I had my first encounter with a policeman in my primary school!I was in primary three then in Lagos and we we were preparing for the usual morning prayers popularly referred to as "Assembly" when i sighted a policeman just passing by in all his glory. I must confess he looked quite impressive then, so much that i was fascinated. He caught my eyes and i caught his and yours' sincerely in all his glorious naughtiness executed an "attenshun" military style with a well oiled salute. He did not find it funny. No, he did not smile. Rather, he turned back, grabbed me by my ears and simply led me to the headmasters office where i was ordered flogged. My offence was simple, I disrespected a "force man". since then i 've always thread warily and softly around naija policeman. However the first time i got into the uk and got lost, it was a policeman i went to, who checked his map and directed me home. We chatted endlessly and he was quite humane.
Please note i have met fantastic Naija policeman and women after that particular incident though and have heard about some rather cruel policemen in the western world!

Do describe your own first ever experience with a Naija Policeman either positively or negatively!

I was on the Lagos Expressway many moons ago, and committed the potentially capital offence of being found at a police roadblock with a stack of cash,  which I had carefully hidden under my girlfriend's underwear in her suitcase, on the wrong assumption that in so doing, my stash would be beyond reach of the long harm of the law. 

The search began in the trunk of the car, and progressed into the passenger compartment of the vehicle where my attempts to pretend the bag under my feet didn't exist soon ran into the reality of that policeman's eagle eye and nose trained to detect the aroma of currency.   Negotiations began, during which my pleas that the money was intended for a motherless babies home were countered with a suggestion that I explain the matter further in the police station, on the way to which I would almost certainly have been shot, and my corpse "paraded"as an armed robbery suspect neutralized while fleeing justice.

I parted with twenty thousand naira. Praise the Lord !    In exchange for my remitted consultancy fee, the arresting officer advised me to be prompt in declaring assets at all checkpoints in the future, so as to avoid annoying delays that could result in a "misfire" of automatic weapons,  and my subsequent dispatch to make an early acquaintance with my maker.   I expressed my appreciation of the sage advice, and thus lived to tell the tale.

Jakumo:

I was on the Lagos Expressway many moons ago, and committed the potentially capital offence of being found at a police roadblock with a stack of cash, which I had carefully hidden under my girlfriend's underwear in her suitcase, on the wrong assumption that in so doing, my stash would be beyond reach of the long harm of the law.

The search began in the trunk of the car, and progressed into the passenger compartment of the vehicle where my attempts to pretend the bag under my feet didn't exist soon ran into the reality of that policeman's ealgle eye and nose trained to detect the aroma of currency. Negotiations began, during which my pleas that the money was intended for a motherless babies home were countered with a suggestion that I explain the matter further in the police station, on the way to which I would almost certainly have been shot, and my corpse "paraded"as an armed robbery suspect neutralized while fleeing justice.

I parted with twenty thousand naira. Praise the Lord !

N20 rojer would have avoided all this. . .

Oh yes, Ibime, I did comply with protocol by promptly tendering my 20 naira royalties contribution to the Police Welfare Fund, but, in retrospect, it must have been my eagerness to perform that traditional rite that must have triggered suspicion that there might be a bigger prize in reach. And so it came to pass.

My first personal encounter was when I was 16 or thereabouts.

I had recently learned how to drive and was still using a learner's permit, when I was asked to take my sisters about 2km down the road to my mum's household goods store. To drive from our home to my mum's store, you had to negotiate a particular junction that was notorious for policemen setting up ad hoc checkpoints to fleece okada riders and danfos, as well as pick on the occasional private driver without correct 'papers'.

On that fateful afternoon, I simply jumped into the rugged old camry with my sisters and drove off - no wallet, nothing (was supposed to be a quick trip). As I approached the junction, I saw Lagos' finest doing their usual shtick by the road. However, I miscalculated - i expected them to be only by the side of the road, but as I negotiated the bend after the junction, there was this idiotic sergeant standing right in the middle of the road. Naturally I swerved to avoid him and was immediately ordered to park.

Foaming at the mouth, he's shouting 'you wan kill me?' 'wey your patikulaz'. I was pissed off, this dude almost wrecked my dad's car with his bony body.   Anyways, discovering that I had no 'paticulaz' I was promptly ordered to drive the car to the station, while my sisters went on foot to call my dad. I refused to enter the station despite all the noise from sergeant and waited outside till dad arrived and paid 500 naira so I could be let go.

