Naija is on faya right now!

My good friend Brielle who went to UK for masters chose to come back to Nigeria in this climate…I just dey laff am. Her family house is in Ajaokuta Kogi State. You know kogi state is the last state you will pass before you get to hell faya. That state is hooooooot. With due respect to kogi people, you guys can’t be scared of hell now, where you are, you can see the pathway already. Brielle no smooth like Uk babe again oo, infact the heat has removed the small british accent she came back with. She dey speak strong native igala now.

Gwagwalada in Abuja is another place where the inhabitants have nine lives. The sun in gwagwalada is closer to earth than other parts of Abuja. If you stand on the roof of a 3 story building, you can do a selfie while touching the sun. The other day my dad’s friend who resides there called me. He said, ‘my son how are you, you don’t come to see us again o, hope all is well?’. I replied ‘uncle I’ m sorry, its tight work schedule’. However what I intended saying was, ‘no vex I go come for rainy season’. He is one dark looking man and me thinks its gwags sun that caused it. So I thought to my self ‘Uncle I no fit come now, black alone abeg, no remain for me'.

I think everything in my house is china product. I mean ‘fake’ product. My house AC is now like a tap of hot air. My car AC is worse than women hair drier…I just taya.

I went to Agete hotel swimming pool the other day to see if it could help. I saw like 500 people practically ‘living’ inside the pool. A pool size meant for 40 people. Nobody was swimming; they just took positions in there. Some were pinging, some having family meeting, some cooking and some watching EPL on the big screen right from the water. I stood there looking at them not knowing what to say or do, but I don’t blame them sha, cos me, I actually came to sleep inside the water.

I will not attend my village meeting in Abuja again until the heat subsides , because during the last meeting, under very intense heat, we were served bitter kola, oso oji( aligator pepper) and aromatic shnapp as first course meal, then pepper soup as second course, I did not wait for third course….my whole body system was on fire. What rubbish. In yankee where I was born :Dduring hot weather, we chew bitter kola and aligator pepper with sugar. Then when we take pepper soup, we add ice block in it.

Yesterday after our dance rehersal, we decided to hang out somewhere to ‘cool off’. A friend suggested dreams garden, we all accepted, hoping the trees will provide the needed relaxation we craved. But for where, the trees were asleep cos not a single leaf moved. We were sweating profusely by 9pm in a garden. Under that heat, one of the waiters still had the effrontery to ask me if I wanted pepper chicken or goat meat peppersoup. I told her I would appreciate ‘azu fridge’( ice fish).

I got home and wrote on my bb pm, ‘ Abuja is too hot, which state can I run to?’. I got feedback from friends in different states. Everybody told me to stay put in Abuja because it’s same situation everywhere.

As a result of all the above, I have decided to drive to Russia. I hear say sun no get levels there.

Happy sunny day..... Tuday

wait for me am coming with you. abuja can't kill me

lol....u still dey drive? I don reach russia since