I didn't exist in your world until you started reading this sentence of mine. Well, enjoy:

1)

Thanks to the Internet, you've probably seen more naked ladies than all of your ancestors combined.

2)

When Sweden is playing Denmark, it is SWE-DEN. The remaining letters, not used, is DEN-MARK.

3)

Of all the bodily functions that could be contagious, it's the yawn.

4)

Your dog doesn't know you can make mistakes. When you trip over him in the dark, he thinks you got up just to kick him in the head.

5)

"DO NOT TOUCH" would probably be a really unsettling thing to read in braille.


6)

Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

7)
Bushing your teeth is the only time you clean your skeleton


"Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning" is the human version of "Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?"

9)
Your debit card pays for things with past hours of your life, and your credit card pays with future hours of your life.

10)
In the afternoon, your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you.

11)
If universities really want to prepare secondary school students for today's job market then they should only accept students who have "at least 2-3 years university experience".

12)
No 'how I made a million dollars' books include the author starting their journey to wealth by reading a book about how to make a million dollars.

13)
When you drink alcohol because you are sad, you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow

14)
"He died doing what he loved" would be a horrible thing to say at a drug addicts funeral.

15)
Having a toddler is like being on a permanent escort mission: You follow a low AI character around, and if you're not careful enough, they'll find a way to kill themselves.

16)

The fact that Google autocompletes all of your questions is an affirmation of how unoriginal all your problems are.

17)

The first eighteen years of your life are like a free trial, and after that it's pay to play.

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