OMOLUABI
By Pius Adesanmi.

“Hello, Chief, Chief, Chief, can you hear me?”
“Yes, hello, I can hear you? Who is on the line?”
“Chief emi ni o. High Chief Falae in Akure.”
“Ah, Chief Chief! E ku ojo meta o. It’s been three days o.”
“Ojo kan pelu. It’s been more than three days jare Chief. How’s Lagos? Has your Governor arrived yet?”
“Ibo lo lo to nbo de? Where did he go that he will be arriving from Chief? He is like his predecessors. Abeg, Chief, let’s forget travelers without destination and talk about better things. Roli and I planned to come and visit you after you were released by those Fulani herdsmen. We thank God for your life o.”
“Thank you jare Chief Bode. I am yet to find the mouth with which to tell my story. Yoruba land would have gone to war if anything had happened to me. Imagine Fulani hoodlums kidnapping me on my own farm in Yoruba land! A whole me!”
“Exactly, Chief. We would not have taken it at all from those yeye Fulani. Because they are now in power, they think they can behave anyhow on Yoruba soil. Buhari does not know how to treat Yoruba elder statesmen. Maybe it is because they do not have omoluabi where he comes from. Jonathan has a little omoluabi in him. I have a theory that there must have been a little trace of Yoruba blood in his great grandfather. Whereas Buhari is hounding us with his Fulani herdsmen, Jonathan invaded Yoruba land with two billion dollars during the election and did omoluabi to all the elders of the land.”
“Kai, Chief Bode, dapada! Which omoluabi is Jonathan? He is not an omoluabi o. Asiri okunrin buruku yen ti tu. That is in fact why I have called you. They have no elders where Jonathan comes from.”
“Chief Falae sir, I’m afraid you’ve lost me.”
“Chief Bode, ki ni o ye yin ninu oro mi? What is so difficult to understand in what I am saying? Have you noticed that all of us elder statesmen were shortchanged in the Dasuki business? Look at Chief Anenih, Alhaji Tanko Yakassai, and the two of us. Look at the ridiculous figures we all got. And we were even mandated to spread our own omoluabi down the chain o. Now, look at what all these small small boys got. See ordinary Iyorchia Ayu…”
“Ah, my Chief, you have a point o. E ma de tun ri yen so o. I was surprised when I heard what Iyorchia got for special consultations.”
“Chief, kekere ma tie ni ti Iyorchia. The most painful part for me was hearing what this small boy got. Ki ni won ti n pe boy amugbo yen na? What’s his name again? That boy who ran Jonathan’s campaign?”
“Chief, you mean that former Aviation Minister? The one who bought a Range Rover for…?”
“Ehen, thank you! God bless you, Chief Bode. Yes, the boy who bought a Range Rover for his girlfriend. I had initially thought that that was all he got from Jonathan o. Now I am hearing that he got far more than us, his elders. He got about N1.7 billion. And that is not counting what he said he got from private donors o. Ha, Chief, won ti je wa m’aiye! They have cheated us!”
“Chief Falae, now that you put it this way, I am getting really angry. But, unlike you, I won’t blame Jonathan sir”
“Why not, Chief George?”
“Well, Jonathan is not our son in Yoruba land. He does not understand omoluabi principles. That Range Rover boy ni mo ri ba wi. It is the fault of the Range Rover boy. He has no proper Yoruba home training. Otherwise, he would have understood that when an outsider gives him more yams than his elders, he should take the said yams to his elders and say, “my fathers, I want you to have these yams”. We would then take the yams and give him small out of it. That is the proper omoluabi way to treat elders. Instead, he lets us hear on the pages of newspapers that he got more than all of us combined. Chief, I am really worried about what the young men of nowadays are doing to our culture in Yoruba land. Our values are lost. No respect for elders.”
“In that case, what do you suggest we do, my Chief.”
“Good question, I say we summon him to a meeting at your end in Akure tomorrow and tell him to repair his omoluabi lesekese. He must address the situation at once!”
(The following day, the two Yoruba elder statesmen are in Akure. They wear mournful faces. The Range Rover boy arrives in a long convoy. He descends from his car, dressed in full Igbo war regalia. As he approaches the two elders, he is chanting “nzogbu nzogbu enyimba enyi”.)
“Hey, hey, hey, will you stop singing that Igbo war chant? Where do you think you are? What do you think you are doing? Se ori e pe sha Femi? Are you okay?”
“My Fathers, I apologize. You summoned me from the war front. I came straight from the war front because I hold you in such high esteem.”
“War front?”
“Yes sir. We are fighting for Biafra. It’s Biafra or nothing. It’s a cause we are prepared to die for. We are tired of being oppressed in Nigeria.”
“We? Biafra? You are Biafra?”
“Yes, Chief, we are oppressed. We will not take it. We will fight Buhari to a standstill”
“Ha! Ikunle o! Who did this to you, Femi? You said you were a specialist in sleeping with their women. A tie gbo yen. When did you become a specialist in fighting their battles?”
“Chief, how I chose to fight for my people is not your business. Why did you summon me here sir?”
“Well, Chief Falae and I were talking about how you Yoruba youth of nowadays have thrown away our omoluabi values.”
“How so sir?”
“We now have a rough idea of your total Dasuki haul. Laarin ara wa, between us, does it make sense to you that a small boy like you should have gotten more than your elders? We want to give you an opportunity to repair your omoluabi. Jonathan and Dasuki are not Yoruba. They can be excused for not understanding these omoluabi things. Once they gave you more yams than us, what was the proper Yoruba thing for you to do?”
“I don’t know sir?”
“You don’t know? Chief, you see now? The Yoruba youth of nowadays are ignorant of our culture. You ought to have brought your share to us, your elders, and we would have done redistribution based on age.”
“Chief Bode George."
“Yes”
“Chief Bode George”
“Yes, Femi”.
“Chief Bode George”
“Yes, Femi, mo nda e lohun. I am answering you now.”
“Thank you Daddy. E ma binu sir o, how many times did I call you?”
“Three times, Femi. You called me three times.”
“Thank you, Daddy. I want to ask you sir, is Baba Obasanjo your elder sir? Is he older than you?”
“What kind of stupid question is that? Chief Falae, can you hear this boy? Of course, Baba Obasanjo is my elder.
He is older than me.”
“Thank you sir. When you got away with N80 billion by splitting contracts at the Nigerian Ports Authority and Baba Obasanjo wanted his own share, did you take it to him for omoluabi redistribution based on age? When you do omoluabi to Baba Obasanjo from your old ports haul, I will do omoluabi to you from my Dasuki haul sir.”
“Femi, omo ale ni e! You are a bastard!”
“Wahala ti yin niyen sir. That is your own problem. I have to leave you now sir. I have to return to the war front to liberate my people from Nigeria.”
(He rises up and leaves the two stunned Yoruba elders, chanting nzogbu nzogbu to his Range Rover.)

