By Anne Uruegi Agi
Away from Naija wahala. This Angelina Jolie eh, her image launderers must be the stuff of legends! Everywhere I look I see articles about 'the women helping Angelina through her split with Brad Pitt' or 'Jolie being consoled by Johnny Depp after the split' etc etc. And she's the one doing the divorcing! Abeg in all of this, who is consoling dear Brad? He's the one getting the boot after all. And Angelina 'haf' 'kidnap' their 'shuldren'. Know ye now all men that I am offering to 'epp' dear dear Brad through this difficult, difficult time. (TeamJenny park one side, he has divorce Jenifa siiince, make we hear word). Anyways as I was saying, dear Brad, pls come and vacation in Nigeria, I undertake to help you forget Angelina. But when coming ditch every trace of a beard and that long hair (if you still have it), I don't do beard gangs and long hair. You want to come and be resembling Jesus Christ? Only HE has the monopoly of long hair you hear? Who knows whether that's why madam moved out! Ehen, as I was saying, pls come to Nigeria let me 'epp you forgerabout it! Are you worried about the kids! Forgerabout it. The boys must find their papa when dem grow, no be ya name dem carry? The girls go find you when time reach for Ada Ada wedding you hear? As for that ya 'dota' who's posing as a boy, bring her here, we will lay hands on her, and the evil spirit will 'Si n'ime ya puo'. Then that one that was standing in the middle when you and mummy were yelling at each other, just bring him too, when e see my mama slippers, he won't interfere in Mummy and Daddy dialogue next time! Nonsense and ingredients! Also I hear that dem say you too dey drink! Ete! That drink you were drinking is that one drink? Come let us sample you 'Okuni' water mixed with 'Sapele' water and 'Agbo'! You will learn. And when you are coming, please bring that your fine friend Georgy boy aka 'George Clooney'. Yes I know he has married a fine wife, I just want to take 'pisshhure' with him.

She no say make him bring money come. Hummmm, are you for real, attension seeker ?

Came:
She no say make him bring money come. Hummmm, are you for real, attension seeker ?

Attention seeker kwa?

That's too harsh bro! Me thinks she's just trying to be funny!