Sometimes i see all the break up news about marriages and i wonder, why did you get married in the first place? Is your love for your spouse so fragile that you would break up at the slightest opportunity? You found out she is three years older than you and you want to divorce, you found out he is cheating on you and you want to divorce, he slapped you for the first time during an argument, u threathen divorce, what kind of marriages do we have these days? You marry someone and declare you will stay with him for the rest of your life, how do you intend to do that if you buckle and give up at the first sign of hardship? What inspiring story of travails and overcoming obstacles will you tell your kids or the future generations if you want to run at the drop of a hat? Do you think living with an individual FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES, that you will not find something horribly ugly? You honestly think you wont find flaws? What do you call your Love, if you cannot help your partner to become a better person, if you cannot suffer for him or her, if you cannot sacrifice anything for the one you love, if you cannot put your life on the line... What kind of fake love is that?

And for those who take advice to divorce him or her here, havent you noticed that the people advising you are either singles or have seemingly perfect partners? Partners with no flaws? And you believe them and get emotionally upset with thier vicious remarks and then go on to fight your spouses at home? Fighting your real life partner because of something an unknown person, probably a 15yr old said on the internet?

You are not wise. You are not wise at all.

If you truly love your partner then you should be quick to forgive. If you truly love your partner u wont wait for him or her to show you love first. If you truly married for love and not for material gains then your marriage will not be easily broken no matter the kind of rocks and daggers thrown at it. You should even be ashamed, bringing your intimate marital issues before unknown teenages and people with bitter spirits instead of meeting familiar and wise and elderly friends in real life, people whose marriages you have seen have stood the test of time in real life, not these mushroom advices you recieve here.


I have seen husbands in real life forgive thier wives for cheating, i have seen wives being celebrated by thier husbands for sticking to them during thier years of irresponsibility and drunkenness. Dont let those who couldn't do it trick or judge you into joining thier bandwagon. The ultimate wish for every person getting married is to live happily ever after, but that must come with hard work and perseverance. Nothing good comes easy! If it looks too good to be true then it usually is!

I have said my piece. I am out.

lego

no. it's not necessary to love who you marry. just understand how they operate. deceive them. fvck. born die and go.

what else do you want.

love ko. lovina ni

Some gals will be lyk "Awwn! hez tall, cute, rich, generous, hez loving. I think we're compatible ".

She gets married to him nd boom she realizes dey're nt even close to 'compact disc'. lolzz

Uhmmm.... watz ur question again?

People don't love who they marry.

They often marry because of societal pressures and to have kids.

obowunmi:
People don't love who they marry.

They often marry because of societal pressures and to have kids.

And this is why thier marriages fail.
Why promise to spend the rest of your life with someone you dont love? How would that work?

love is broad. When u marry for d right reasons, u'l agree with me dat things can only get better in ur marriage. Tolerance is key in every succesful marriage.

How many people can confidently practice John 15:13 with their partner?

Capital YES! I love who I'm married to, not when we have Jesus Christ as our Sole, Solid and Family Foundation. We seek the face of God concerning any issue and also try our individual best to make our union work. His parents and mine are married well over 30 years and still together so why can't we?

Sure. Tho he or she can be so annoying that sometimes you'll think you don't love him or her. When that moment or phase is over, you'll see both of you coming around.

lolz

Well said 5minsmadness. Easily my post of the week.

I loved this part

And for those who take advice to divorce him or her here, havent you noticed that the people advising you are either singles or have seemingly perfect partners? Partners with no flaws? And you believe them and get emotionally upset with thier vicious remarks and then go on to fight your spouses at home? Fighting your real life partner because of something an unknown person, probably a 15yr old said on the internet?

You are not wise. You are not wise at all.

Preach man, preach.

Thanks for this piece

5minsmadness spot on. People are getting married for the wrong reasons. I.e desperation,societal pressures.
I believe it also contributes to the high rate of divorce.

5minsmadness:


And this is why thier marriages fail.
Why promise to spend the rest of your life with someone you dont love? How would that work?

How many people even know what love is these days? Even at that, It takes way more than love to sustain a marriage my dear

People divorce not necessarily because they do not love each other. Issues of infidelity, loss of trust and several other things can break up a union.

Marriage is more than just love. Patience, loyalty, commitment are also key.

tbaba1234:
People divorce not necessarily because they do not love each other. Issues of infidelity, loss of trust and several other things can break up a union.