I guess that experience makes me an official ex-con.  

Police!! My earliest recollection of the lot was when I was quite a baby. 4 or maybe 5 years old. I only remember it cos that was the first time I saw a real gun. We were coming back from church one faithful Sunday afternoon when we were cornered by these crooks. My mum was driving us in her Mazda Station wagon. I remember them asking her for something, probably her particulars. She gave it to them from the window and they insisted she came down from the vehicle. My mum refused to come down and they threatened to arrest her. She kept her cool until one of them actually pointed the gun at her. I was so scared, infact I remember bursting into tears. That was when my mum lost her cool and decided to show them that she’s a typical bini woman.

While she was raking and screaming at the officers, I was crying uncontrollably. I don’t really know how they got to let us go, but ever since then, I’ve had such hatred for the police force.

My first real contact with Nigeria's most dreaded squad, the NPF was at Aba Road Port Harcourt.

I just completed my one year forced service to my fatherland and was waiting for my turn to 'hammer'. I was submitting one application after another, moving from office to office, until I heard of an overseas scholarship opportunity. I made enquiries and found out I had to pay a certain amount at a bank close to the 'park' area of PHC. I asked one of my brothers to drive me to the place and he agreed. Under the 'flyover' close to Abali motor park, a cab driver stopped his taxi to negotiate with a passenger and was blocking to road. After honking for abt a minute, my brother decided to take the free lane only to be stopped by one hungry looking policewoman.
Before we knew what was happening, an un-uniformed man had jumped into the back of our vehicle.

To cut a long story short, we were swarmed by both uniformed and plain clothed men who ordered us to drive down to the dreaded Moscow road den of theirs.
On our way, they collected all I had in my wallet. I almost wept cos the money in my wallet, though small, was all I could boast of 'home and abroad'. I had this anti-bribe attitude during my undergraduate years so a friend of mine made mockery of me for 'bribing' my way out of a 'trip' to Moscow road.

That day I vowed to work hard, earn good money and do all within my power to stop police oppression. I'm not there yet but I am ready to go to any judicial length to fight with any police man who dares oppress any one I know.

ThinkRait:



That day I vowed to work hard, earn good money and do all within my power to stop police oppression. I'm not there yet but I am ready to go to any judicial length to fight with any police man who dares oppress any one I know.

You speak with the supreme confidence of one whose bullet-proof juju modalities very strong and up to date.  I trust this is so.

Jakumo:

You speak with the supreme confidence of one whose bullet-proof juju modalities very strong and up to date. I trust this is so.

Jakumo:

You speak with the supreme confidence of one whose bullet-proof juju modalities very strong and up to date. I trust this is so.

The end will only come when it is destined to. Bullet or no bullet. Bullet proof or no bullet proof

LOL @Thread.
NPF. . .My first experience with the 9ja Police was when i was abt 6 or so.My dad flogged me cos i did something wrong and i decided to run to my grannies place which happens to be quite close to our house.I somehow missed my way,was picked by a good samaritan and was taken to the police station.I told the man(my name and our house address but he was just bent on taking me to the police station. . .prolly cos i was crying)
well i was taken to the police station,one fat woman officer took me to her office,gave me kpof-kpof and coke.lol.They later got my dad and made him pay thrice for the kpof-kpof and coke.
9ja police Rocks ! ! !

First and subsequent experiences , traffic violations. Bloody lights aren't regulated, and trust as i zoomed past to avoid being bashed, they came after me. I told the guy lets go to the police station like he asked, and they didn't want to go, they said they didn't want to take a female to the station and my car would be sized, they wanted cash instead ! first time it happened i refused to pay, second time i paid, third time i paid, fourth time i took the police guy for a joy ride and dumped him infront of Army secretary's office to explain what he was doing in my car. Since then i've made up my mind, no more speeding . But seriously, if you live in Abj, you'll know that those traffic lights are a nuisance! I can't even imagine the kind of tickets i'd have gotten if i were living overseas, but thank goodness i aint reckless .

