Was looking thru my husband's text messages recently only to find some interesting text message exchanges between him and some girl he claimed to have met at a club and was just checking up on her. There was also another one where he invited someone else (don't know if its the same girl cos the numbers were different) to come over to the house to keep him company and also to come with her friends and bring their swim wear, (I just returned from a trip which lasted just over 2 months). I decided to leave the text where he was just checking up on the girl he met at a club open on his BB, and when he returned to the room, he took his BB, saw the text open and deleted all his text messages (Is that not a confirmation of his guilt?).

I decided to confront him about the issue the following day as we both pretended as if nothing had happened per the text message that was open on his BB, I told him he was an unfaithful and adulterous husband and that he's been messing around. All he could say was that he was just flirting with the girls and he was not sleeping with her/ them, thats why he didn't delete the messages from his phone because he wasn't been sneaky and thats the reason he doesn't have a password on his phone, He was not apologetic or anything and I really don't know what to do. We've only been married for 2 yrs!!! Don't think I over- reacted?

Ever since you married to him, how do you see the level of his relationship with you even before you travelled?

Why would you have to go thru his text messages?
I think that is wrong too, you could just talk to him and have fun with asking him some basic questions.
I wont like my woman going thru my text messages, cos i wont do such to her.
Now back to what you can do, there is nothing much you can do, now you have just thot him how to be smarter with his $hit.
I think women have to learn to make the man feel guilty, there are some ways to make a man feel so bad that he will never wanna do that thing ever again, but by trying to play the "room cop" u just created a monster in him.
You saw a text, he deleted and you all of a sudden calling him names "adulterous and unfaithful" husband?
Good luck.

Something has gone wrong some where. i advice you to get a copy of this book ''How To Keep Your Husband Away From Extra-Marital Affair'' this book helped me a great deal; though my husband was not a flirt, he just lost interest in sex. this book taught me what to do when all i knew then failed. Good luck. www.stoptheflirts..com

@poster
i dont really know what you are looking for as you already have all the proof you needed in the text:
- has your husband ever invited girls he met in the clubs to your home while you were there?
- do you often allow your husband to flirt with girls in clubs and take their numbers? what is the aim to that?
- if the text was just a simple flirt then what would have happened if the girl decided to come over? would he have turn her away?

also there must have been something fishy already within your marriage for you to go snoop in your husband´s phone. if everything was nice and lovely, the thought wouldnt have come to your mind to do what you did.

some women even with the proof of wrondoing in front of their eyes would still not want to believe it. believe what you want to believe as you will be the one living the rest of your life with that man.

You should not be letting your hubby go to nite clubs PERIOD

Leilah:

You should not be letting your hubby go to nite clubs PERIOD

What is wrong for the man to go to a Nite Club?
I think you should have said, not to let him go alone
However, Men's nite out sometimes cant be avoided, but you just need to find a way to make the man understands how u feel.

Yeah youre dead right fhemmy i shud have clarified that. Yeah go together yeah.

There was also another one where he invited someone else (don't know if its the same girl cos the numbers were different) to come over to the house to keep him company and also to come with her friends and bring their swim wear

this is very bad.

Leilah:

Yeah youre dead right fhemmy i shud have clarified that. Yeah go together yeah.

Gooooood.
Cos there is nothing better than go and dig it with ya woman and she twist her waist and all that to turn u on, and you cant wait to get home to tear her apart.

MRbrownJAY:


also there must have been something fishy already within your marriage for you to go snoop in your husband´s phone. if everything was nice and lovely, the thought wouldnt have come to your mind to do what you did.

gbam!!!! u just hit the nail on the head with a sledge hammer !!!

@ poster,

care to talk about the real reason you read his text message?

Aproko:

@ poster,
care to talk about the real reason you read his text message?

that was my first question and yet to be answered

That's disgusting and wrong.

nothing wrong with her checking his phone, imo. She was gone for two whole months.

Sometimes a woman has intuition about these things.

He could have sounded dodgy during one of their phone conversations while she was away. She could have heard a female voice in the background.

Or she simply had the feeling (from his demeanour), something wasnt right.

That same intuition could save the guy from harm someday, who knows (if he hasnt booted himself out of the marriage by then).

Methinks you set yourself up for drama when you decided to go through your husband's text messages. I believe in the two-become-one marriage mumbo-jumbo. But frankly, I think one should still be allowed some privacy. 90% of the time, when you go looking through people's stuff behind them, you always find exactly what you are looking for, like flirty text messages to or from flirt mates,

As to what to do, PRAY, pray real hard, matter of fact, repeat after me: OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN, etc.

Seriously though, it takes God to rein in a spouse who already has his/her eyes fixed outside. In your case, I would advise that you stay focused and continue to remember the man you married as opposed to this one you have suddenly branded an "unfaithful and adulterous" husband. Continue to show him love and please, for your sake, stop reading his text messages. I know its difficult and all but you really need to resist the temptation. Pray to God and ask him to bring your husband's eyes back home. Oh, and when God answers your prayers (as he surely will) be sure that you are an eyeful for your husband, thus guaranteeing that he will never look outside again,

Good Luck

Why are some peeps asking why she went through his phone, the fact that you don't do it does not make it either wrong or right na

tpiah*:

nothing wrong with her checking his phone, imo. She was gone for two whole months.

