- You find your mouth making promises your body can't keep.
- You look both ways before crossing a room.
- You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays, "
- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
- No one expects you to run into a burning building.
- People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Things you buy now won't wear out.
- Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
- You can eat dinner at 4pm.
- You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
- You have a party and the neighbours don't even realise it.
- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
- You sing along with the elevator music.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.