[b][/b] first of all, i'm sorry if this is the wrong section to post this. Apologies to the moderators

..........



[b]1.

On a particularly very sunny Friday, Firefire was sitting at home lamenting the economic situation of the country. It has been days since he had eaten a good meal. The enzymes in his stomach had no choice but to embark upon a compulsory dry fasting. Chai, it wasn’t easy.

He heard a knock on his door

“Who dey dia?”

“Its me” came the reply

“Your papa no gif u name wen dem born u abi?” Firefire hissed his question

“I have a name, i'm brother DDeliverer”

“Ehen wetin u want”

“I’m a jehovah’s witness……..”

“Nobody dey house” Mr. Firefire countered

“But…..but we’ve been talking” the voice outside protested

“I say nobody dey house, u no get ear ni, oya come dey go!”

The Jehovah witness guy had no choice but to walk away since the owner of the house wasn’t interested. Minutes later, another knock, heavy knock came again

“The kind thunder wey go fire you ehn….” Firefire screamed from inside

“Fire who? Abeg come open door jare na me Omenka”

Firefire reluctantly got up for it was his friend who has been around the neighbourhood for a while

“Guy why u dey sweat like dis?” he asked Omenka

“Sweat? You dey call dis one sweat? You neva see sweat”

Omenka removed his shirt and laid on the single six sprint bed. Firefire could literally see his ribs bare as if they were going to break out

“chai, Omenks, you escape Holocost ni?”

“na hunger o”

“chai, you sef?”
“Ehen me sef----abeg food dey dis house?”

“My brother even water sef no dey”

“And you are still here your mates are out there hustling buying Camries, mtchewww”

“Wetin you dey cheewww, better go back ur country sef before I report mek dem come deport you”

Both of them were hungry and fed up with the propaganda the national media houses keep chunking out now and then. Like everyone else, they haven’t seen the statistics on paper real since the ordinary man in the slumbs cannot be assured of “our daily bread”. Even the churches were affected by the dwindling economy as evidenced in offerings and tithes. It had become very rare to see people “sowing seeds” now and then during worship services and weddings too had become rare.

“How your girlfriend LadyF asked Omenka

“dat one don run away tey tey she talk say no be to suffer her mama born am” he informed

“shebi I warn you before”

“Warn ko warm ni, she don waka go back minna”

They talked about their misfortunes for a while

“my aunty, Beremx tell me say TonyeBarcanista the CNPP presidential candidate for Edo election dey give people free food o” Omenka informed

“na for disable and old people na, me sef hear dat one”

“abegi, Firefire, if you no want d package me dey go form epilepsy collect aleast one mudu of garri”

“epilepsy ko electricity ni, guy no try dat one, Mazi HungerBAD try dat one fail”

“d thing na luck na”

“shey na me dey tell u. you never hear say dat woman weh get sharp eyes dey dia abi?”

“which woman, guy?”

“Modath”

“chai. No wonder HungerBAD failed. Dat woman fit see fake sickness wallai. She go just disgrace person”

“before nko?”

“mek I just continue my black market fuel business”

“good, if not na pikin weh you fit born go wan bath you for market”

“abi o. mek I go watch Chelsea match”

“Chelsea still dey exist ni?”

“no, na slow motion I dey go watch, idiot”

“for London?

“No, na for Warri”

“dey go, ” Firefire dismissed him

“Blues for life, true Chelsea fan”

“Fan ko AC ni, oya dey go”[/b]

It wasn’t just these guys in the neighbourhood that were experiencing this hard time, the average youth in the country all round was not finding it reggae and blues.


[i][/i]to be continued

**** Note: this satire is a pure work of fiction and is not in any way intended to insult or disrespect any of the mentioned persons. If anyone finds it offensive, kindly notify me.

How dare you cook soup without me redo.il

Redoil:
How dare you cook soup without me redo.il

Lol, sorry sir
The boy sent to buy claimed you were too expensive

Oya come an continu

Milonis:



Lol, sorry sir
The boy sent to buy claimed you were too expensive

how? Na buhari cause am

Redoil:
how? Na buhari cause am

Lolzzz

Milonis:
[b][/b] first of all, i'm sorry if this is the wrong section to post this. Apologies to the moderators

..........



[b]1.

