I don't know any other way to unload this burden on my mind. I know I do not deserve the good side of most of you or a pat on the back for such stupidity but please, find me an advice that can help me make the best decision.

I'm a married man with a son and I'm committed to making the best of my family. However, the company I work for took us to a worksite where we spent sixteen months starting on January 2015. We were warned that the ladies here are looking for every means to leave the place and are desperate for a man, so we should be careful

For the next eight months, I tried to stay clean. But unfortunately for me, I had sexual relationship with a certain lady from that place. From the start, I let her understand that I was married and have nothing to offer other than this companionship that will start here and end here. The relationship lasted until February this year, when my company called me to pick up new developments on our job. I later went back there and stayed for two more months when we ended our job. Then we all came back to our headquarters.

Last week, the lady called me to tell me that she is over three months pregnant. I asked her how she could have not seen her period and not tell me anything about it all these months until last week, but all that was just talk. I just confirmed that indeed she is pregnant and that the whole town knows about it now.

Initially, she planned an abortion, which I supported because I feel it will be a cheap solution, but I don't just believe my decision-making ability in this stressful times. My wife has raised some issues about the kind of privacy I use while making calls. She even looks at me somehow when I lose concentration easily in the middle of anything.

That's why I've come to you all, to help me make a reasonable decision. Please help me out. You can do it here or through email.

I really don't know what you want from us.

You know that you have a wife a son when you had unprotected sex with a lady so live with the consequences.

This is deep!!!!

#MyOpinion

Sir, I believe you should be bold enough to relay this message to your wife. I know she won't take it lightly with you but I just believe telling her the whole truth will do a lot and help save your marriage.

She will get angry and say a lot of things, even pack out of the house if possible.. But if truly she's a virtous woman, she will focus on making her home...

Dis is a serious shit u've gotten urself into

Am nt sure u r in a position to tallk abt virtues particularly ur wive's. As it stands u'l hv to confess and then take what follows like a man. Whatever happens don't bring that preggy lady into ur home

polymathic:
This is deep!!!!

#MyOpinion

Sir, I believe you should be bold enough to relay this message to your wife. I know she won't take it lightly with you but I just believe telling her the whole truth will do a lot and help save your marriage.

She will get angry and say a lot of things, even pack out of the house if possible.. But if truly she's a virtous woman, she will focus on making her home...

10/10 *Good

Your situation is a different situation. In all sincerity it is not easy for a man to stay away from his wife for sixteen months especially for a man with high sexual urge. Call you wife and open up to her, try to make her understand the situation you found yourself and that you will need her understanding and cooperation to resolve this. Then let the other lady know that you will take responsibility for the baby but you will not marry her.

Let the tables turn
Your wife preggy for another man cos she couldn't hold herself

Whoop
Whoop
Whoop


Niche chef he chef he
Muchachachacha
Kio kio kio kio kio

But its easy for the women
Especially his wife

Smh

focus7:
Your situation is a different situation. In all sincerity it is not easy for a man to stay away from his wife for sixteen months especially for a man with high sexual urge. Call you wife and open up to her, try to make her understand the situation you found yourself and that you will need her understanding and cooperation to resolve this. Then let the other lady know that you will take responsibility for the baby but you will not marry her.

What can I say? A very common scenario. You are not the first and not the last and we all make "mistakes".

If I were you, I would sit my wife down and tell her ALL about it.

How much do my name cost in the pharmacy store? You messed up man.

polymathic:
This is deep!!!!

#MyOpinion

Sir, I believe you should be bold enough to relay this message to your wife. I know she won't take it lightly with you but I just believe telling her the whole truth will do a lot and help save your marriage.

She will get angry and say a lot of things, even pack out of the house if possible.. But if truly she's a virtous woman, she will focus on making her home...

What exactly do you mean by the bolded? Who's a virtuous woman? .. will you say same to a man if tables were turned?

Op is the one you're supposed to be preaching to about making his home and mending fences. .

Op, you have to tell your wife...you can't hide it for long esp as a baby is involved. .. Sincerely plead to her and ask for forgiveness. .. Together you can plan a way forward, HOPEFULLY. ...

PresVA:
What exactly do you mean by the bolded? Who's a virtuous woman? .. will you say same to a man if tables were turned?

Op is the one you're supposed to be preaching to about making his home and mending fences. .

Op, you have to tell your wife...you can't hide it for long esp as a baby is involved. .. Sincerely plead to her and ask for forgiveness. .. Together you can plan a way forward, HOPEFULLY. ...

