By Dare Oluyi

The issue of mother-in-law and their interference with a couple’s marriage has been the subject of ridicules and crisis at homes. There are couples who doesn’t have enough time for each other, because one of them feel guilty if she doesn’t spend at least every other evening with her lonely mother or because the family drops in at every possible time. We hear of husbands who still compare everything their wife’s does with the way his mother used to do it. Or of couples whose marriage is essentially run by one of the spouses’ parents who make all the important decisions. The stories go on and on, and many marriage is in severe problems because in-laws intrude between the couple.

The following are the ways to handle an overbearing mother-in-law:

HOW TO HANDLE AN OVERBEARING MOTHER-IN-LAW

1. Complete leaving: Some people experience that the real allegiance of their spouse is not with them but with her parents and siblings. For her, family (of origin) comes first and he gets what is left. In this case, the spouse hasn’t completed the leaving process that is a prerequisite for becoming one with her partner.
For a marriage to work, the spouse needs to loosen her ties with the family of origin and forge new ones with the new family she is creating through marriage. This doesn’t mean that she can’t have a close relationship with their extended families, but she needs to set proper boundaries with them to make sure that her spouse (apart from God) has topmost priority in her life.

2. Financial freedom: Some couples have gotten used to receiving financial support from one of the spouse’s parents. They have supported them to get started, bailed them out in a financially troublesome situation, gave them a generous gift here and there and after a while this became a habit. As a result, the financial decisions of the couple are essentially made by the parents.

What happens here is that one spouse or both are not adults yet as far as finances are concerned. They have not learned to say no to wishes that they cannot afford or are just plain irresponsible and thus constantly in trouble. To become mature adults, they have to learn financial responsibility that is live within their means, being content with what they can afford, and paying for their own failures.


3. Give her some nice and reasonable treat: To deal positively with an over-bearing mother-in-law, always giving her some nice treats on her birthday, mother’s day, Easter celebration, Christmas and New year celebration and even her wedding Anniversary or Husband’s remembrance as the case may be.



4. Avoid conflict and seek peace: As the book of Romans 12: 18 says; if it be possible, as much as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (AMP). The Bible encourages us to try every possible means to avoid conflict, confrontation and crisis but maintain peace especially with mother-in-law. There is no point in picking a fight over every little thing your in-law does, when her irritating habits or remarks are avoidable, try to let them roll off your back. Respond honestly and with great simplicity to every word, even if the words are hurting. Read Proverbs 15: 1 – A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stir up anger.


5. Accept your Mother-in-law as She is: Don’t try to change her personality because you cannot change her, you can only win her to your side by your actions, reactions, character, responsibilities and Prayers. Know that you can’t control your mother-in-law’s behavior but you can set limits on how her behavior affects you. http://bisiadewale.com/2016/08/how-to-handle-an-overbearing-mother-in-law/