Sometimes a woman has intuition about these things.

He could have sounded dodgy during one of their phone conversations while she was away. She could have heard a female voice in the background.

Or she simply had the feeling (from his demeanour), something wasnt right.

That same intuition could save the guy from harm someday, who knows (if he hasnt booted himself out of the marriage by then).

From what yuo have said, let us assume you were right, that means, she already have answers to the question she is asking us, that means she doesnt really trust the husband.
I see no reason why a woman shd be going thru the husband's fone, and also the man going thru the woman's fone, common, i think if u trust the person, yuo will just sit him down and talk and from he/she says, u can get answers to what you wanna know

Fhemmmy:

From what yuo have said, let us assume you were right, that means, she already have answers to the question she is asking us, that means she doesnt really trust the husband.
I see no reason why a woman shd be going thru the husband's fone, and also the man going thru the woman's fone, common, i think if u trust the person, yuo will just sit him down and talk and from he/she says, u can get answers to what you wanna know

she needed proof and it was right there on his phone.


If she goes through his phone, is it compulsory she must find something incriminating there? Why cant she go check the phone and find nothing, because the guy didnt do anything?


Pipe dream, right?



btw, either of them can check the other's phone.

It is wrong for her to look through her husband's phone. Though they are married, it is wrong. That is personal property, Privacy,

What is wrong wtih flirting?
Does she feel that when they marry, emotions his emotions will only be fore her and there will be absolutely no woman he can flirt with?

This is all bs, she is living in a fantasy world.

Nothing wrong with flirting.

@ Chaircover

Richard Branson probably has a phone installed in his bathroom

Seriously though, there is nothing wrong with going through your spouse' phone. Provided you are not doing so in a bid to confirm a suspicion. My point is that if you are checking with a view to confirming a suspicion, you will deem it confirmed even if all you found is a phone contact saved with a strange sounding name. Rather than find answers, you will only find more fuel for your suspicion, which, may unfortunately just reside in your head.

Soon you start labeling your spouse an adulterous and unfaithful husband; You become a shark at home; you begin to snarl and bark at every female you find near your husband including his relatives; everything starts to spiral out of control and you wind up a depressed, drug addicted and achoholic wife with a broken home - - -and it all started on that day you went thru his phone to verify what he was up to while he was away.

I am all for openess and transparency in a marriage. But I still think phones are off-limit especially when you already have a pre-conceived notion about what you expect to find. The question I usually ask is that when you check the phone and you find that suspicious text or phone contact on his phone, will you be willing and trusting enough to accept whatever explanation you get from your husband as the truth?

Your husband received this really hilarious joke that has been making the rounds in his office for instance and while in the bathroom, he asks you to go thru his phone to read the message. While doing that, your eye caught this other flirty sms or mms sent to him by someone whose name is saved on his phone as "Chic." You ask your husband who she is and why she sent you "that kind of sms" and he says she's this new lady in the office who seems to have the hots for him. He goes on to say off-handedly like we men always do, "forgerabourrit!!! I kept the sms to show you anyway. So thank God you have seen it" Would that explanation be good enough? Or would you lay siege on his phone from then on? Would you susddenly start questioning why he "suddenly seems so attached to his phone, taking it with him everywhere including the bathroom?" Would you suddenly begin to suspect the reason behind the fact that his phone is now "perpetually" on the "silent" profile when all that happened was that he finished late from a meeting and forgot to take the phone off silent mode? take note that some of these developments were things you wouldn't give a second thot to if you did not see that suspicious sms from "Chic."

If you know you can keep trusting in case you stumble on circumstantial evidence on his celly or lappy, then by all means, feel free to browse them. But if you cannot, abeg---for your own sake and the sake of your family, leave em phones alone.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is wrong for her to look through her husband's phone. Though they are married, it is wrong. That is [i]personal property, Privacy,

What is wrong wtih flirting?
Does she feel that when they marry, emotions his emotions will only be fore her and there will be absolutely no woman he can flirt with?

This is all bs, she is living in a fantasy world.

Nothing wrong with flirting.
[/i]
men will never change

@ Poster

He might very well have been just flirting with the girls. 99.9% of guys FLIRT, the remaining 0.1% OGLE.

If the girls responded to his advances and maybe came to ur home, would he have led them on further? Thats the question u need be worrying about.

tpiah*:

she needed proof and it was right there on his phone.
If she goes through his phone, is it compulsory she must find something incriminating there? Why cant she go check the phone and find nothing, because the guy didnt do anything?
Pipe dream, right?
btw, either of them can check the other's phone.

If she needed proof, that means the trust wasnt really there.

I dont want anyone looking thru my fone, infact, i hate it, however, i have no problem u taking my fone out for the day and answer the calls, but dont go looking for something that was never lost on my fone.

@Chaircover, my cell fone is a personal thing and there is no need snooping, if you wanna see anything, come to me and tell me yu wanna check, and not check while i am not there, to me it shows insecurity.
If the woman wanna use my fone for the day and give me hers, by all means, dont even have to ask me.
My woman sometimes, leaves me a note and gone with my fone for the day, some note like " i am u today and you are me, i love you" and i will just smile and be happy.
But going thru my fone cos she is worried about me digging some holes, then, she is looking for heart failure, cos i will intentionally send myself some hot text.