Dear Doctor,

Until now, i have not been able to find words to describe my ailment which I've been challenged with since childhood.
It means this will be the first time I am actually telling anyone in one word "my predicament" so I can be understood.

I would be 33 by November, but i feel like i have the brain of a 20 year old. My brain hasn't grown with me. It has just
being dragging along, forcing me to live an unexciting life . One that I am not particularly excited about.It lacks spice and
any form of flavour

Boring, monotonous, quiet, detached and withdrawn, friendless, slow thinking, fearful, prone to anxiety attacks, irritable stomach, mild depression, very weak nerves, inarticulate (can't express my self and state of mind) attention deficit, cant stay away from food, very low
memory span, learning my native language has being a difficult task not to talk of other Nigerian language which I've had the
opportunities to learn, inability to be motivated by anything (not even money can, and i'm very serious about this), highly introverted
or should I say chronic introvert. I find it difficult to deliver on a task. In fact it would take anyone courage to charge with with a big responsibility. Name it, just about anything negative, that has been my reality since childhood.

I can't compete at any thing no matter the level. My brain just drags along, too slow for spontaneity required by any form of competition.
I am also very slow and weak at learning. Name and face recognition has always being a very big challenge for me.

What have I tried or Done to Help Myself

After my Secondary Schooling it became imperative to me that i had to find solution for my self else i wouldn't fit as important in society.
The internet was still very new at that time in Nigeria. So i had Just about anything ingestible that seem to give me any form of relief especially to my nerves or brain as my only source of experimenting.

I've tried garlic, colanuts, weed (this one nearly maimed me, I ODied it) Cigarettes (Smoke and Chewing the tobacco) Alcohol, herbs, just about any drug that i observed had the slightest effect on my nerves i took until it started feeling dangerous to continue... I mean i was predisposed to just about anything. At this time I had no clue what it is was that was my predicament and to make the matter no less better i couldn' t explian what it was since it also took my ability to put words together at an instant and spontaneous and impromptu.

I've tried Brainwave entrainment
I've always being very emotional and most R&B tracks get to me deep, However Sometime in 2006 I noticed that some tracks from Brandy's full moon did something to my brain when i listened to it with an earpiece. I ouldn't tell wghat it was but yea i kept on listening to those particular tracks. Then i discovered Binaural Beats, and for the first time i began to have clue what it was i was going through. It changed my life.

In those early times i started listening to Binaural beats, it felt like my brain which was previously bound with chain or rope for a very longtime was now being released free of the bind. And it did bring me lots of joy. I had projected that my predicament would be over soon enough. Fast forward several years later and many different recordings tried, but i still am not there yet. Don't get me wrong, they did their work to get me out of the bind but not actually to help the brain start learning new things to care and grow for itself. It was like treating a symptom until its gone but the main causative agent still resides. At this point I still don't have a name of what it was was my condition, although i had gathered lots of bits of information from the internet.

Dopamine Deficiency
I started taking coffee again recently after having stopped it after i graduated from the university. It led me to start searching on the internet what exactly coffee or caffeine does to the brain. My search led me to neurotransmitters like Dopamine and Serotonin. A quick search for Dopamine deficiency syndrome revealed to me the magic word i had being searching for all my life. Every Symptom listed as a consequence for Dopamine deficiency i related to extremely well.. All of them.. That was me. That was meee.!! Chai. I also related well to Serotonin deficiency especially the irritable bowel and anxieties.

It was suggested online on most article i read that Dopamine and Serotonin Supplements can be used as treatment for people like me. At this point, I would really like to know how to lay my hands on One, let me see how far it takes me and hopefully that would end my search.

Thank you.


Final Notes and Twist- My Birth Situation

I want to add a little more info don't know how it relates to this whole situation i'm experiencing.

Like i said i almost got my self killed sometime in 2003 when i tried weed. I over dosed it. in-fact i was lucky had i had more wraps i would have consumed it. What i didn't know prior to taking the weed was that it acted slow unlike alcohol or any other type of stimulant so my thinking after consuming the first wrap, 5 mins later no effect, i consumed the other 1. it wasn't until 1hr later that the story became different. i was practically gone only grace brought me back. it took years before i could recover fully from that experience, at a point i became psychotic i was afraid of everyone and anything.

Anyway that's not the little thing i wanted to add. My Dad was completely furious and lost control that the situation almost killed him. He couldn't believe it. The truth is he probably had reasoned that peer pressure led me to that decision but that was far from the reason. till date non of my family members know the actual reason i had to ingest 2 wraps of weed that nearly blew my brain fuse. This i have hereforth explained.

At a mid night meeting my dad called for his sons, after every said he added that when i was given birth to, i showed a strange sign which when he asked elders (Remember he was still a young man then) what it meant they told him it meant 1 of two things (That's according to them) its either the child is special and has brought Goodluck and would be very great or Badluck and would amount to nothing, completely useless. That usually in the olden days children born showing such signs were usually thrown away because of the uncertainty of their fate. but in modern times things are different, children are gift from God and may probably mean nothing. Well he didn't say what it was anyway, so this stucked with me for several years and i concluded that that was the reason i was the way i was clearly heading to the latter.

My Disappointment

This was in 2003. It took until 2013 (10 years later when i was able to summon courage to ask him what he meant by what he had said that faithful night. well he told me. and boy i was disappointed. To be honest what my dad told was n't any different than twin birth. yes it's not that common but its occurrence can't be attached to any form of superstition) it wasn't to me a big deal. i had to look it up online and find out it was not a rarity, yes uncommon but not rare. and there were no strange reports on babies that showed up with the same situation as mine. I've largely dismissed all that, but i still have this situation and it gets me thinking if that sign could actually be a signal to my future ill cognitive health which i currently face.

Thanks again for your time.

Go and see a medical doctor please, instead of googling up diseases and syndromes for your self

thesicilian:
Go and see a medical doctor please, instead of googling up diseases and syndromes for your self

Thank you Sir. That I will.

Please note that before now expressing myself on this predicament had been difficult. Until now i didn't know all the symptoms i was experiencing were connected to one ill situation.

Now that i have a word to describe it, it has become relatively easy to talk about it to any one. They could easily check it up if they're not clear on my description.

Help Dr. Please.

Well your doctor can prescribe you SSRIs ...if you like that sort of thing