On a particularly very sunny Friday, Firefire was sitting at home lamenting the economic situation of the country. It has been days since he had eaten a good meal. The enzymes in his stomach had no choice but to embark upon a compulsory dry fasting. Chai, it wasn’t easy.

He heard a knock on his door

“Who dey dia?”

“Its me” came the reply

“Your papa no gif u name wen dem born u abi?” Firefire hissed his question

“I have a name, i'm brother DDeliverer”

“Ehen wetin u want”

“I’m a jehovah’s witness……..”

“Nobody dey house” Mr. Firefire countered

“But…..but we’ve been talking” the voice outside protested

“I say nobody dey house, u no get ear ni, oya come dey go!”

The Jehovah witness guy had no choice but to walk away since the owner of the house wasn’t interested. Minutes later, another knock, heavy knock came again

“The kind thunder wey go fire you ehn….” Firefire screamed from inside

“Fire who? Abeg come open door jare na me Omenka”

Firefire reluctantly got up for it was his friend who has been around the neighbourhood for a while

“Guy why u dey sweat like dis?” he asked Omenka

“Sweat? You dey call dis one sweat? You neva see sweat”

Omenka removed his shirt and laid on the single six sprint bed. Firefire could literally see his ribs bare as if they were going to break out

“chai, Omenks, you escape Holocost ni?”

“na hunger o”

“chai, you sef?”
“Ehen me sef----abeg food dey dis house?”

“My brother even water sef no dey”

“And you are still here your mates are out there hustling buying Camries, mtchewww”

“Wetin you dey cheewww, better go back ur country sef before I report mek dem come deport you”

Both of them were hungry and fed up with the propaganda the national media houses keep chunking out now and then. Like everyone else, they haven’t seen the statistics on paper real since the ordinary man in the slumbs cannot be assured of “our daily bread”. Even the churches were affected by the dwindling economy as evidenced in offerings and tithes. It had become very rare to see people “sowing seeds” now and then during worship services and weddings too had become rare.

“How your girlfriend LadyF asked Omenka

“dat one don run away tey tey she talk say no be to suffer her mama born am” he informed

“shebi I warn you before”

“Warn ko warm ni, she don waka go back minna”

They talked about their misfortunes for a while

“my aunty, Beremx tell me say TonyeBarcanista the CNPP presidential candidate for Edo election dey give people free food o” Omenka informed

“na for disable and old people na, me sef hear dat one”

“abegi, Firefire, if you no want d package me dey go form epilepsy collect aleast one mudu of garri”

“epilepsy ko electricity ni, guy no try dat one, Mazi HungerBAD try dat one fail”

“d thing na luck na”

“shey na me dey tell u. you never hear say dat woman weh get sharp eyes dey dia abi?”

“which woman, guy?”

“Modath”

“chai. No wonder HungerBAD failed. Dat woman fit see fake sickness wallai. She go just disgrace person”

“before nko?”

“mek I just continue my black market fuel business”

“good, if not na pikin weh you fit born go wan bath you for market”

“abi o. mek I go watch Chelsea match”

“Chelsea still dey exist ni?”

“no, na slow motion I dey go watch, idiot”

“for London?

“No, na for Warri”

“dey go, ” Firefire dismissed him

“Blues for life, true Chelsea fan”

“Fan ko AC ni, oya dey go”[/b]

It wasn’t just these guys in the neighbourhood that were experiencing this hard time, the average youth in the country all round was not finding it reggae and blues.


[i][/i]to be continued

**** Note: this satire is a pure work of fiction and is not in any way intended to insult or disrespect any of the mentioned persons. If anyone finds it offensive, kindly notify me.

Rotflmao!! Guy u don mad finish @ escape holocaust.

Firefire, oya come here come defend yourself.
nice one Op!

“abegi, Firefire, if you no want d package me dey go form epilepsy collect aleast one
mudu of garri”

“epilepsy ko electricity ni, guy no try dat
one, Mazi HungerBAD try dat one fail”

“d thing na luck na”

Rotflmao!! This niccur don finish me!! Me form epilepsy kwa.

Think I need a drink, tthis is an upper cut.

this is hilarious!

omenka:
Rotflmao!! This niccur don finish me!! Me form epilepsy kwa.

