BOOK REVIEW: Mavi S. Isibor’s The Art of Refinement


By Olalekan Adigun

I commend the writer and publisher of this wonderful book, The Art of Refinement, for their acute understanding of times and seasons. Asides the book being the first I have ever read on the question of manners, public poises and etiquettes, written by a Nigerian and by extension, an African, it has my endorsement – it is well-written.

More than ever before, the country needs people with good manners, young men of valour and poise, women of virtue and confidence, to populate our public space and entrench decorum in everything we say and do.

With indecorous acts such as fighting in public, littering the environment, and employing irreverent ways and mannerisms as tools for expression, taking their toll on several spheres of the society, including the National Assembly, the book could not have been written at a better time than now.

Essentially, it addresses the dearth of matters concerning etiquette, noticeable among Nigerians and non-Nigerians alike. The call for values and decorum clarification, especially in our political and corporate circles have largely gone unheeded, hence Mavi Isibor’s book provides the economic importance and benefits of having refined minds to promote the country’s brand.

The Art of Refinement is beautifully divided into six parts each addressing its own unique theme.

Part one deals with the essential topic of the book, Refinement. The author does her best to define refinement and the value of a refined person. She posits that a refined person is conscious of boundaries, that is, they know what to do and when to do them per time.

They do not settle for less. They always strive for excellence.

The “Ko Mean” (it doesn’t matter) syndrome which makes people just accept anything in the name of “managing” is defined by the author as “an attitude of complete and absolute disregard for excellence.

Whenever you accept a bad job from the mechanic and excuse his ignorance, you accept that it is okay to be ill-treated. (p. 25)

Part two deals with adjustments we must make to become really refined personalities. It is no surprise that this part is the longest section because it contains practical tips and steps we need to take deliberately to become truly refined personalities. Our attitudes, actions, attentions, relationships (with same or opposite sex; in office or social gatherings); in public or private and the likes are addressed in this section.

Mavi cites examples like peeing and fighting in public; which cannot be classified as civilized actions. She also maintains that fighting in public is not only demeaning, but a show of disrespect for oneself. She says: “The truth is that a show of physical strength in public is a gross display of lack of decorum, self-dignity and self-discipline; not to mention the fact that it is outright dangerous. Fighting in public is a complete no!”

She continues: “Nobody, including your wife for whom you are fighting respects anyone who leaves his dignity shredded on the ground. You lose respect from everyone, most especially from people who do not know why you went into a fight in the first place.” (p. 75)

Part three deals with our speech, communication, and the way we relate with people through words. The author advises us to maintain decorum in speech always. She insists on us putting our brain to work before putting our mouths into gear. Decorum in speaking can save us most of the time, just like the opposite is also true. As the author writes: “Our words reveal our refinement; they reveal the quality of our upbringing, the environment we grew up in, the type of school we attended and the quality of our education, the company we have kept and our values.” (p. 161)

The book also advises us to always avoid “toxic communication” or speaking when we are angry. It covers tactful ways of conversing with others without bringing up offences in them. The courtesy of official and casual conversations are addressed in this section.

Part four focuses on speech delivery and conversations. Your means or manner of communication shows how much class you have. Learning a language is important, but if we must speak in that language we must learn the correct pronunciations, not just the grammar, so as not to be misunderstood.

In part five, Mavi addresses the question of appearance as a determinant of a person’s character and personality. This section contains advice on how to dress for different occasions. What to wear; how to wear what you wear and several of such questions are answered in this section.

The book covers social gathering and the rules that govern it in part six. A well-planned event can be marred by a poorly chosen master of ceremonies (MC), Mavi says. It can be embarrassing if one does not know how to hold the fork and knife or how to put down the cutleries to show that one is no longer eating or flagging the stewards to collect the plates. It also contains general rules governing protocols for public events, not just at social gatherings.

The Art of Refinement will serve as a great companion to you. It will also be a treasured companion to a business owner in relating with his/her employees or anyone who places premium value on decorum and etiquettes. Politicians and all those in public office are not left out.

Everyone who values personal branding should get a copy of this book. It is a stepping stone to personal achievement and greatness.


Kaka: AC Milan will return to the top of world football


The Brazilian star won the Ballon d’Or during his stint at San Siro but says the club have to go step by step back to the summit – just like Juventus once did.

It has been a difficult period for AC Milan but club icon Kaka is confident the struggling Italian giants will return to the top of world football.

Kaka enjoyed his best football in Milan, leading the way as the club won Serie A, Champions League, UEFA Super Cup and Club World Cup glory in his first spell at San Siro from 2003 to 2009.

The World Cup winner – who returned to Milan in 2013-14 after a four-year stint with Real Madrid – also claimed the 2007 Ballon d’Or thanks to his exploits with the 18-time Italian champions.

However, Milan have declined badly since winning the Scudetto in 2011, having gone from runners-up in 2012, to third, eighth, 10th and seventh last season.

