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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poems For Review / This Boy Is Mad (1337 Views)
You Think I Am Mad. / "The Mad Man And The Seven Demons" / I Am Mad Again (2) (3) (4)
This Boy Is Mad by merit12(f): 12:04am On Jan 02, 2016 |
Are you passionate he ask Are you romantic he fired at me once more smiles filled my face as I remember how crazy he was the first time we chatted.... Marry me he wrote to me Like a mad man woken up from a sweet dream Like a speed of air in raylight Like hottest of the Sun in summer Ahhhhh I said this boy is mad His openness was loud for me to see His careful attention was like eagle searching for prey Ahhh I said this boy is mad I look at him the last time Like a soaked wool in spirit He stood with me like the visible angel guarding me Then I change my mind and say this boy is my Read and review please llaykorn and others |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by jaymejate: 12:07am On Jan 02, 2016 |
[size=15pt]not only the boy, but you also is mad I think you should stop listening to much naija music [/size] |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by merit12(f): 12:27am On Jan 02, 2016 |
jaymejate: You are like the witch that flies at night looking for the helpless ones ..... Showing how might and power you are Going in and coming out from people home What the Bleep do you think You are ? The gods ,angels,demons ? Do you think you are a better written? Do you only go into people thread and comment what you like? Are you high on some cheap drug? I need answer to all my questions like a teacher waiting for the students to rise their hands up Who the Bleep do you think you are? Answer me oh answer I knock at your door Like a desperate mother hen looking for the chick Like a hungry lion seeing the existence of a human in the past three days Like weeping parent when they lost their only child they had in thirty years of their life. What the Bleep do you think you are? Like you gave me the strength to write the poem Mind your business as the trader who borrow money from bank Like the child suffering from malnutrition. Mind your business ooo |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by jaymejate: 12:28am On Jan 02, 2016 |
merit12: Hey easy o. Just chill. And don't get yourself banned sweetheart |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by merit12(f): 12:32am On Jan 02, 2016 |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by emaculate99: 12:37am On Jan 02, 2016 |
merit12:merit12, nice piece but try to read the poem all over again. You need to correct some mistakes. |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by merit12(f): 12:39am On Jan 02, 2016 |
emaculate99: Grazie mele ....ho capito |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by emaculate99: 12:40am On Jan 02, 2016 |
merit12:I don't understand. |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by merit12(f): 12:42am On Jan 02, 2016 |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by emaculate99: 12:43am On Jan 02, 2016 |
merit12:OK but can we communicate in English? |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by merit12(f): 12:48am On Jan 02, 2016 |
emaculate99: Yes I answer to you my Lord Your command only I execute Like the supreme legend of my time Like the only eagle that fly high. Yes my Lord only you I can live with Not like the supreme GOD above But like a friend that comes at a time of need Only your language I speak. |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by E383: 12:56am On Jan 02, 2016 |
Hmmm Emaculate99 is now someones lord. . Llaykorn. |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by merit12(f): 12:58am On Jan 02, 2016 |
emaculate99: Yes I answer to you my Lord Your command only I execute Like the supreme legend of my time Like the only eagle that fly high. Yes my Lord only you I can live with Not like the supreme GOD above But like a friend that comes at a time of need Only your language I speak. You only came to my rescue When jaymejate tries to oppress me Only you my friend teach me my correction Only you look through my poem Like the mother hen protect her children from hawk As God hears the oppression of the Israelite and save them.. Yes my friend your smiles as that of a child that sees his favourite candy Your style my friend as the vision of a writer Yes my friend when I remember your name Yes my friend emaculate99 |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by emaculate99: 12:58am On Jan 02, 2016 |
E383:speechless... 1 Like |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by emaculate99: 1:02am On Jan 02, 2016 |
merit12:Seriously, am blushing here... Me? A poem? Thanks friend. Nice to meet you. |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by merit12(f): 1:14am On Jan 02, 2016 |
E383: It is unfair to enter a home without knocking It's is unfair for you to think it fair When the fair ones still thinks they are unfair. No greetings no knocking No bringing of peace in this house Like a landlord looking for the debtors As the eagles that takes the chicks without warning As the air that fill the room without notice. I still think it unfair to enter without knocking With empty hand you came Is there something fair for me Yes ...No...Maybe I guess your mind maybe. It is unfair for me to treat you this way Without knowing what prompt you in my thread Welcoming you is fair Giving you a sit and water maybe is fair I think is fair me to as you this How far nah..wetin you bring for me e383 |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by llaykorn: 11:07am On Jan 02, 2016 |
merit12: Hi Merit. 'Ask in the first line should be 'asked' since you're narrating a story from the past. And why did you decide not to put his words in quotation marks even though you wrote in direct speech? 'Filled' and 'remember' should agree. If you remembered in the past, then your face definitely filled in the past. If you're remembering in the present then your face is filling in the present too. You get that? Marry me he wrote to me I like the way you used your similes in the last three lines. A mad man woken up from a sweet dream should be angry and probably try to chase one - with speed. Is that because you felt he was too fast to propose? Your third line seems to indicate that. In your fourth line, there should be the word 'the' before 'hottest'. It would have been more correct that way. Ahhhhh I said this boy is mad In the first line, did you decide not to deliberately use an exclamation mark after 'Ahhhhh'? In the second line, I'm not exactly faulting your usage of 'loud' with 'openness', but I have a feeling that it would have been more appealing if you had decided to use with 'openness' an adjective that appeals to sight rather than hearing. Noticing openness is closer to the work of the eye than the ear - or so I think. In your last line, do you think it is correct to liken his careful attention to an eagle or to the attention of an eagle? I mean, don't you think it would sound better if you had written: "His careful attention was like an EAGLE'S (i.e was like that of an egale) searching for prey. You forgot the quotation marks in this stanza too. Ahhh I said this boy is mad I love your similes, sincerely! I think you should just have written Methylated Spirit in full to help you readers avoid confusions. 'Change' should have been 'changed' in your third line. Isn't it funny how you forgot to write your last word? Your what? With all that suspense? Are you too shy to tell us? You've written a very beautiful poem for your beloved. Merit, Is the guy black? |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by merit12(f): 12:06pm On Jan 02, 2016 |
Thanks for all the corrections Adesso sono capito tutti Lui non e Nero Lui e Blanco Pero solo amici Lui e pazzo Fidami llaykorn: |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by llaykorn: 12:09pm On Jan 02, 2016 |
merit12: Tell me, Merit. What new language are you learning? Is this Spanish? |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by merit12(f): 12:26pm On Jan 02, 2016 |
llaykorn: Soon imparlare italiano anche cosi espanol |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by merit12(f): 12:28pm On Jan 02, 2016 |
llaykorn: Were do we start from I want to learn poetry from you |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by llaykorn: 12:49pm On Jan 02, 2016 |
merit12: Hehe. Learn poetry from Shakespeare instead. |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by Qaisar1: 4:33am On Jan 05, 2016 |
merit12:Llaykorn, Orijin? (Hope you code?) |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by merit12(f): 4:37am On Jan 05, 2016 |
Qaisar1:don't you sleep?have you close from that meeting? |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by Qaisar1: 4:42am On Jan 05, 2016 |
merit12: It's you Dj! |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by merit12(f): 5:02am On Jan 05, 2016 |
Qaisar1:Yes boss |
Re: This Boy Is Mad by Qaisar1: 5:28am On Jan 05, 2016 |
merit12: we're missing you oh. |
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