Think I need a drink, tthis is an upper cut.

that part you quoted has got me laughing out loud

Lol

unbelievable...


Honestly, na true talk... getting food to eat now is becoming world cup tournament.

Beremx:
Firefire, oya come here come defend yourself.

nice one Op!

No comment, make I go find wetin me & my family go eat dis evening.

Beremx:
that part you quoted has got me laughing out loud

Dude's got no love for me at all.

Firefire:


unbelievable...


Honestly, na true talk... getting food to eat now is becoming world cup tournament.

Why so serious? Lost sense of humour alongside PDP's loss of political stock ?

Trust you to come rain hailstorm on the parade....


Milonis

Nice one, keep it coming..

Lwtmb
It can only be fictitious

modath:


Why so serious? Lost sense of humour alongside PDP's loss of political stock ?

Trust you to come rain hailstorm on the parade....


Milonis

Nice one, keep it coming..

Mo, Kini se temi ti re?

U better go kontinue your fake sickness identification job for d disables in Edo.

Firefire:


Mo, Kini se temi ti re?

U better go kontinue your fake sickness identification job for d disables in Edo.

.... Mehn the guy nor nice to Mo at all...


P.S... I won't troll you if you don't form "patriotic" , deal?

omenka:
Rotflmao!! Guy u don mad finish @ escape holocaust.

Lol, brother...forgive me
Lolzzz
I will continue o

989900E:
#creative

Thanks

LieDetector:
Lwtmb

It can only be fictitious

Lolzz keep laughing

modath:


.... Mehn the guy nor nice to Mo at all...


P.S... I won't troll you if you don't form "patriotic" , deal?

Ee mo lutu pe be, mo ri emo lode, mo ri ori Ologbo laa'te.

Me form patriot? I am patriotic and fully committed to the Nigeria project.

So talk another thing...

Firefire:


unbelievable...


Honestly, na true talk... getting food to eat now is becoming world cup tournament.

Lol serious world cup

Milonis:

Lol, brother...forgive me Lolzzz I will continue o

Abeg give us tory jor- nothing do you!!

omenka:
Rotflmao!! This niccur don finish me!! Me form epilepsy kwa.

Think I need a drink, tthis is an upper cut.

Modath, bring first aid please
Lol

Milonis:


Lol, brother...forgive me
Lolzzz
I will continue o

Let me know once you are through, if your piece pass, your efforts would be appreciated. Deal!

Nice one.

Good luck.

2.
(Contd frm one):

Few hours later, Omenka returned looking very upset- Firefire was washing with a piece of slim-almost broken-‘canoe’ soap which he most probably got courtesy of their bootilicious neighbor, Sinaj

“Guy, pesin beat you for road ni?” He asked Omenka

“Chelsea lost again” Omenka replied seating down

“mtchewww dat one na new thing? I for surprise if you say una win”

“Bad belle”

“park well joor”

“you no go understand. Imagine say dem go beat Chelsea for pre- season o”

“hah, Kwara United go beat una hands down dis season mah no lie u”

“gerraaahia men!”

They were still talking that game, debating and all that when a group of three elegantly dressed, most probably church officials, strolled up to them

“greetings in the name of Jehovah” They chorused a greeting but Jim and Firefire remained quiet

“brothers”, the leader of the group repeated” we are greeting”

“we get ears na” Omenka retorted

Firefire rinsed his hands and gathered his oversized singlet that was fast becoming like a brazillian bikini as he made to enter the one room apartment

“excuse me bro” the church guy called after him

“you!” Firefire replied hotly” shey I tell you say mek u no come back nah in you go carry your General Overseer and mama General Overseer come abi?”

“No, brother. The last time I was here, you didn’t even allowed me give you what I brought for you”

At the mentioned of the phrase “What I brought for you” Firefire’s eyes glowed and Omenka scratched his bears.

“and wetin be dat?” he still asked

“oh, its something refreshing to the soul, an eternal refreshment”

“ehen, oya now- show us the way!” Omenka urged with excitement and interest

The leader of the group motioned to the only lady in the group who came forward with a big black bag and began opening it. At that point, Omenka was already fantasizing the quantity of food he will gallop.

