Life of a Nigerian Teenage Christian
Scene 1
My friend Emperor came to my place yesterday and asked if I would go to church on Sunday. I replied with the affirmative because I was keen on going to church after being absent in church since January.

EMPEROR: Comet Howfar na, shebi we go enter church tomorrow?

ME: Yeah, I suppose enter o, I never enter church this year and I know say God go dey vex gan.

EMPEROR: You suppose enter, you suppose enter, na wetin you dey talk everytime but finally you no go come enter again. Why your life dey like this sef?

ME: (smiling) No worry we go enter, just prepare come make we go together.

EMPEROR: No wahala na, I go show tomorrow.

Scene 2
10AM, Sunday morning.

ME: Presido howfa na?

PRESIDO: I dey o, you no go church today?

ME: I go go second service by 12. You Nko?

PRESIDO: Nna eh, my clothes are rumpled, you know say light no dey.

ME: Same story every Sunday Oga Presido. Nawa for you oh

PRESIDO: So nobody for this hostel go church? Chai

(both laughing as Emperor hurriedly walks in)
EMPEROR: Oboy nawa for you oh you never prepare?

ME: Ah Ah, I no know say you mean am say you wan go church.

EMPEROR: Go prepare jor make we go.

ME: See guy, I no get change for offering, na only 100# I hold.

EMPEROR: NO worry e go do, just prepare make we dey go first.

SCENE 3
In the church
(Sitting)

EMPEROR: Chai, see fine fine girls

ME: Even the the ushers sef dress like models. So this kind church dey na em I come dey miss church since eh?

EMPEROR: jesus, see that girl dress like say na party em go, why person go wear bangle for leg come church? Chai, some people can dress to kill.

Pastor: Offering time! Bring out something tangible that you wanna give to the Lord.

ME: Emperor na 20 box remain for my money after calculating transport oh but I go put am like that.

Emperor: Me too oh, I go put am like that.
ME: Ok na.

EMPEROR: Oboy, their offering box dey transparent, how I go take put 20 box there na. Chai I don cast. i go put 50 box instead we go trek go house.

ME: Na you sabi oh. Me na 20# I dey put there.
(After the offering)

EMPEROR: Comet I for put that 20 box o, no body been dey look sef.
Now we go come trek go back house. Phew.
(After the Service)

ME: How many numbers you collect na?

EMPEROR: Just four oh, this church make sense die, the girls na confirm.
ME: So how today go be na?

EMPEROR: There is a birthday party coming up later this evening

ME: Oya na, I go arrange the girls, you go arrange weed.

EMPEROR: No shit na. First make go see those new catch, to see if we go collect na.

ME: (laughing) So after going to church you still wan collect eh, dis guy. Chia, Christians of nowadays. Oya na Make we dey go na.

U try. Low live youths with weed. Guys don't smoke these days o na girls takeover smoking.