If its a man, I'll say you act as a just man and keep it away from the public.... I believe two people who are in love should always expect the worst and learn to forgive each other... #PerfectLove #Forgiveness

Hmmmmmm, men if these days. Man up and tell your wife since you allowed your joystick to control
The poor woman must have been praying for her husband day i day out for Gods protection not knowing he was on another mission
Mtcheeeeeee

as much as what is done is DONE, you must now ACT RIGHT.... so, confess to your wife, and you both should decide on what to do from that day forward (about that pregnancy) TOGETHER.

if it was me, as i know it is a simple case of entrapment, i would tell this lady that i will help her for her basic needs until the baby is born, then we will have a DNA test, and if i am indeed the father then she will also get BASIC help for the baby... she will have to get herself a JOB when baby is old enough to go to kindergarden, and she stays there with that kid, as it is cheaper maintenance. no more contact with baby mama, unless needed. when baby is old enough, he/she can come over spend holidays (Xmas etc) with me. BASTA!

Vale22:
I don't know any other way to unload this burden on my mind. I know I do not deserve the good side of most of you or a pat on the back for such stupidity but please, find me an advice that can help me make the best decision.

I'm a married man with a son and I'm committed to making the best of my family. However, the company I work for took us to a worksite where we spent sixteen months starting on January 2015. We were warned that the ladies here are looking for every means to leave the place and are desperate for a man, so we should be careful

For the next eight months, I tried to stay clean. But unfortunately for me, I had sexual relationship with a certain lady from that place. From the start, I let her understand that I was married and have nothing to offer other than this companionship that will start here and end here. The relationship lasted until February this year, when my company called me to pick up new developments on our job. I later went back there and stayed for two more months when we ended our job. Then we all came back to our headquarters.

Last week, the lady called me to tell me that she is over three months pregnant. I asked her how she could have not seen her period and not tell me anything about it all these months until last week, but all that was just talk. I just confirmed that indeed she is pregnant and that the whole town knows about it now.

Initially, she planned an abortion, which I supported because I feel it will be a cheap solution, but I don't just believe my decision-making ability in this stressful times. My wife has raised some issues about the kind of privacy I use while making calls. She even looks at me somehow when I lose concentration easily in the middle of anything.

That's why I've come to you all, to help me make a reasonable decision. Please help me out. You can do it here or through email.

Oga, how certain are you that you're the one responsible?
I know why I'm asking cos I'm familiar with situations like this.

In my line of work, we call girls like this bush meat - meaning, indigens or locales of the town/community a project is being executed.

Under no account are you supposed to have sexual relations with a bush meat unless you can completely trust that she'll have no ulterior motives (this is a risk though).

The truth is that it's going to be hard for you to prove anything because it won't matter if you used a condom or if you did not, all anyone will be asking you is "you do abi you no do?".

You either totally reject the pregnancy and face the music, or accept it codedly and wait till she puts to bed so you can have a DNA test...you might still end up facing a different kind of music.

I don't support you telling your wife this for now until you're sure the baby is yours - it's gonna break her heart knowing you cheated, and destroy her even more knowing that the person you cheated with is pregnant.

PresVA:
What exactly do you mean by the bolded? Who's a virtuous woman? .. will you say same to a man if tables were turned?

Op is the one you're supposed to be preaching to about making his home and mending fences. .

Op, you have to tell your wife...you can't hide it for long esp as a baby is involved. .. Sincerely plead to her and ask for forgiveness. .. Together you can plan a way forward, HOPEFULLY. ...

I wonder o. I noticed that virtuous bit. Yet without meaning to sound sexist the post still suggested the poor wife is still gonna be blamed for the man' indiscretion. If she decides she can't handle his poo, she becomes "unvirtuous".

polymathic:
If its a man, I'll say you act as a just man and keep it away from the public.... I believe two people who are in love should always expect the worst and learn to forgive each other... #PerfectLove #Forgiveness

Would you be talking about 'love ' if the wife slept with a another man#hypocrisy

Dyt:


But its easy for the women
Especially his wife

Smh

It might not be easy for the wife but the deed has been done the marriage must be saved. Or do you now suggest the woman to quite? Cutting off the head is not the solution to a headache ok.

focus7:
It might not be easy for the wife but the deed has been done the marriage must be saved. Or do you now suggest the woman to quite? Cutting off the head is not the solution to a headache ok.

The painful part is the double standard of this cheating of a thing.
What if it is the wife What will be the advice Chase her away and divorce her abruptly, huh, bro


Oga op, deny deny deny until the evidence becomes too overwhelming for you to deny.

I don't understand. . . Are condoms extinct in that location?

So you were too weak to control yourself and too irresponsible to use protection.

If I were your wife I will never forgive you. You must be very selfish and weak and is liable to repeat this in the future.

Women learn to walk away from infidelity; there's is no higher mockery of the institution of marriage than a man sleeping with another woman without thinking of safety for his wife.

What if this lady told you she was HIV positive and asks you to get tested? Did you even think of how that will affect your wife and kids?

I don't just get men of these days. . .

And someone is talking of virtuous woman. Mtcheeeeeew!!

TheArchangel:
The painful part is the double standard of this cheating of a thing.
What if it is the wife What will be the advice Chase her away and divorce her abruptly, huh, bro


Oga op, deny deny deny until the evidence becomes too overwhelming for you to deny.