“wetin be dis?” Firefire frowned when he saw the lady bringing out tracks and pamphlets instead of take-away packs of juicy coconut rice

“Na meal ticket be dat?” Omenka added with a more pronounced frown

“this is more” The lady preceeded to explain” it contains messages of salvation, of paradise”

“how dat one come settle the crises weh dey our belle now?”

“Mtchewww” Omenka hissed

“spiritual food, brother…….”

“see bone dat one” Omenka interrupted” we no be spirits. Spiritual food for spirits and ancestors, pounded yam and Edikaikon or egusi for the physical. As you dey take eye look us now, we resemble spirit?”

“that’s not what I’m saying…..”

“oya mek una dey waka dey go” Firefire ordered lokking at the light skinned chubby lady who looked more like a jew than a Calabar lady
“Yes, no come here again” Jim added” Mary Magdelene”

“my name is not Mary Magdelene, my name is Viviangist” she corrected them

“Viviangist ko Vuvuzela ni, no just come back here” he emphasized

It wasn’t the guys fault, that period was the “wrongest” time to share the gospel with hungry guys, let alone journalists who no doubt no longer find it funny that the “Pen is mightier than the sword” in fact, as it stood, the “Pot is mightier than the radio”


To be continued

2.
(Contd frm one):

Few hours later, Omenka returned looking very upset- Firefire was washing with a piece of slim-almost broken-‘canoe’ soap which he most probably got courtesy of their bootilicious neighbor, Sinaj

“Guy, pesin beat you for road ni?” He asked Omenka

“Chelsea lost again” Omenka replied seating down

“mtchewww dat one na new thing? I for surprise if you say una win”

“Bad belle”

“park well joor”

“you no go understand. Imagine say dem go beat Chelsea for pre- season o”

“hah, Kwara United go beat una hands down dis season mah no lie u”

“gerraaahia men!”

They were still talking that game, debating and all that when a group of three elegantly dressed, most probably church officials, strolled up to them

“greetings in the name of Jehovah” They chorused a greeting but Jim and Firefire remained quiet

“brothers”, the leader of the group repeated” we are greeting”

“we get ears na” Omenka retorted

Firefire rinsed his hands and gathered his oversized singlet that was fast becoming like a brazillian bikini as he made to enter the one room apartment

“excuse me bro” the church guy called after him

“you!” Firefire replied hotly” shey I tell you say mek u no come back nah in you go carry your General Overseer and mama General Overseer come abi?”

“No, brother. The last time I was here, you didn’t even allowed me give you what I brought for you”

At the mentioned of the phrase “What I brought for you” Firefire’s eyes glowed and Omenka scratched his bears.

“and wetin be dat?” he still asked

“oh, its something refreshing to the soul, an eternal refreshment”

“ehen, oya now- show us the way!” Omenka urged with excitement and interest

The leader of the group motioned to the only lady in the group who came forward with a big black bag and began opening it. At that point, Omenka was already fantasizing the quantity of food he will gallop.

“wetin be dis?” Firefire frowned when he saw the lady bringing out tracks and pamphlets instead of take-away packs of juicy coconut rice

“Na meal ticket be dat?” Omenka added with a more pronounced frown

“this is more” The lady preceeded to explain” it contains messages of salvation, of paradise”

“how dat one come settle the crises weh dey our belle now?”

“Mtchewww” Omenka hissed

“spiritual food, brother…….”

“see bone dat one” Omenka interrupted” we no be spirits. Spiritual food for spirits and ancestors, pounded yam and Edikaikon or egusi for the physical. As you dey take eye look us now, we resemble spirit?”

“that’s not what I’m saying…..”

“oya mek una dey waka dey go” Firefire ordered lokking at the light skinned chubby lady who looked more like a jew than a Calabar lady
“Yes, no come here again” Jim added” Mary Magdelene”

“my name is not Mary Magdelene, my name is Viviangist” she corrected them

“Viviangist ko Vuvuzela ni, no just come back here” he emphasized

It wasn’t the guys fault, that period was the “wrongest” time to share the gospel with hungry guys, let alone graduates who no doubt no longer find it funny that the “Pen is mightier than the sword” in fact, as it stood, the “Pot is mightier than the radio”


To be continued

Firefire:



Let me know once you are through, if your piece pass, your efforts would be appreciated. Deal!

Nice one.

Good luck.

Thank you, keep reading

Ok