I was walking home from my Jamb lesson minding my business when a policeman who was sitting in the back of an operation sweep vehicle was like. "Hey, this girl, come here"! I looked at him not believing what i had just heard and walked right on. (I could see the lust in his bloodshot eyes). In my mind i was like "oloshi". He got out of his car and pursued me on foot. :A policeman is calling you and you are just ignoring me, do you want to go to the station today? Do you know why im stopping you? Do you not hear me? The strange thing is i was not even scared, I just kept walking like he wasn't even in my ear. He just knew he wasnt going anywhere with me and he went back to his vehicle. I was lucky he didnt 'jack' me and haul me off to his filthy station on some crazy charge.

ifyalways:

LOL @Thread.
NPF. . .My first experience with the 9ja Police was when i was abt 6 or so.My dad flogged me cos i did something wrong and i decided to run to my grannies place which happens to be quite close to our house.I somehow missed my way,was picked by a good samaritan and was taken to the police station.I told the man(my name and our house address but he was just bent on taking me to the police station. . .prolly cos i was crying)
well i was taken to the police station,one fat woman officer took me to her office,gave me kpof-kpof and coke.lol.They later got my dad and made him pay thrice for the kpof-kpof and coke. 
9ja police Rocks ! ! !

Naija police!

I was tear gassed by the police when I was in primary school. The school was behind a local university and the students were protesting, what I do not know. Anyways on our way to school the Police tear gassed peaceful college students and primary school students. Imagine being tear gassed at 7 or 8 for going to school,

My first encounter with the police was quite chaotic. It was war. One evening, I was cruising to my girlfriend's place in a new Peugeot 406(privately owned), I was blasting a little not loud because my windows were locked when these policemen stopped me. They asked for my papers which I provided without questioning. One of them ordered me to stop my car CD and I questioned him why I should and that was where it started. He said I'm refusing orders from a policeman therefore they are taking me to the station. Well, it was a street and I knew there were witnesses plus I was determined not to be taken on inch out of line from where I was going.

They were 3 policemen. They asked for my keys and I bluntly refused, but that was after the guy had checked my papers and ensured it was "over" complete. I made my way back into the car and they stood in my way. I came out and told them to get off the way or I will be forced to have it rough with them. They tempted me and I just rammed the car and splashed some nice dust at the officer on my back. He hit my brand new car with his baton, I was furious and I came out --- I didn't say a word, just went right into my trunk when they came and held my jeans. I opened the trunk and brought out my "jack". I was very determined to hit them with it, I knew they wouldn't shoot because we were in the street and not a major highway. It was an ugly row and I hit one of them with it and they knew I was furious. I scared them out of my way and just hurriedly drove off the scene before they called for back-up.

My car was spotted weeks later and I was taken to the station for attacking and assaulting a policeman. I asked to see the DPO whom they declined me not to see and then I called my family lawyer who came there and worked out logistics with the DPO. They just asked me to tender an apology to the policemen, I shrugged and made the unrepentant apology and that was it.

I have had different showdowns with policemen including one where I was locked up for 9days and tell you why? I don't just don't like to give them money unless you approach me in a very very friendly manner but I make sure I'm on the right legal path before I start making a fuss

TheSeeker:

My car was spotted weeks later and I was taken to the station for attacking and assaulting a policeman. I asked to see the DPO whom they declined me not to see and then I called my family lawyer who came there and worked out logistics with the DPO. They just asked me to tender an apology to the policemen, I shrugged and made the unrepentant apology and that was it.

I have had different showdowns with policemen including one where I was locked up for 9days and tell you why? I don't just don't like to give them money unless you approach me in a very very friendly manner but I make sure I'm on the right legal path before I start making a fuss

To quote the words of Ibime earlier in this thread, a modest but timely donation to the Nigerian Police Endowment Fund would have saved you nine days in jail, and reduced your risk of being used for target practice as you triumphantly drive away from a police roadblock some day, but hey, don't let that discourage you from enjoying your pastime of engaging in man-pass-man  testosterone-fueled pissing contests with drunken, trigger-happy Nigerian policemen.   

I consider you to be one of the last true old-school action heroes of the Wild West, as you gallop your trusty iron steed down Nigeria's badland highways, impassively scanning the horizon for more police roadblocks to conquer in your trademark way.

@Topic
I can't really recollect my first but I vividly recollect my nastiest.
It was on a cold night some years ago,I was seeing a lady friend off to her apartment the next street when all of a sudden drunk policemen accosted us and began spilling rubbish.
I got angry and I pulled a call across to their D.P.O, the call didnt connect before combination of blows and kicks landed on me. I was beaten blue black while the lady escaped through the bush.
Though I got an official apology from the D.P.O the following day(with punishments meted on the officers) It couldn't erase that incident.