https://mobile.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10153503187186715&id=602736714&refid=8&_ft_=qid.6238030903152289942%3Amf_story_key.5933981597557242497

So am FTC, , now wat is so special
Only if I Can get likes

Ok

Hahaha FFK is now Biafran. Range Rover boy.

E be like say you like the word Omoluabi
You must be from Osun state!

Hahahahahahaha


L W T M B



L N G K M D

Prof is a master wordsmith!!! Applaudiser!

Brilliant article!! Feels so real & imaginable!!

Pa Falae in his old age became an object of ridicule, oh God , give me enough wisdom in my dotage to know not to eat from the tree of shame & disgrace!!!

Baba ti su si aga!! What a shame!

Lol, perfect piece!!

The part where the two elders asked the Range Rover boy "who did this to you" got me ROTFL so hard my people rushed into me room thinking I was crying or something happened. Lol

Nice script for a Nigerian movie.

That spoilt brat "Rangerover boy" was well represented.

So funny

Ayt27:
E be like say you like the word Omoluabi
You must be from Osun state!

The writter is from Kogi, am from Osun, Bode is from Ondo, Fani is from Osun, Falae is from Ekiti or Ondo.
The term is that used for a well cultured fellow in yoruba land.

Yorubas will not defend treasury looters in their midst unlike some people.

DIVINE78:
Yorubas will not defend treasury looters in their midst unlike some people.

No, I think it is a vaue & cultural thing!b

I think the problem isn't about treasury looters per se, it has more to do with the get money, get money, get even more by any means necessary syndrome!!!

Even outright criminalities are hardly condemned!!

oh lala! like Pius Adesanmi like Reuben Abati. these guys are just masters.
that aside, when individual tribes refuse to defend their own that are involved in malpractices like d yorubas and hausas are currently doing, i believe this country will be great.

Moment I saw Pius Adesanmi, I knew this would make a wonderful read, so I came here to spread my mat first before reading.

Edit:

(The following day, the two Yoruba elder
statesmen are
in Akure. They wear mournful faces. The Range
Rover
boy arrives in a long convoy. He descends from
his car,
dressed in full Igbo war regalia. As he
approaches the
two elders, he is chanting “nzogbu nzogbu
enyimba
enyi”.)

“Hey, hey, hey, will you stop singing that Igbo
war
chant?

Where do you think you are? What do you
think
you are doing? Se ori e pe sha Femi? Are you
okay?”

“My Fathers, I apologize. You summoned me
from the
war front. I came straight from the war front
because I hold you in such high esteem.”

“War front?”

“Yes sir. We are fighting for Biafra. It’s Biafra or
nothing.

It’s a cause we are prepared to die for. We are
tired of
being oppressed in Nigeria.”

“We? Biafra? You are Biafra?”

“Yes, Chief, we are oppressed. We will not take
it. We will
fight Buhari to a standstill”

“Ha! Ikunle o! Who did this to you,
Femi?

ROTFLMAO!!!



Cc: Lalasticlala, please can you edit the op and move it to the fp?? Makes for very good comic relief.

Lmao.

thanks, I've done the editing.
lalasticlala, work done come oo

omenka:
Moment I saw Pius Adesanmi, I knew this would make a wonderful read, so I came here to spread my mat first before reading.

