparage Nigerian women.

Women who go around fighting for those things dont know how much hurt they cause themselves just because they want a few pounds a week. . . mostly it is because they want to get back at the man, not necessarily in the interest of the child.

What's the point in dragging your life backwards in order to get at someone else?

he put the child in there, he should as well take care of her, even if it is 10 dollars, and even if you have the money let him do it, he needs to taste the bitter leaf soup he cooked himself
if he doesnt want to be responsible then drag his ass to do so

chaircover:

Question is will the child support she will receive after all the allowances made for his other family be worth all the stress she will go through. Right now by her own admission they are always at each other throats which cant be too healthy for the poster and her daughter. Children are very sensitive and when mum is upset and stressed the daughter will feel some of that pain too.

I always believe that life is too short to spend stressing and rowing all the time with someone.

Yes its her right to claim child support for her daughters upkeep but if she ends up with £10 a week like a friend of mine did then what's the point?

Some women can afford to look after their kids but claim child support on principle. If she can afford it, I will say just hold out for now. Things will eventually calm down and in the long run, he will come round; they all do in the end.

every man should pay for the child however i am with you on this.

JustGood:

Women who go around fighting for those things dont know how much hurt they cause themselves just because they want a few pounds a week. . . mostly it is because they want to get back at the man, not necessarily in the interest of the child.

What's the point in dragging your life backwards in order to get at someone else?  

i know a lady who got only £3.99 weekly. we had to come in for her to get a £50 settlement. i should add she lost cos the guy had voluntarily agreed to pay £00 but she tot she could get much more from the child support agency. she believed the counsel of people who dont know how the system works. the guy's other kids and whatever he earns will be taken into consideration.  will it be worth it?

,amebo no1 link=topic=282443.msg4011066#msg4011066 date=1244712188:

he put the child in there, he should as well take care of her, even if it is 10 dollars, and even if you have the money let him do it, he needs to taste the bitter leaf soup he cooked himself.  [b]you never hear say bitter leaf they cure cancer now. very soon it will be gold dust.  some guy don get patent self[/b]
if he doesnt want to be responsible then drag his ass to do so

this is where i say the prize we pay is not worth the fight and sacrifice. is $10 - $50 really worth it? there must be a way to get things from people without a fight. she knows the guy and how to get him do things without trying. that is what i think she should do than court route.

anyway hope you and all the clan are well?

Take whatever the man has to offer.
His shouting spree is a stategy to intimidate you.
You are lucky you have a law that can support you.

Many of the Nigerian women that have been mentioned struggle to take bring up kids only to die of one ailment or the other when it is time to enjoy the fruit of their labour after exposing themselves to too much hardship, in your own case where the child is female, the mother struggles only for her to start to look for the father to come and collect 'bride price' when the daughter is ready to get married because it will never be given to someone else as long as the father is alive.

Many women out of pride say 'to hell with you' to the father of their children and go through hell to bring the kids up, only for the kids to 'discover' the dad later and think he is the best thing that ever happened to them.

ok, im not a yet a parent and i prolly wont be for a little while but there's just something (not right) about a parent or family that depends on handouts to sustain their family . . . . . . . especially if you are not physically challenged.

Now, i dont know how the welfare system works in the states, but if its similar to whats obtained in the UK then it is very likely that it would barely be enough for your upkeep.

There was research in UK a while ago. it say ones you go on welfare its very hard to let go. In other words, you are content with that piece of money you get weekly or monthly.

I dont know you at all, but most of the pple i see who depend on handouts are either lazy or they just defraud the system and in some cases both.

i would strongly suggest, you put anything and everything about child support on the back burner and look for a job. if things are so bad for you and child right now, then by all means take the support but you should set urself time to get off it as soon as possible.

OMO IBO:

ok, im not a yet a parent and i prolly wont be for a little while but there's just something (not right) about a parent or family that depends on handouts to sustain their family . . . . . . . especially if you are not physically challenged.

Now, i dont know how the welfare system works in the states, but if its similar to whats obtained in the UK then it is very likely that it would barely be enough for your upkeep.

There was research in UK a while ago. it say ones you go on welfare its very hard to let go. In other words, you are content with that piece of money you get weekly or monthly.

I dont know you at all, but most of the pple i see who depend on handouts are either lazy or they just defraud the system and in some cases both.

i would strongly suggest, you put anything and everything about child support on the back burner and look for a job. if things are so bad for you and child right now, then by all means take the support but you should set urself time to get off it as soon as possible.