Jakumo:

To quote the words of Ibime earlier in this thread, a modest but timely donation to the Nigerian Police Endowment Fund would have saved you nine days in jail, and reduced your risk of being used for target practice as you triumphantly drive away from a police roadblock some day, but hey, don't let that discourage you from enjoying your pastime of engaging in man-pass-man  testosterone-fueled pissing contests with drunken, trigger-happy Nigerian policemen.   

I consider you to be one of the last true old-school action heroes of the Wild West, as you gallop your trusty iron steed down Nigeria's badland highways, impassively scanning the horizon for more police roadblocks to conquer in your trademark way.

Yes you might be right I should have offered the unappreciated "sacrifice" and a "patriotic donation" to the Nigeria Police Force Trust Fund but I'm not a big fan of that no more. When you engage policemen in a duel, ensure you're on some game yourself or death is looming.

Also, to satisfy your cat-curious mind, I am not the last of the dying old school breed, I'm a young blood, 24 to be precise but I had hatred for policemen since the day they shot my most favorite cousin and said it was an "accidental discharge".

IFELEKE:

@Topic
I can't really recollect my first but I vividly recollect my nastiest.
It was on a cold night some years ago,I was seeing a lady friend off to her apartment the next street when all of a sudden drunk policemen accosted us and began spilling rubbish.
I got angry and I pulled a call across to their D.P.O, the call didnt connect before combination of blows and kicks landed on me. I was beaten blue black while the lady escaped through the bush.
Though I got an official apology from the D.P.O the following day(with punishments meted on the officers) It couldn't erase that incident.

Ha ha ha ha I do apologize.  I know I shouldn't be laughing about your experience here, Ifeleke.    Ok  ok I calmed down now.  

Now, with regards to the beating administered to you that night, are there any philosophical lessons you can share with us regarding that memorable occasion ?   Furthermore, given the distraction caused to your attempted phone call by all those punches and kicks that were evidently quite accurate despite the combatant officer's drunken state, enquiring minds want to know what methodology can be adopted to place such emergency phone calls in similar circumstances, should they occur, God forbid.

Armchair survivalists in the house would also appreciate some more detail on the navigation technique employed by your lady friend as she fled justice into the bush on that fateful night.  Did she use a GPS unit, or did she navigate her way home through that impenetrable forest using the stars in the night sky, like mariners of old ?

Most importantly, did you ever get a second date ?

They tried to squeeze money out of my dad and uncle giving one of their usual pathetic and fabricated excuses/reasons, they got scared off after my dad pretended to be phoning the head police officer or someone like that

Jakumo:

Ha ha ha ha I do apologize. I know I shouldn't be laughing about your experience here, Ifeleke. Ok ok I calmed down now.

I've gotten over it so can laugh.

Jakumo:


Now, with regards to the beating administered to you that night, are there any philosophical lessons you can share with us regarding that memorable occasion ? Furthermore, given the distraction caused to your attempted phone call by all those punches and kicks that were evidently quite accurate despite the combatant officer's drunken state, enquiring minds want to know what methodology can be adopted to place such emergency phone calls in similar circumstances, should they occur, God forbid.

Man, the experience was humbling and humiliating.It shook my hitherto confident mien and carriage on my street to it's foundation.
I was spanked into submission in the full glare of some of my neighbours who could do nothing but watch(some with delight) as I did the rumba dance under duress.
It thought me a vital lesson, which is: never argue with drunk officers, I wouldn't have gotten it that bad if I hadn't drag it with them.
As for the call,Never call unless you are permitted to in words or actions by the poeple you are dealing with.

Jakumo:


Armchair survivalists in the house would also appreciate some more detail on the navigation technique employed by your lady friend as she fled justice into the bush on that fateful night. Did she use a GPS unit, or did she navigate her way home through that impenetrable forest using the stars in the night sky, like mariners of old ?

Most importantly, did you ever get a second date ?

Sincerely I didnt know she had bolted off, I only saw her retreating figure(as fast as lightning) while I was on the ground doing the wriggling thing.
I never got a second date because she refused vehemently and I ended up leaving the neighbourhood aftewards.

Jakumo:



I consider you to be one of the last true old-school action heroes of the Wild West, as you gallop your trusty iron steed down Nigeria's badland highways, impassively scanning the horizon for more police roadblocks to conquer in your trademark way.

hehehe ehe ehe hehe  

@Jakumo

Wow, Nigeria is really a cesspool of a country, lol. And I hear Nigerians laughing at Somalians.