I've told my husband that the day he cheats on me, he should be rest assured that I will pay back in the same coin. . . The marriage must have been dead anyway but at least I will get my revenge.

The double standard only exits for those who accept it. I refuse to be boxed into that corner and for me when it comes to cheating, what is good for the goose is good for the gander!

I only pity men who think it's 'fairly acceptable ' for them to cheat and an abomination for their wives to do same. Such men might be living with an ashewo disguised as a virtuous woman!

How many stories have we seen on these anonymous blogs of women sleeping with their neighbours, husband's friends, husband's brother, ex boyfriend e.t.c.

The reality is that women cheat as much as men but women are subtle by nature and will surely hide it better.

Such irrational double standard will not make women not to cheat, it will make them better at hiding it. The earlier men realize this the better for them.

crackhaus:

Oga, how certain are you that you're the one responsible?
I know why I'm asking cos I'm familiar with situations like this.

In my line of work, we call girls like this bush meat - meaning, indigens or locales of the town/community a project is being executed.

Under no account are you supposed to have sexual relations with a bush meat unless you can completely trust that she'll have no ulterior motives (this is a risk though).

The truth is that it's going to be hard for you to prove anything because it won't matter if you used a condom or if you did not, all anyone will be asking you is "you do abi you no do?".

You either totally reject the pregnancy and face the music, or accept it codedly and wait till she puts to bed so you can have a DNA test...you might still end up facing a different kind of music.

I don't support you telling your wife this for now until you're sure the baby is yours - it's gonna break her heart knowing you cheated, and destroy her even more knowing that the person you cheated with is pregnant.

Very sensible post . . .

Unfortunately OP is past that. If he used a condom, he would even reject the pregnancy outrightly and face the consequences. The fact that he is giving this woman audience means he neglected to used protection. . . Several times!!!

Our people say 'ife na aso uso na egbu egbu. . .'

Interpreters do the needful

Anyways, Mr OP, the deed has been done.
Let your wife know.
If she decides to forgive you or not, accept it in good faith.
My own advice is that do a DNA test on the child when born and if it's yours you have a responsibility towards that child whether you hate it's mother or not.
That child must feel your presence as a father in its life. Feeding allowance for the child must be regular, when the time comes school fees must be regular, and when he's a bit older holidays with your family should be regular.
If your wife decides to leave you after your mess up, you must also still continue to be regular in providing for your child with your wife.
If she forgives you and at any point also errs in the marriage, you should also learn to forgive her.

What a dilemma. I will advice you go for DNA test first before making any other decision. I wanted to blast you but remembered that we all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect but in your case, I think there's an unresolved issue between you and your wife. Please, try and fix that. As for what to do in your current situation, my dear, you have got to make the decisions yourself, but before embarking on one, make sure is gonna come out good.

Good luck!

TheArchangel:
The painful part is the double standard of this cheating of a thing.
What if it is the wife What will be the advice Chase her away and divorce her abruptly, huh, bro


Oga op, deny deny deny until the evidence becomes too overwhelming for you to deny.

My sister it is unfortunate that our society has turned our women to victims of marital misfortunes, I can understand your grouse but I suggest that we should work towards saving this marriage.

crackhaus:

Oga, how certain are you that you're the one responsible?
I know why I'm asking cos I'm familiar with situations like this.

In my line of work, we call girls like this bush meat - meaning, indigens or locales of the town/community a project is being executed.
Under no account are you supposed to have sexual relations with a bush meat unless you can completely trust that she'll have no ulterior motives (this is a risk though).

Bush meat re-defined.

The truth is that it's going to be hard for you to prove anything because it won't matter if you used a condom or if you did not, all anyone will be asking you is "you do abi you no do?".

You either totally reject the pregnancy and face the music, or accept it codedly and wait till she puts to bed so you can have a DNA test...you might still end up facing a different kind of music.

I don't support you telling your wife this for now until you're sure the baby is yours - it's gonna break her heart knowing you cheated, and destroy her even more knowing that the person you cheated with is pregnant.

You are right here. He should first make sure that the child is actually his before dragging his wife into the drama BUT you should also tell him how to keep it away from his wife as she is already suspicious. He is chickening out and acting like a suspect. It is a matter of time before she finds it out on her own.

usecondom:
How much do my name cost in the pharmacy store? You messed up man.

since you are bold enough to have a fling,without using condom,you should be bold enough to face the consequence by telling your wife.

you arent even afraid of contracting an STD. bro,you dont love your life,and your family.

fem29:


Would you be talking about 'love ' if the wife slept with a another man#hypocrisy

Most definitely... As there are different faces, so also is different views on all issues of life.. Not every human is a hypocrit!!!

If my man knocks up another girl, I would prefer to hear it FIRST from him. That's the only way I can ever forgive him and we'd arrive at any solution.

OP, it's hard but you've got to tell your wife.

Thanks to you all. I'll tell her about it today, and let you all know how it went. I'm very grateful for your support.