It is a situation that hurts Kaka but the 34-year-old – now captain of MLS outfit Orlando City – has backed Milan to work their way back into contention under Vincenzo Montella.

“I had very good moments there, I saw Milan at the top of the world, and to see the team like this now, it’s sad,” Kaka told Omnisport.

“They’re still a big club with a great history. Of course the history doesn’t go on the field but when you have history like this, it is just a period, so they can come back and be the best in the world.

“I think in a few years we will see Milan fighting for the Champions League again and winning Serie A. I’m sure Milan can do this again.”

Kaka played his second spell at Milan under Clarence Seedorf, but turmoil has never been far away in the intervening period, with Filippo Inzaghi, Sinisa Mihajlovic and Cristian Brocchi all taking the reins since.

With reported long-term coaching target Montella now in place, as well as potential investment from a Chinese consortium, Kaka believes it could be a winning combination.

“I think he [Montella] is the man. It’s not easy. I don’t know how the Chinese will handle it but I think they will make some changes,” Kaka continued. “I hope these changes will take Milan to the top again.”

Montella arrived in Milan after a forgettable 2015-16 season, which saw the club finish seventh, ending the campaign 34 points adrift of five-time defending champions Juventus.

And if Milan want to return to the summit of Italian and world football, Kaka believes his former team must take a leaf out of Juve’s book.

The Turin powerhouse bounced back from second-tier football in 2007, rebuilding from the ground up to eventually dominate Serie A.

“In my opinion, Milan have to understand that in this moment they have to go step by step,” he added as Milan prepare to open their league campaign at home to Torino on Sunday.

“The first step will be qualifying for Europe again and playing Europa League and Champions League, because the favourites again are Juventus. They are doing very well and have a very good team.

We saw Juve playing Serie B a few years ago and they took advantage of that to build the team again and build a new stadium. After that, they made the Champions League final and they have continued to win Serie A. It’s a good example for Italian teams to follow.”



Pogba NOT as good as John Obi Mikel – Parker


The former Manchester United defender believes the France international is not on the same level as the Chelsea man in terms of breaking up play in a holding midfield role.

Ex-Manchester United defender Paul Parker has questioned where Paul Pogba will fit in at Old Trafford, arguing John Obi Mikel is a better holding midfielder than the France star.

Pogba recently became the world’s most expensive player when moving to United from Serie A champions Juventus for £93.8m on a five-year deal.

The 23-year-old is set to make his first appearance for United since leaving them in 2012 against Southampton in the Premier League on Friday, but it remains to be seen which position he will operate in.

Pogba was used as an anchoring midfielder for France at Euro 2016 but Parker does not believe he is good enough in the role.

“Can he be as good as Roy Keane or Bryan Robson? I wonder about him playing that midfield role,” said Parker, speaking exclusively to 888Sport.

“I worry about him making tackles and getting across to close players down because he is rangy. He doesn’t have quick feet and his game is about going to ground. That’s going to be a problem.

“In a holding position it would be a waste because he’s not a Makelele or even a John Obi Mikel because one thing Mikel can do is close people down. Pogba can get forward, and score goals, and pass the ball but in a high-tempo game he won’t be very good in a deep role.

“We saw that in the Euros where he looked lost for long periods of games when France didn’t have the ball. So when United don’t have the ball what’s he going to be like? Fellaini can’t do that either. Or Rooney. They can’t get around. Behind Ibrahimovic and Martial there will be changes because there is no way that midfield can last.”

Parker, who won two league titles with United, also reckons the club are “embarrassed” to have spent so much to land Pogba.

He added: “If United had signed Messi for a hundred million not many would have complained. The same with Ronaldo who scores goals and has a presence that scares teams.

“With Pogba you do wonder when you look at his style of play for Juventus can he play that way for Manchester United? Where is he going to play? It would be a waste if it’s in a holding role. If he plays behind Ibrahimovic that puts Wayne Rooney in doubt and Rooney has to play – not that he deserves a place but they have to play him. So it’s a difficult situation.

“I think United in certain quarters are quite embarrassed by how much they’ve had to pay for him but did he do enough in his three seasons at Juventus to warrant that fee? The answer is no, not at all and you have to wonder why Real Madrid disappeared very quickly. They don’t get out-bid.”



Madonna celebrates 58th birthday


Madonna celebrated her 58th birthday Tuesday in Havana, dancing to Cuban beats during a night on the town and drawing crowds as she toured the city.

The Material Girl’s visit got a write-up in the Cuban Communist party’s official newspaper, Granma, which reported that she “toured different city squares to start the first day of her visit, which will last until Wednesday.”

It said the US pop superstar was in Cuba with her eldest daughter, Lourdes, a 19-year-old model whose father is Cuban dancer and fitness trainer Carlos Leon.

American photographer Steven Klein and stylists B. Akerlund and Andy Lecompte are travelling with them, it said.