Marriage is more than just love. Patience, loyalty, commitment are also key.

Can I add "Tolerance "?

.

diva90:


How many people even know what love is these days? Even at that, It takes way more than love to sustain a marriage my dear

This is a common quote nowadays. Permit me to say that it is wrong. People nowadays have mushroom love. They love thier partner because of what they gain from them. Of course when that thing disappears so will the 'love'! And then they will say love alone cannot sustain a marriage.

A marriage, which is a lifetime commitment, should have a stronger foundation, a stronger bonding agent, to keep both partners together for the long journey. I believe that stronger bonding agent should be a love so deep, it will be willing to take the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes. True love is refined by fire, just like gold. Love, faith in your partner and faith in God is key.

Trust is easily broken. Perseverance is stronger and more tenacious. There is something mature and refined and priceless about a couple that have gone through fire together and for each other at one point or the other in thier marriage.

Cc tbaba1234, napa, taryour, nickxtra.

Most of the issues arise because in the first instance people marry for the wrong reasons and choose to overlook a lot of important things during courtship assuming they even courted at all.

A lot of ingredients go into a marriage, not just love alone. The fear of God, Flexibility, integrity, trust, respect, communication, companionship, time, conflict resolution skills and many other things are very important too.

With the guy whose wife lied about her age, I can understand his disappointment and his wondering if anything else she says is true, I agree divorce is extreme, however reading between the lines he is hurting and it will take time for that hurt to go and the trust be restored.

You see; you can forgive a partner a million times and you should, however each episode erodes a part of the relationship and that is what causes the damage in the long term.
You could argue that if she really loved him too, she wouldn't have done anything to hurt him and that includes not lying to him

I agree there are many facebook foundation marriages abound that at the slightest wind, they fall apart like a stack of cards. Its because the foundation was flaky to start with
Its not the marriage that's the problem, its the foundation and that is what people should be taking more care on before saying I do. May God help us all

Spot on OP.I beleiv that where there is love,every other thing comes in place that is, nothing is forced,u forgive easily,u are able to accommodate the other persons weaknesses etc

No such thing as love.

People make decisions based on information available to them at a ready time in their lives.

What's love got to do got to do with it babe(in Tina Turners voice) in marriages love is never enough.

Because people think life is just easy, no obstacles or challenges. But that is a lie. People need to understand that stuffs happen, challenges come, but they must make up their mind to be committed to whomever they are married to except in life threatening issues.

Many people go along with wanting out once they notice an issue. what about sticking through it. In fact what I am understanding about marriage now is that if you can really stick to your partner, whether the storm together, this will make your marriage foundation strong, and over the years, you will be happy you did.

There are two kinds of love. The feeling of love and Love in Action. The feeling of love is romantic and sensual and it keep fluctuating in every day relationship with your partner. Real love is an ACTION. It's the tendency to prove your love to a partner in action by attending to needs without any restrictions.

For any marriage to survive, the foundation must be routed in the stationary Love of Action. Love of action will check lapses created by feeling of love and it requires both parties to be in it without reservation

Op most marriages these days is not based on love or compatibility.. Almost everyone I must marry because my mates are married with children.. As long as one of them or both are good in bed. Done deal, let's marry..
For me that's a sad and agonizing way to live the rest of one's life....immediately the other partner just sneeze a lie.. Marriage is over. No forgiveness, nothing.. And at the end they all want God to forgive them.. Human beings, Nigerians.. May God help us all from hypocrisy.

5minsmadness

What you call love itself is predicated on some factors, If you find those factors gone, then the love is probably gone too. E.g the person you love currently if you found out she used to be a man or is plotting to kill you

Also love isn't enough, there are many things like common goals, common background, similar ambition, mutual-respect etc

obowunmi:
People don't love who they marry.

They often marry because of societal pressures and to have kids.

no mind them. One thing I will never do is get married because people are getting married.

You see, I had kind of experience while growing up and to me, a child's upbringing is more important to me than a woman I marry. Any slight mistake will distort a child's future and I do not want that.

God knows I am a romeo in my own world and I know what I can give if I find someone I truly love.

I will never marry because others are doing it but would do so because I love the person I call my partner.

When you hear young people discuss u'll weep for this generation. Money, looks, status are what they consider.
The older ones are worse. Those ones don't even care about money, status or looks anymore. They just want to marry any willing person so they could say they are married.
Gone are the days people married for a purpose. People just want to tick of marriage from their to do list. The exceptions are very few.