Edit:

ROTFLMAO!!!



Cc: Lalasticlala, please can you edit the op and move it to the fp?? Makes for very good comic relief.

Lmao.

Hilarious! But the Akure chief should be more concerned about the allegation of his 100m yam. Likes beget likes, birds of same feather .............

Lalasticlala why is this not on front page
The Nigerian king of satire has written and this chapter needs to be on NLs front page.

And this is funee jaree.... Tiying niyen sir" 'range Rover boy

Omo ale jati jati

The Range Rover boy arrives in a long convoy. He descends from his car, dressed in full Igbo war regalia. As he approaches the two elders, he is chanting “nzogbu nzogbu enyimba enyi”.)
“Hey, hey, hey, will you stop singing that Igbo war chant? Where do you think you are? What do you think you are doing? Se ori e pe sha Femi? Are you okay?”
“My Fathers, I apologize. You summoned me from the war front. I came straight from the war front because I hold you in such high esteem.”
“War front?”
“Yes sir. We are fighting for Biafra. It’s Biafra or nothing. It’s a cause we are prepared to die for. We are tired of being oppressed in Nigeria.”
“We? Biafra? You are Biafra?”
“Yes, Chief, we are oppressed. We will not take it. We will fight Buhari to a standstill”
“Ha! Ikunle o! Who did this to you, Femi? You said you were a specialist in sleeping with their women. A tie gbo yen. When did you become a specialist in fighting their battles?”

I haff die ooooooooooooo.

This article is fun and carries a lot of sublime messages.
It portrays the range rover boy as being unprincipled, selfish and evil. So he wants to push people to their death all because he wants to escape justice.

It indicate how gullible most of his supporters and those who support other politicians who see warmongering and hatred as the only solutions to issues.

I hope Shymm3x and his co-travellers in foolishness who insulted their lives and not mine all because of these old men are witness to what's going on.

Pius is nuts

This is epic!Expect the three chiefs to rely

DIVINE78:
Yorubas will not defend treasury looters in their midst unlike some people.

modath:
No, I think it is a vaue & cultural thing!b

I think the problem isn't about treasury looters per se, it has more to do with the get money, get money, get even more by any means necessary syndrome!!!

Even outright criminalities are hardly condemned!!

I guess you and other TRIBAL champions like you, have condemned Fashola, not so
How is HYPOCRISY defined again?



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;DMynd44, lalasticlala please help push this to FP, I don laugh tire in my car

anonimi:

Get a better approach, your catalogs did you no good in the time when it really should have, now it comes across pathetic & redundant!!!!

Also quit that tale of your continuing with his in the name of being in opposition, you are just butt hurt that your free fund stream has dried up, Pele, I empathize with you!!

Your obsession with Fashola is admirable, .... I totally get that his endorsement of Ambode was the deal breaker for that charlatan your Lagos paymasters were fronting, so you have no choice but to have so much emotional attachment to the symbol of your anguish.

Egbon Clorox, if you want the Lagoon, go and have it, all the back to back photo was an epic fail! Change ti takeover!!

modath:


Get a better approach, your catalogs did you no good in the time when it really should have, now it comes across pathetic & redundant!!!! & quit that tale of you being in opposition, you are just butt hurt that your free fund stream has dried up, Pele, i empathize with you!!

Your obsession with Fashola is admirable, .... I totally get that his endorsement of Ambode was the deal breaker for that charlatan your Lagos paymasters were fronting, so you have no choice but to have so much emotional attachment to the symbol of your anguish.

Egbon Clorox, if you want the Lagoon, go and have it, all the back to back photo was an epic fail! Change ti takeover!!

You dey try.

Meanwhile, Pius Adesanmi is truly a master of the craft. He, Reuben Abati and Azubuike Ishiekwene are my favourites. They know how to deliver punches with entertainment. Falae should never have collected that money. Just N100M!! When range rover oko awon omo pupa is chopping mega!!! Its almost like asa si.

Falae is in a dilema. Now what should he be mad at? The fact that his reputation is dented or the fact that he was shortchanged?

A masterpiece! l laugh at those who get carried away by FFK's "sudden love" for the lgbo cause.

theV0ice:




You dey try.

Meanwhile, Pius Adesanmi is truly a master of the craft. He, Reuben Abati and Azubuike Ishiekwene are my favourites. They know how to deliver punches with entertainment. Falae should never have collected that money. Just N100M!! When range rover oko awon omo pupa is chopping mega!!! Its almost like asa si.

Falae is in a dilema. Now what should he be mad at? The fact that his reputation is dented or the fact that he was shortchanged?

Pa Falae was seriously shortchanged, he should have asked for & not settled for less than 500m but probably Papa never saw the loss coming & felt more will come by way of contracts et al!! Papa miss road patapata!!

We will treat Papa"s F up on every level! Agabalagba ti O to Ile, tifunlona!


& I love love love punchlines mehn!! satires & parodies give me so much joy as well!

I so Wish to be like those guys you mentioned someday!!!

*sidebar* How a dey try?

Nice piece...

Hmmm

Beautiful piece!!