Madonna posted a picture of herself to her Twitter account with the caption “Cuba Libre.” It shows her wearing a revealing black dress with yellow flowers and smiling as she tips a black hat.

Videos posted online by fans show her dressed in the same outfit strolling through the streets of Old Havana and dancing to Cuban beats at a restaurant in the historic city center as onlookers cheer.

The news site Cubadebate said Madonna was planning a “big party” Tuesday with the “rhythms and flavors” of Cuba.

Madonna is the latest in a string of US celebrities to visit Cuba since its historic rapprochement with long-time enemy the United States was announced in December 2014.

Leonardo DiCaprio, Beyonce, Jay-Z, Katy Perry, Kanye West, Usher, Paris Hilton, and Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian have all toured the Caribbean island recently.

US citizens are still officially banned from travelling to Cuba as tourists under the embargo Washington has maintained on Havana since the 1960s.

But President Barack Obama’s administration has loosened travel restrictions, enabling more Americans to make the trip under permitted categories such as “cultural exchanges.”



Justin Bieber deletes Instagram account


In the 1970s, an angry, maligned rock star would throw his television out of his hotel window, but Justin Bieber has gone for the millennial-style nuclear option — deleting his Instagram account.

The baby-faced Canadian musician, 22, committed online hara-kiri after becoming upset by a barrage of negative comments about his new friendship with Sofia Richie.

The pair have been pictured stepping out together several times in recent weeks, amid a frenzy of rumors linking them romantically.

Reacting to insults posted by fans alongside pictures of the 17-year-old model — singer Lionel Richie’s daughter — Bieber told his 77 million followers: “I’m gonna make my Instagram private if you guys don’t stop the hate.

“This is getting out of hand, if you guys are really fans you wouldn’t be so mean to people that I like.”

But the millionaire singer appears to have gone a step further, as clicking on links to his Instagram page now yields an error message.

Fellow singer Selena Gomez, Bieber’s former girlfriend, took the opportunity to twist the knife before the account was deleted.

“If you can’t handle the hate then stop posting pictures of your girlfriend lol — it should be special between you two only,” the 24-year-old posted.

“Don’t be mad at your fans. They love you. They were there for you before anyone.”

“It’s funny to see people that used me for attention and still try to point the finger this way. Sad. All love,” Bieber countered.

“Funny how the ones that cheated multiple times, are pointing the finger at the ones that were forgiving and supportive, no wonder fans are mad. Sad. All love,” Gomez retaliated.

Bieber is the latest in a series of celebrities dealing with abuse on social media by closing their accounts.

Actress and comedian Leslie Jones quit Twitter temporarily in June — devastated by a torrent of racist and sexist abuse aimed at her by trolls.

Bieber recently shut his Snapchat account too, and announced in May that he would no longer be taking pictures with fans in public.

“It has gotten to the point that people won’t even say hi to me or recognize me as a human,” he wrote on Instagram.

“I feel like a zoo animal, and I wanna be able to keep my sanity.”

Bieber and Gomez dated for almost two years from January 2011, but spilt up citing busy schedules.

Some fans interpreted “Sorry,” from Bieber’s album “Purpose,” which came out in November last year, as a message from the former child star to Gomez.

Bieber has had a string of legal run-ins for incidents including throwing eggs at a neighbor’s house, driving under the influence of alcohol without a license and allegedly assaulting a photographer.



Johnny Depp, Amber Heard end 18-month marriage


Amber Heard and Johnny Depp have reached an out-of-court settlement to end their 18-month marriage, they said Tuesday, after the actress withdrew allegations that her husband physically abused her.

Heard filed papers to withdraw her claims of abuse, dropping an application to extend a restraining order against the Oscar-nominated actor, Los Angeles Superior Court said in a statement.

“Our relationship was intensely passionate and at times volatile, but always bound by love,” Depp and Heard said in a statement.

“Neither party has made false accusations for financial gains. There was never an intent of physical or emotional harm. Amber wishes the best for Johnny in the future.”

The statement said Heard would be donating financial proceeds from the divorce to a charity.

The two have agreed that Depp will pay Heard $7 million, according to entertainment news website TMZ.

The announcement comes a day before the pair were due in court to discuss extending Depp’s restraining order. It brings to an end an acrimonious and bitter three months of accusations and counterclaims.

Heard dismissed the case with prejudice, according to TMZ, which means she cannot refile it.

The 30-year-old initially filed for divorce from Depp, 53, in May and subsequently obtained a restraining order that requires the “Pirates of the Caribbean” star to stay away from her.

She made a police statement accusing Depp of domestic violence, saying she had endured “years of physical and psychological” abuse.

She subsequently appeared in court with a black eye that she said was the result of Depp hurling a cell phone at her face.

The former couple met on the set of the 2011 film “The Rum Diary,” when the actor was still in a relationship with French actress Vanessa Paradis, mother of his son Jack and daughter Lily-Rose.

They married in February last year.