Child support has nothing to do with Welfare or not.
It is a policy that if you man enough to make the baby, you shd be man enough to take care of the babies, and i think regardless of how much the woman/man is making {custodian}, the other partner should have to pay something to support the kids.
It takes any man with a 3rd leg to make babies, but a great one with a heart to look after them.
I have said this over and over again, there is a big difference btw being a father and being a daddy, anyone could be a daddy, but a brave at heart is a father.
And a real man shd not be chased after to take of his kids.

Fhemmmy:


Child support has nothing to do with Welfare or not.
It is a policy that if you man enough to make the baby, you shd be man enough to take care of the babies, and i think regardless of how much the woman/man is making {custodian}, the other partner should have to pay something to support the kids.
It takes any man with a 3rd leg to make babies, but a great one with a heart to look after them.
I have said this over and over again, there is a big difference btw being a father and being a daddy, anyone could be a daddy, but a brave at heart is a father.
And a real man shd not be chased after to take of his kids.

dude, are you serious?

isnt the welfare of a child the reason for child support?

OMO IBO:

dude, are you serious?

isnt the welfare of a child the reason for child support?

Ma'am, when i said welfare, i am not talking about well being of the kids or people, i am talking about the hands out from the govt, i am talking about the social system that pays the people that you termed "lazy" monthly something that is not enough to take care of them.
Please, note that i do agree with you, there is no reason why someone shuold sit at home doing nothing and just waiting on govt's hand out at the end of the month, and sometimes, you will see such fellas buying "uniform" for parties.

ok then. my bad! in that case we meant same thing.
but hey, im a guy.

@ poster I'm sure u know how the system works in d States. The payment u get depend on ur income vs his own income. And sometimes getting the help directly from the Govt is better cow u might be paid something that won't be enough for ur baby but u'll be expected to all u have to do cos he's supporting. Forget about what pple will say cos they might be getting g the same benefit but talk as if it's a disease if someone else do it. Custody issue might be the best tool in ur arsenal right now cos u can deny him visit and stop contact from him to d baby. If he truely cares then he'll apologize and do the right thing.

@Omo ibo
Berra learn to strap up properly, child support is not paid by the GOVERNMENT like twas already explained, but is money the Government forces the man to pay straight from his paycheque after tax and NI contribution has been deducted from his salary, and this money gets taken directly from his wages, lol.


@ Iya Kadijat

I KNOW this response is a tad late but it could benefit others, so like some people have advised, the money is for your child's upkeep, and as far as the law is concerned, your daughter is the first offspring of your ex husband and he is working so you ain't gonna be awarded a paltry derisible figure.

The Court is not gonna show him any sympathy if he has 16 other kids to feed, cos the reason you had to haul his arse to court in the first instance was cos he was trying to avoid paying.

Like i said to Omo ibo, and like i have seen it done, they get out a chalkboard, write your husband's net salary after tax, earmark a certain amount for your daughter, then allocate how they feel your ex husband should spend/manage the rest of his money e.g they might write that he should be okay with $30 per month for cigarettes (if if is a smoker) $35 for bills, $60 for food, etc.


If if pleads that he has no money left to pay some bills or meet his other needs, or take care of his second family, they will tell him to go and get a second job.

The process is so degrading for the man and can be theurapetic for the lady, but i guess they had to resort to such harsh level cos of the men's irresponsibility.

Mind you, the law is not only skewed towards helping women only, if the woman is working and the man has custody of the child and is not working, it is the woman's salary that would be subjected to the scrutiny i described above.

Spot on busy body. I know a lady that pays child support but I do not really feel sorry for her because the man has the kids most of the time and kids cost money. There was a lady on dr phil recently too who gave physical custody of the kids to her husband and of course she pays child support. That's just the way it is. You should not be able to choose if you will or will not financially care for your child.

Child support enforcement is a high priority for the United States government. . .
http://travel.state.gov/family/services/support/support_2596.html

Fhemmmy:


Child support has nothing to do with Welfare or not.
It is a policy that if you man enough to make the baby, you shd be man enough to take care of the babies, and i think regardless of how much the woman/man is making {custodian}, the other partner should have to pay something to support the kids.
It takes any man with a 3rd leg to make babies, but a great one with a heart to look after them.
I have said this over and over again, there is a big difference btw being a father and being a daddy, anyone could be a daddy, but a brave at heart is a father.
And a real man shd not be chased after to take of his kids.

Exactly. . .he's not man enough. . . . . . running away from his responsibilities.