The Pregnant Husband (Final Testament)
The last 6 months of this year had been draining, both emotionally, financially and definitely physically especially the last 2 months of my wife’s pregnancy. Those who have been following this write up will be quick to guess that the physical exhaustion angle of the pregnancy has to do with doing more than half of the house chores, including sweeping the house every morning before going to the office – ‘my wife said the doctor said not to bend anymore’, so am left with no options. Well I can breathe with relief now because : ladies and gentle men, boys and girls my madam just delivered a ‘ bouncing baby girl’
Well, I am giddy with excitement and embarrassingly happy like I wrote on my face book page, more importantly my mind is now rested, safely, madam has put to bed.
Most men will tell you that when their wife is pregnant all sort of things go through their mind, and the prayer is intense, especially for societal reactions. God forbids your wife loses her life while delivering or she lost the baby, ‘a lose-lose situation’ either of those is, and this is not talking about the questions her family will raise. Did he use her for ritual? Did he send her to the best hospital? They can even sue you to court, asking that you be hanged! This especially happens when the couple comes from different ethnic background like my own case. So people, join me in praising God. I smile more often now in the office, that I was told by colleagues and I was told I look younger, happiness is a tonic that sweetens a man’s faces my friend. I am crazily happy because of the scare my once big tummy wife gave me just three weeks back- I was shook like water lily and sweated like a cold bottle of drink.
We went to visit my parents at her insistent on a Sunday, then what started like a joke about her waist line ended us up at the hospital. First she smiled saying she would not be able to climb out of the car, then she started whimpering and giving out this pain sound that sends my heart shuddering. She held her tommy tightly and went down on her knees. Okay, I can forget the embarrassment of a few spectators who were watching and murmuring millions of un-solicited ‘sorrys’ but I can forget the look of pain on her face, I almost promised I wont get her pregnant again. We were there right in front of my parent’s house and we couldn’t go in, they had to come out, and then we sped to the hospital, I drove like I had never done all my life. When we got to the hospital, I was so worked up that I screamed at the doctor because I felt he was kind of dragging his feet. Well the funny thing was madam refused to born, and I stayed at the hospital with her till Monday morning- it was a wild goose chase. I wanted to be angry with her because at that point the only thing ticking on my head was ‘SHE GAVE FALSE ALARM’ I was so drained.
To say that at work I snap at practically everything would be an understatement, I was so edgy. Actually the doctor said, they will watch till day break, okay she didn’t deliver so they ‘up it ‘ before night of Monday- so I just pace up and down the office waiting for the call- MR. KESHINRO YOUR WIFE JUST DELIEVERD . At a point I just sat behind my desk and put my head on it, she did not deliver for another week!
When my wife said she wanted her mother to come and stay with us for the time being, my suspicion antenna reared up, is there something wrong with her she is hiding? Since the last time she said the doctor told her that the cord is too low (whatever that means) and that it is a dangerous situation and she saw the look on my face, I knew she would not be telling me things like ‘dangerous’ again. Mama came to stay with us, then her leg started getting swollen, we were asked to take strolls every day and that got to me, is there something wrong. Any time I wake in the middle of the night, madam is awake, either in pain or just looking forlorn, SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG THEY ARE NOT TELLING ME.
So Sunday night again when madam said ‘honey I think am in labour’ I warned her that I was not ready for another wild goose chase, I even said ’you better born today’ funny as it may sound. Once again we set for the hospital with all the oh! Yea!, and guess what they said again we should wait. I was ready to crack! But madam helped me out, at exactly 3.20 am on Tuesday while I pace the hospital hall, she gave me my baby girl, who immediately started on a siren kind of crying with vexation.
I was so happy and I couldn’t control myself, I hugged all the nurses who kept looking at me like something else was wrong. I was told my madam was so brave inside the labour room, and that my baby came squinting at the light first, then screamed at the doctors and nurses for looking at her and not jumping into the action of cutting the cord and cleaning her ASAP with her siren shrieking cry. I tasted one of the happiest day of a man’s life.
So right now the naming ceremony is the thing for me, and am I preparing. I yet to come up with a name though, suggestions? Something grandiose!
Already my baby is sucking with rage, and during the night she would wake us up every 30 minutes. Am actually thinking of re locating to another room- just joking! I love the way my baby looks at me…like ‘young man are you my father?’ Her few seconds concentration of watching my face thrills and warms my heart, then she slowly closes her eyes and sleep.
So ladies and gentleman, boys and girls I am inviting you to my little princess naming. Of course its Ramadan, but rice and stew will be plenty after 7 pm when we break the fast. So for the men whose wives are still pregnant, I say persevere, and by his grace you will write a testament of un- alloyed happiness.